tallulah

As you know from my story, the A is in the court system and will be due to attend court again soon.

I did not attend the first time, but (and I don't know why) I am wondering whether I should go the second time. I don't believe there is any reason, legally, for me to attend but I found myself considering it as of yesterday. It hadn't even crossed my mind having anything to do with it until/unless I was required.

Any thoughts would be very welcome..


Just as an update.. I had my stitches out on Friday. The injury is hurting more now than ever but I'm taking it as a sign that things are on the mend. There was also something on the news here about a case that happened last year thats trial had just finished. A young guy had a glass dish thrown at him which hit his neck and it severed his jugular and an artery to the brain. Talk about throwing down how lucky I am and reminding me to count my blessings!

Taking5

Just my opinion, the only reason you should go if he is convicted, the court (in the US at least) hears victim impact statements to help the judge with sentencing. You are a victim and should tell how this negatively affected your life.

bearfeet

Hello,

Personally I don't think going to a court appearance would help me, I think it would confuse and upset me, but then I've never been anywhere near a courtroom in my life so the trauma would probably largely come from that, seeing X in those circumstances would also I think have totally unpredictable effects on my emotions. However if you feel it would help and I'm guessing with your background it would be familiar territory then maybe you should go, but do have somebody with you for support.

It seems I will need to go to give evidence against mine as he is appearing at Crown Court tomorrow and as I said is pleading Not Guilty. I am absolutely dreading it on one hand but hoping it helps close things for me, dunno!

Good luck anyway with whatever you decide to do, stay strong you've been doing brilliantly and counting your blessings is always a good thing, I try to do it as often as I get chance!

x

Seren

Bear in mind that this is merely my opinion....

but......

H to the No! I would not go because it would just make him think that the world is all about him--which it is not.

I'm so glad your stiches are out!!! Hugs and prayers to you! HG

tallulah

We have that too. I'm in the middle of writing my impact statement.. which is hard because the impact now is clear but it will possibly be something I also feel in the future and would probably require me to have a crystal ball to anticipate how it will impact. The next one is apparently for him to enter a plea and the court to decide jurisdiction.

tallulah

Hello :ghug Thanks for the support and kudos. And you are doing brilliantly too.

It's hard being the victim/witness. Even for someone familiar with the workings of the legal system. There is part of you that wants to be there and heard and then there is the part of you who just wants to get on with your life and put the whole thing behind you.

tallulah

Awww thank you HG :ghug

That is something I have considered. I know that my sitting in that court will be about me and the process and some kind of processing but I have wondered whether to him it will send out some other message. I can hand on heart say that if I went it would be nothing to do with him.

I am surprised I have even entertained it in some ways. It is not something I have even contemplated and yet yesterday I just got a feeling in my gut that I should go. I can't explain it. Maybe that will change nearer the time.

MissFixit

T,

Unless you are legally required to be there, why would you go? It will churn up emotions. The lawyers will ask you when to attend. I would not do anything to jeopordize the trial or leave yourself open to any accusations by him or his counsel about you being there for ulterior purposes...wahtever those could be.

Since this is a legal issue, I would leave the proceedings to those who are particiapting. If/when you are called to speak/attend, then of course you should.

Sorry to sound bossy. Your post just sent immediate red flags up to me, but I don't know your entire situation or your legal system.

Miss

Barbara52

Are you not going to be called as a witness?

If not, well, give it some thought and let youself figure out what you might get out of going, both negative and positive. And if the positive outweighs the negative, then go.

tallulah

That's ok Miss.. :ghug3 I understand what you mean. There are pros and cons to attending.

I can't go into detail but there may be issues which I will no doubt have no say in and that are probably out of my control but I think part of me wants to be there if that happens. Sorry, I know that makes no sense.

I'm going to have to think long and hard about this.

MissFixit

T,

You are doing great. You have been through a tough couple of weeks. Give yourself a break.

Please do whatever you feel is best for you.

Miss

tallulah

It all depends Barbara. I'll be called as a witness if it gets that far. There is a chance that it might not. The charges and what happens are not in my control. They are in the control of the prosecuting authority and may depend on what he (the A) pleads or what the court decides regarding jurisdiction etc.

I'm pretty much invisible in all of this. Sure I've made a statement and allowed them access to the medical records regarding the incident but I'm (or I feel I am) just a witness in a state prosecution. This experience has been an eye opener vis a vis being a victim of violence. I suppose part of me wants to be visible maybe.

Barbara52

That makes sense. The victims seem to get forgotten in so many ways. How sad that this is true worldwide.

tallulah

It isn't until you are walking down the path do you realise how much so. You are swept along. You are the person who has been injured, hospitalised, damaged, life turned upside down... but no-one sees you. I feel hidden away: to be wheeled out when needed.

I suppose the biggest reason I have thought about being there is, whatever happens, whatever they decide to do with him, however this turns out... and I fully accept that apart from giving my account and/or speaking out if something is wrong, it is down to the prosecuting authorities... I want them to see ME when they do it.

Meh I don't know. I have time to talk it out and do the weighing up I suppose.

jaimemk

I've had these courtroom experiences, too, but they were for my children. Same quandry about do I go or not. Just my opinion... try to do what you need to do for YOU and practice not even caring how he will take it. Part of codependency recovery for me has been making my choices based on my needs and not allowing my mind to even wonder how others will take things. Then let the chips fall where they fall. Only you can really decide whether you should be there or not. Just take good care of you in the process. That is the priority.

(((Hugs)))