SJLady

Last time I posted I mentioned about going to an Al-Anon meeting. Unfortunately we fell behind in packing for our move and I wasn't able to attend.

We moved two Saturdays ago. We had to find a less expensive apartment as H had to take a pay cut at work due to the economy, and I haven't had any luck in finding a job yet. The day after we moved we went back to the old apartment to finish cleaning. I had just about everything already done after the movers left, and there was only a couple of loose ends that needed finished on Sunday. H went with me and was loading stuff into my car. We had a huge gas grill that we were not allowed to have at our new place, so we gave it to one of the movers but kept the propane tank to take back to where we got it from.

When he was packing the car he put the propane tank in the middle of all the mess, essentially burying it. I told him to put it in last so we could drop it off on our way back to the new apartment. Out of the blue he starts getting pissy with me, slamming things around. He yanked the tank out of the back and shoved it on the floor in the front seat, and in doing so he put a nice little gouge in my dashboard from the propane tank.

First I asked him what the hell his problem was, why was he getting pissy with me. Then I told him he gouged my dash...he said "Oh no, why don't we just total the whole car." When we got to the place to turn the tank in, he got out of the car, slammed the door shut, got a buggy and practically threw the tank into the cart. I was fuming! I was so mad I couldn't even speak.

As we were driving to the new place, he tried to apologize without even saying he was sorry, but that he didn't know why he acted that way. I wanted so badly to tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine, but said nothing instead. I later told him that his total disregard for my personal property equated to a lack of respect for me. After telling him that I did not deserve bearing the brunt of his attitude, I let it drop.

Monday he comes home from work, and I can tell he's not in the best of moods. He's been having conflict off and on with a coworker with a type A personality. I just stayed out of his way and eventually he told me what was going on. They do QA for a computer company, and apparently there was a disagreement on how something should be done. The coworker accused H of taking sloppy shortcuts, so H eventually said fine and changed it to the way the coworker wanted it. Last night he tells me more about the incident. I asked if the coworker had any merit to his complaint. H said technically speaking, yes, but in the end it didn't make a difference. He also said the whole incident showed him (H) that he needed to update his skills. My little red flag went up with that statement and I immediately began to get a knot in my stomach. I think it's entirely possible that H was doing something incorrectly, was called on it and attempted to minimize the situation. I know that he has lied to me in the past, so when something like this happens I take what he says with a grain of salt. My gut instincts are usually right. Then I start feeling anxious and trapped.

It felt good to get that out. Thanks for reading.