Ughhh...
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Ughhh...
I'm having to go through some old stuff for dates etc. (not out of choice).. texts and things. It is awful seeing them. Some sweet and loving, some downright horrible. It is so sad to see. The worst was the one when he told me he wanted to marry me and we would have beautiful babies.
God I loved that man.. yep I know it wasn't real.. but what I felt was real.
I can't believe how it turned out..
God I loved that man.. yep I know it wasn't real.. but what I felt was real.
I can't believe how it turned out..
Last edited by tallulah; 04-01-2009 at 09:59 AM. Reason: made no sense first time
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((((((((((Tallulah)))))))))))))
You are doing so very well, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The pain now is opening a space in your life for some other, more healthy relationship someday.
Ten or twenty years out, if you have a relationship and family, they will not be marred by abusive alcoholism. Your children will grow up happy and oblivious, to what could have been, had you stayed in this relationship.
Your pain now is a gift to yourself, in the future.
:ghug3
CLMI
You are doing so very well, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The pain now is opening a space in your life for some other, more healthy relationship someday.
Ten or twenty years out, if you have a relationship and family, they will not be marred by abusive alcoholism. Your children will grow up happy and oblivious, to what could have been, had you stayed in this relationship.
Your pain now is a gift to yourself, in the future.
:ghug3
CLMI
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Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Originally Posted by tallulah 
... yep I know it wasn't real.. but what I felt was real.
Yes, and notice who was doing it: YOU.
You loved.
You tried.
You were loving and patient.
These things all still live within you, tallulah. You own them, and can use them any time you want, with anyone whom you deem worthy.
You will be all of these things again, but THIS time they will be reciprocated.
Hang in there
:ghug3
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Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
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me too, tallulah. "God, i loved that man."
mine fled. he would not answer mail or calls. a ten-years-recovering heroin addict i'm still healing from. so many unanswered questions. so much confusion.
two years have passed and i'm still putting back the pieces of me.
me too.
take good care. they sure do a number on us when they flip.
mine fled. he would not answer mail or calls. a ten-years-recovering heroin addict i'm still healing from. so many unanswered questions. so much confusion.
two years have passed and i'm still putting back the pieces of me.
me too.
take good care. they sure do a number on us when they flip.
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Originally Posted by catlovermi
((((((((((Tallulah)))))))))))))
You are doing so very well, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The pain now is opening a space in your life for some other, more healthy relationship someday.
Ten or twenty years out, if you have a relationship and family, they will not be marred by abusive alcoholism. Your children will grow up happy and oblivious, to what could have been, had you stayed in this relationship.
Your pain now is a gift to yourself, in the future.
:ghug3
CLMI
You are doing so very well, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The pain now is opening a space in your life for some other, more healthy relationship someday.
Ten or twenty years out, if you have a relationship and family, they will not be marred by abusive alcoholism. Your children will grow up happy and oblivious, to what could have been, had you stayed in this relationship.
Your pain now is a gift to yourself, in the future.
:ghug3
CLMI
It feels horrible and sad.. not just for me but him too. Although he will never admit it or probably ever know it.. he missed out.
(that was a bit of gratuitous blowing of one's own trumpet there)
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Originally Posted by GiveLove
Yes, and notice who was doing it: YOU.
You loved.
You tried.
You were loving and patient.
These things all still live within you, tallulah. You own them, and can use them any time you want, with anyone whom you deem worthy.
You will be all of these things again, but THIS time they will be reciprocated.
Hang in there
:ghug3
You loved.
You tried.
You were loving and patient.
These things all still live within you, tallulah. You own them, and can use them any time you want, with anyone whom you deem worthy.
You will be all of these things again, but THIS time they will be reciprocated.
Hang in there
:ghug3
Thank you :ghug
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Originally Posted by bluejay6
me too, tallulah. "God, i loved that man."
mine fled. he would not answer mail or calls. a ten-years-recovering heroin addict i'm still healing from. so many unanswered questions. so much confusion.
two years have passed and i'm still putting back the pieces of me.
me too.
take good care. they sure do a number on us when they flip.
mine fled. he would not answer mail or calls. a ten-years-recovering heroin addict i'm still healing from. so many unanswered questions. so much confusion.
two years have passed and i'm still putting back the pieces of me.
me too.
take good care. they sure do a number on us when they flip.
:ghug for you..
<----- me now...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks for this thread and all your kind words. They all ring true and comforted me too :P
Tallulah, I have found many questions without answers serve no purpose but to torture myself. What is true? what lays in your heart, and the bright future ahead. Because you are wiser.
Damn, it all sounds so easy, LOL
Tallulah, I have found many questions without answers serve no purpose but to torture myself. What is true? what lays in your heart, and the bright future ahead. Because you are wiser.
Damn, it all sounds so easy, LOL
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Originally Posted by daisydookie278
Love hurts. Is it worth it even??
I'm putting this little vision out there of me in the future. I can't see his face and I don't know who he is but he deals with conflict like an adult, he doesn't blow hot and cold, he communicates.. and he kisses the scars I carry and tells me I'm lovely.
I know.. icky but a little 'cosmic ordering' never hurt anyone..
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Originally Posted by Dreamer999
Thanks for this thread and all your kind words. They all ring true and comforted me too :P
Tallulah, I have found many questions without answers serve no purpose but to torture myself. What is true? what lays in your heart, and the bright future ahead. Because you are wiser.
Damn, it all sounds so easy, LOL
Tallulah, I have found many questions without answers serve no purpose but to torture myself. What is true? what lays in your heart, and the bright future ahead. Because you are wiser.
Damn, it all sounds so easy, LOL
I think this is all about forgiving yourself. You are right. Questioning is pointless. I have to write all this down and while I am hating every minute of it, it is strangely cathartic. I loved him. I don't have to be ashamed of that. It doesn't make me a bad person or even a fool.
Here... have a hug! :ghug3
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Originally Posted by tallulah
It's the fUGH. 
My counselor told me last week that I was hanging on so tight to the ILLUSION of a marriage that I could not receive all of the blessings that await me. I have to unclench my fists to open my hands (and my heart) to all of lifes wonderful opportunities. I'm claiming that as the truth, and wanted to offer you the same!
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Originally Posted by blessed4x
My counselor told me last week that I was hanging on so tight to the ILLUSION of a marriage that I could not receive all of the blessings that await me. I have to unclench my fists to open my hands (and my heart) to all of lifes wonderful opportunities. I'm claiming that as the truth, and wanted to offer you the same!
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