Marigolds

I have been thinking about this and realized that I was never really taught much about taking care of myself, physically, mentally, or emotionally. My mom never really taught me anything about hygiene or dressing properly, the only way I figured some of it out was when other kids would make fun of me. Other people have pointed out that it's like my brother and I were raised by wolves - my dad was checked out with working alot, my mom must have been in a deep depression.

I hear "take care of yourself" over and over - but I don't know where to start. It feels like I missed the "how to be a human" class somewhere along the line!

Barbara52

Boy can I relate to those feelings! I too grew up not knowing even the basics. I learned at a young age to mimic those around me. Faked it til I made it I guess. I still am often very uncomfortable insocial situations because I just didn't learn in the usual way how to act, what was normal, what was expected.

I have found reading books on adult children of alcoholics to be helpful. Also books on lovoing your inner child. And some therapy did wonders for me.

Freedom1990

I know what you mean about where to start!

It was baby steps for me. I had been taking care of others for so long that the concept of taking care of me was foreign. I also didn't get a lot of 'self-care' instructions growing up either, though my mother was somewhat helpful with hygiene, appearance, etc.

I feel better when I wear makeup, so even if I'm just running to the grocery store, I put makeup on.

I take time every morning to read from a daily meditation book, ask my higher power to help me through the day.

I try to pace myself on things. I tend to be an 'all or nothing' type of person.

I make myself do something nice for me every day, even if it's just running a bubble bath, lighting a few candles and setting them in the bathroom, and soaking for awhile.

Although I don't have a lot of money, sometimes I'll buy a magazine I like to bring home, curl up with my dogs, and read!

Sometimes I drive down to our local park where we have a really nice pond and just feed the geese, sit and enjoy the fresh air.

These are just some things I can think of off the top of my head.

:ghug :ghug

ToughChoices

You know, it's hard to pin down the BEST part about being out of my alcoholic marriage, but I'm tempted to say that learning and practicing self-care has been the greatest benefit of my leaving!

Here's what that looks like for me (it will be different for you, depending on your likes and dislikes):
I run. I use the time to focus on the strength that I possess and to count my blessings.
I cook myself delicious meals - even if my four year-old wrinkles his nose at it. I like to cook, and I like to eat. I do it for me. Sometimes I have a glass of really good wine with my dinner.
I talk to someone on the phone almost every evening. It feeds my spirit to have adult conversation with people I care about, and I have to ward off the single mom lonelies.
I accept invitations from friends. I go to musicals, operas, book signings, poetry readings, art openings - pretty much anything I get invited to. It's nice to have events to look forward to.
I take care of my skin. I wash my face every morning and evening and I use good quality products. I feel beautiful when my skin is clear and bright.
I make myself cups of hot tea (I like Earl Grey with sugar and milk or Unsweetened Chai) and read books that make me laugh/cry.
I balance my checkbook and live within my means. It gives me freedom in the future.
I sleep at least 8 hours each night. I truly believe that a good night's sleep is the best way to improve beauty and mood.
I read here everyday and post when I have something to contribute.

Marigolds, it is so much fun to discover what you love and figure out what sustains you!
Enjoy the process!

-TC

ItsmeAlice

I started with getting a medical checkup. I had a full exam and a full set of bloodwork to check basic cholesterol levels, iron count, and potassium etc. I brought a list with me of all my basic concerns. What's a healthy weight, blood pressure, and heart rate for me, etc. It gave me a baseline to know myself a little better and get a handle on what I needed to change. My doctor gave me reassurance where things were fine and where I needed to improve or supplement my diet.

I've changed a lot about how I eat, exercise, and reduce stress, to take care of myself physically and mentally. I've gotten a lot of great ideas thru online article (WebMD, MSN Health) remembering that there are a world of different opinions out there so you need to be open to try things to see what works for you.

It has made a great difference in just understanding when I'm actually thirsty, hungry, or tried or if I'm actually depressed, worn out, or not feeling well. For me, all emotions used to feel like hunger.

I used to eat heavily to feel better, but when I started to eat better, I didn't feel bad so often.

Taking care of yourself means so many things and it means different things to different people. I think when we focus so much of our attention on someone else's problem we forget how much physical discomfort we might be in ourselves and sometimes we don't even stop to really look in the mirror to see who we've become. I really let myself go in so many ways until I physically could not stand the aches, pains, and weight gain anymore.

Pick up a Self Magazine or something like it at the store next time your out. So many great ideas in there to get you started. Try something new each week.

You know even taking 5 minutes and cleaning out that old underwear drawer and buying a fresh selection can give your self esteem a boost....Worked for me!