Confused how to change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
Confused how to change.
Hi, I'll introduce myself first, I'm a 21 year old male living in Tasmania, Australia. I've been with my current partner for over 4.5 years. I apologise if this is too long.
To be honest, I feel bad posting on this forum as I feel like I'm just whining and taking time away that might have a much more "serious" problem.
Anyway, about a year ago I moved to a new city for a new job, this also meant moving away from my girlfriend too. (about 3 hours drive away)
First mistake I moved in with a friend who is a very heavy drinker, which I thought would be nothing but fun, as I was lucky to drink once a week then.
The last 6 months I have really picked it up and there is rarely a day I go without drinking and don't remember most weekends from drinking so heavily, before this behaviour started, I played sport, went to the gym, studied for extra qualifications, had a happy relationship. Now I put everything off for drinking, because it just seems like a better idea, leading it to be the only activity I do. My relationship has suffered badly, both less interested in each other cause of the politics me being drunk has caused (other girls etc).
Lately drinking as led me to other substances, smoking, marijuana etc, which I think says enough in itself. Financial stress is also starting to take a serious toll. I didn't think my drinking was a real issue until I realised I haven't been happy for a long time and thought back to the many phone calls apologizing for my behavior from the previous night as well as constantly feeling sick\hungover whenever I'm not drinking. I have massive sleeping issues, and the nights I attempt to not drink I end up laying in bed feeling depressed for 80% of the night.
I'm really after some advice, as I think it's time I admit that it is becoming a problem and not just "having fun". What can I do to reduce the urge to drink, motivation to do other activities and perhaps even assist my sleeping pattern?
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
To be honest, I feel bad posting on this forum as I feel like I'm just whining and taking time away that might have a much more "serious" problem.
Anyway, about a year ago I moved to a new city for a new job, this also meant moving away from my girlfriend too. (about 3 hours drive away)
First mistake I moved in with a friend who is a very heavy drinker, which I thought would be nothing but fun, as I was lucky to drink once a week then.
The last 6 months I have really picked it up and there is rarely a day I go without drinking and don't remember most weekends from drinking so heavily, before this behaviour started, I played sport, went to the gym, studied for extra qualifications, had a happy relationship. Now I put everything off for drinking, because it just seems like a better idea, leading it to be the only activity I do. My relationship has suffered badly, both less interested in each other cause of the politics me being drunk has caused (other girls etc).
Lately drinking as led me to other substances, smoking, marijuana etc, which I think says enough in itself. Financial stress is also starting to take a serious toll. I didn't think my drinking was a real issue until I realised I haven't been happy for a long time and thought back to the many phone calls apologizing for my behavior from the previous night as well as constantly feeling sick\hungover whenever I'm not drinking. I have massive sleeping issues, and the nights I attempt to not drink I end up laying in bed feeling depressed for 80% of the night.
I'm really after some advice, as I think it's time I admit that it is becoming a problem and not just "having fun". What can I do to reduce the urge to drink, motivation to do other activities and perhaps even assist my sleeping pattern?
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 171
Hey Vito
Don't feel bad posting on here that's what the website and forum is for. I myself am pretty new here and pretty young like yourself (20) only sober for 8 days now. However it does sound like you are going down a bad path. The first thing I would suggest, as I'm sure all the others here will, is go see a doctor and be completely honest with him about your situation. Alcohol Withdraw can be very dangerous depending on how long and how much you have been drinking. He'll be able to point you in a better direction than any of us here. He can give you medication to help with the withdraws and possibly something to help you sleep at night, as insomnia is a very normal symptom of alcohol withdraw.
I'd also suggest, if you haven't already and you have the means to do so, move out of your friend's house. He seems to have dragged you down a bad road and you don't want be drug further as the longer you drink the harder and harder it will become to stop.
As for helping to get your urge off of drinking concentrate on work while you're at work and when you aren't find a hobby. Reading, cooking, anything to keep your mind occupied and off the idea of drinking. As I said I'm new and others here will probably be of much more assistance.
Hope this helps.
Don't feel bad posting on here that's what the website and forum is for. I myself am pretty new here and pretty young like yourself (20) only sober for 8 days now. However it does sound like you are going down a bad path. The first thing I would suggest, as I'm sure all the others here will, is go see a doctor and be completely honest with him about your situation. Alcohol Withdraw can be very dangerous depending on how long and how much you have been drinking. He'll be able to point you in a better direction than any of us here. He can give you medication to help with the withdraws and possibly something to help you sleep at night, as insomnia is a very normal symptom of alcohol withdraw.
I'd also suggest, if you haven't already and you have the means to do so, move out of your friend's house. He seems to have dragged you down a bad road and you don't want be drug further as the longer you drink the harder and harder it will become to stop.
As for helping to get your urge off of drinking concentrate on work while you're at work and when you aren't find a hobby. Reading, cooking, anything to keep your mind occupied and off the idea of drinking. As I said I'm new and others here will probably be of much more assistance.
Hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 580
Hey Vito,
Good work on taking the first step and coming to SR. The key I think is wanting to and knowing that you need to stop. The first few weeks are tough but it gets better. Best get yourself to doctor and get checked out. Avoid the situations that make you drink and find something else to do to occupy your normal drinking time, maybe get back to the gym. Training hard is certainly helping me.
You are lucky mate you are young and you have the chance to set your life in order, I just wish I did not wait as long as I did to realise I had a problem. Dont waste the next 20 years of your life like me and a lot of others have.
Good luck and stay strong mate.
Good work on taking the first step and coming to SR. The key I think is wanting to and knowing that you need to stop. The first few weeks are tough but it gets better. Best get yourself to doctor and get checked out. Avoid the situations that make you drink and find something else to do to occupy your normal drinking time, maybe get back to the gym. Training hard is certainly helping me.
You are lucky mate you are young and you have the chance to set your life in order, I just wish I did not wait as long as I did to realise I had a problem. Dont waste the next 20 years of your life like me and a lot of others have.
Good luck and stay strong mate.
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Welcome, Vito. You're in good company here. My boyfriend and I started partying all the time, drinking every night, which eventually lead to other drugs and now I'm fighting both alcohol and meth addiction. And I am no longer dating him for a variety of reasons, all related to alcohol and drugs.
Keep busy, just distract yourself. Eat chocolate and fresh fruits. Get to the gym if you can, and try to stay away from people who drink. That could be easier said than done if you are still living with a drinker. And keep posting here!! It really helps.
It seems like you probably have not stopped drinking yet, or try for a few days then go back to it, and that's ok. Keep working at it. It gets better. The first few days can be pretty miserable but you can do it. Your sleep patterns may take a bit to come back, maybe a week; your brain chemistry is out of whack and your body needs to heal.
Keep coming back, we'll be here for ya!
Keep busy, just distract yourself. Eat chocolate and fresh fruits. Get to the gym if you can, and try to stay away from people who drink. That could be easier said than done if you are still living with a drinker. And keep posting here!! It really helps.
It seems like you probably have not stopped drinking yet, or try for a few days then go back to it, and that's ok. Keep working at it. It gets better. The first few days can be pretty miserable but you can do it. Your sleep patterns may take a bit to come back, maybe a week; your brain chemistry is out of whack and your body needs to heal.
Keep coming back, we'll be here for ya!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Vito,
No one can tell you if you are a moderate drinker, heavy drinker or alcoholic since we need to be really honest with ourselves if we want to recover and we have to concede to our innermost selves if we are alcoholic.
If, when you start to drink you find you have little control over the amount you drink and if, when you honestly want to, you find you can't stay stopped, then you may be an alcoholic rather than just a heavy drinker.
A heavy drinker can stay stopped if there is sufficient reason - love, health etc. An alcoholic can not stay stopped no matter what the consequences are. A really good book I read says "A heavy drinker could stop if he would and an alcoholic would stop if he could".
I am an alcoholic. When I start to drink alcohol, a phenomena develops called craving because I have an allergy (abnormal reaction) to alcohol. It has something to do with an enzyme in my liver that only alcoholics have.
The good news is that there is a solution.
All the best
Steph
No one can tell you if you are a moderate drinker, heavy drinker or alcoholic since we need to be really honest with ourselves if we want to recover and we have to concede to our innermost selves if we are alcoholic.
If, when you start to drink you find you have little control over the amount you drink and if, when you honestly want to, you find you can't stay stopped, then you may be an alcoholic rather than just a heavy drinker.
A heavy drinker can stay stopped if there is sufficient reason - love, health etc. An alcoholic can not stay stopped no matter what the consequences are. A really good book I read says "A heavy drinker could stop if he would and an alcoholic would stop if he could".
I am an alcoholic. When I start to drink alcohol, a phenomena develops called craving because I have an allergy (abnormal reaction) to alcohol. It has something to do with an enzyme in my liver that only alcoholics have.
The good news is that there is a solution.
All the best
Steph
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Originally Posted by Vito 
before this behaviour started, I played sport, went to the gym, studied for extra qualifications, had a happy relationship.
I think it's time I admit that it is becoming a problem and not just "having fun". What can I do to reduce the urge to drink, motivation to do other activities and perhaps even assist my sleeping pattern?
These things you wrote should be motivation for you.
Remember how much you enjoyed getting up in the morning playing sports, going to the gym and spending time with your girlfriend instead of waking up with a hangover and worrying about what kind of trouble you got yourself into?
The sleep problems and related health problems will fix themselves if you quit drinking and get back into a normal routine.
Just give your old life that you so enjoyed a good try.
Good luck
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hey Vito,
Welcome to SR. And welcome to the rest of your life.
Take today. Make it count. Don't drink today. Even if you experience depression, restlessness, lethergy - don't drink. Say to yourself, "I feel restless. That's interesting. That's what happens when I don't drink." And let it pass. See what it feels like to ride out the feelings that surface when you don't drink. Write them down. Take a walk. Notice the world. Let yourself feel sad. It's okay. All of these emotions are completely normal. You are fundamentally changing how you are being in the world. You are refusing to numb yourself with a toxic substance. You are refusing to poison yourself.
