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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: utah
Posts: 42
back again
I just need to get refocused here and know that someone will knock me into shape!! AH has been sober about 30 some days, came to visit last weekend and we had a nice time. He called me on Saturday night in one of his moods where the world is totally against him. He tells me how incredibly lonely and depressed he is (he lives 4 hours from me and the kids) and that he just can't do it anymore and we should move in together. Whoa!!! Back up there.... I said absolutely not. Then he says "what more do you want from me--I've been sober for 30 days." On one hand I really do hurt for him. I just see this guy who used to be so successful, full of life, reliable, etc. and now he just about has nothing left. How on earth do you stand it--just watching them destruct? I'm not about to take him in but man, it hurts to watch this. I haven't been to Al Anon in a long time due to caring for 17 mon twins and going to grad school but I went before that for a long time which gave me a good grip on this crazy disease. I guess I just need a little refresher! I keep telling myself there's nothing I can do. I used to think he had hit bottom when I moved out but know that's not true. And I'm really scared that he's never going to come out of this. It hurts, it really hurts and I find myself worried sick that I'm going to get a dreaded phone call one day.
PN
PN
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Paige.
Whether he's found his bottom or not, sounds like you found yours. If you need more time... even a LOT more time... to feel secure about his improvement, then you have every right to take it. I know it's confusing when you see him making a strong effort, but remember the nightmare that was still going on just a month ago. Stay true to yourself, and come here whenever you need a hug.
Hugs!
Smoke
Whether he's found his bottom or not, sounds like you found yours. If you need more time... even a LOT more time... to feel secure about his improvement, then you have every right to take it. I know it's confusing when you see him making a strong effort, but remember the nightmare that was still going on just a month ago. Stay true to yourself, and come here whenever you need a hug.
Hugs!
Smoke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Paige
I agree with Smoke, that you can and should take as long as you need to do what is right for you. Going back to meetings and refreshing your recovery skills will help you get through this.
Just know that we care and are here every day for you.
Hugs
Ann
I agree with Smoke, that you can and should take as long as you need to do what is right for you. Going back to meetings and refreshing your recovery skills will help you get through this.
Just know that we care and are here every day for you.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Paige,
It is tough.....mine lives here, but I still fight off the worry. I had a dream last night that he was drinking and I had that horrible old feeling when I woke up. It took a few minutes to shake it and a pep talk with myself. What they CHOOSE to do we have NO control over. If they CHOOSE to go back to drinking we will know soon enough so it is a waste of our energy to worry when it will happen.
What is it with that 30 day thing......why do they think because they didn't drink for 30 that they have it licked......obviously they still have a long way to go in recovery.
Blessings, Constant
It is tough.....mine lives here, but I still fight off the worry. I had a dream last night that he was drinking and I had that horrible old feeling when I woke up. It took a few minutes to shake it and a pep talk with myself. What they CHOOSE to do we have NO control over. If they CHOOSE to go back to drinking we will know soon enough so it is a waste of our energy to worry when it will happen.
What is it with that 30 day thing......why do they think because they didn't drink for 30 that they have it licked......obviously they still have a long way to go in recovery.
Blessings, Constant
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Paige,
It doesn't sound like you need much "knocking into shape". I totally understand the pain of watching someone you care so much about self destruct. It is so hard to be a witness to this kind of pain. I agree with the others, stick to your guns and be honest with him. Tell him you are so glad that he has made it 30 days. Tell him you are praying for him that he can make it a whole lifetime. But your are not ready to move back together yet and you don't know when you will be ready. There is no magic number of days or months that will prompt you to take him back into your life. One day at a time, tell him we will have to see how it goes. Remember, focus on you and those babies!
It doesn't sound like you need much "knocking into shape". I totally understand the pain of watching someone you care so much about self destruct. It is so hard to be a witness to this kind of pain. I agree with the others, stick to your guns and be honest with him. Tell him you are so glad that he has made it 30 days. Tell him you are praying for him that he can make it a whole lifetime. But your are not ready to move back together yet and you don't know when you will be ready. There is no magic number of days or months that will prompt you to take him back into your life. One day at a time, tell him we will have to see how it goes. Remember, focus on you and those babies!
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