Some people need more support than being here. I'm in AA and find it very valuable sometimes and of less consequence other times. Those times, I try to give whatever I have of value back to people who are needing more support than me. I know there are other more secular groups for support also. LifeRing, I think? I don't know their names.
You've very clearly identified something that is toxic in your life. Whether or not you are alcoholic. It's almost irrelevant. You can see clearly that alcohol is demanding more and more from you, taking away more and more of your freedom to live a good life. Push back. You don't have to live a life dominated by a fermented liquid that makes you do stupid things and makes you feel awful.
Again, welcome to SR. Stay!
Welcome to SR. And welcome to the rest of your life.
Take today. Make it count. Don't drink today. Even if you experience depression, restlessness, lethergy - don't drink. Say to yourself, "I feel restless. That's interesting. That's what happens when I don't drink." And let it pass. See what it feels like to ride out the feelings that surface when you don't drink. Write them down. Take a walk. Notice the world. Let yourself feel sad. It's okay. All of these emotions are completely normal. You are fundamentally changing how you are being in the world. You are refusing to numb yourself with a toxic substance. You are refusing to poison yourself.
Some people need more support than being here. I'm in AA and find it very valuable sometimes and of less consequence other times. Those times, I try to give whatever I have of value back to people who are needing more support than me. I know there are other more secular groups for support also. LifeRing, I think? I don't know their names.
You've very clearly identified something that is toxic in your life. Whether or not you are alcoholic. It's almost irrelevant. You can see clearly that alcohol is demanding more and more from you, taking away more and more of your freedom to live a good life. Push back. You don't have to live a life dominated by a fermented liquid that makes you do stupid things and makes you feel awful.
Again, welcome to SR. Stay!
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Thanks, Vito. Your problem you speak of is not taking away anyone's time here! Have to make that clear, because I kind of felt the same way coming in here too at first, feeling different or less worthy of expressing my problems.
It's great you are seeing these things in yourself and are sharing them with us.
Like Rowan said, you are in the right place. Welcome.
It's great you are seeing these things in yourself and are sharing them with us.
Like Rowan said, you are in the right place. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Vito
Hi, I'll introduce myself first, I'm a 21 year old male living in Tasmania, Australia. I've been with my current partner for over 4.5 years. I apologise if this is too long.
To be honest, I feel bad posting on this forum as I feel like I'm just whining and taking time away that might have a much more "serious" problem.
Anyway, about a year ago I moved to a new city for a new job, this also meant moving away from my girlfriend too. (about 3 hours drive away)
First mistake I moved in with a friend who is a very heavy drinker, which I thought would be nothing but fun, as I was lucky to drink once a week then.
The last 6 months I have really picked it up and there is rarely a day I go without drinking and don't remember most weekends from drinking so heavily, before this behaviour started, I played sport, went to the gym, studied for extra qualifications, had a happy relationship. Now I put everything off for drinking, because it just seems like a better idea, leading it to be the only activity I do. My relationship has suffered badly, both less interested in each other cause of the politics me being drunk has caused (other girls etc).
Lately drinking as led me to other substances, smoking, marijuana etc, which I think says enough in itself. Financial stress is also starting to take a serious toll. I didn't think my drinking was a real issue until I realised I haven't been happy for a long time and thought back to the many phone calls apologizing for my behavior from the previous night as well as constantly feeling sick\hungover whenever I'm not drinking. I have massive sleeping issues, and the nights I attempt to not drink I end up laying in bed feeling depressed for 80% of the night.
I'm really after some advice, as I think it's time I admit that it is becoming a problem and not just "having fun". What can I do to reduce the urge to drink, motivation to do other activities and perhaps even assist my sleeping pattern?
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
To be honest, I feel bad posting on this forum as I feel like I'm just whining and taking time away that might have a much more "serious" problem.
Anyway, about a year ago I moved to a new city for a new job, this also meant moving away from my girlfriend too. (about 3 hours drive away)
First mistake I moved in with a friend who is a very heavy drinker, which I thought would be nothing but fun, as I was lucky to drink once a week then.
The last 6 months I have really picked it up and there is rarely a day I go without drinking and don't remember most weekends from drinking so heavily, before this behaviour started, I played sport, went to the gym, studied for extra qualifications, had a happy relationship. Now I put everything off for drinking, because it just seems like a better idea, leading it to be the only activity I do. My relationship has suffered badly, both less interested in each other cause of the politics me being drunk has caused (other girls etc).
Lately drinking as led me to other substances, smoking, marijuana etc, which I think says enough in itself. Financial stress is also starting to take a serious toll. I didn't think my drinking was a real issue until I realised I haven't been happy for a long time and thought back to the many phone calls apologizing for my behavior from the previous night as well as constantly feeling sick\hungover whenever I'm not drinking. I have massive sleeping issues, and the nights I attempt to not drink I end up laying in bed feeling depressed for 80% of the night.
I'm really after some advice, as I think it's time I admit that it is becoming a problem and not just "having fun". What can I do to reduce the urge to drink, motivation to do other activities and perhaps even assist my sleeping pattern?
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
yo dude i do ditch the remare and find a new place
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