Summer2008

Volume 1 - I am rereading this book and just curious if most have found her statements to be true or false.

"It's very hard to lose an alcoholic"

"The alcoholic is an addict - a very dependent person. His/Her dependence is not just on alcohol. He / She is very dependent on you. He/She needs you.

Multiple issues going on here not only with XABF but with adult sons. Both sons have been given a deadline of Friday to leave my house.

In addition on Friday, I will change the lock code on my front door since AXBF knows the code.

Day by day I'm growing stronger and even though I don't want things to be like this I know I can not live my life with an alcoholic. I'm standing my ground and moving forward. I can't yet say I'm looking forward to finding a new life yet, but one step forward is progress.

Freedom1990

Yes, one step forward is progress indeed!

:ghug :ghug

prodigal

In my case, I have not found this to be true. My exAH glommed onto a woman within minutes of my walking out the door. I had no trouble whatsoever "losing" him.

As far as current AH goes, he's so brain-fried, I don't think he notices when I'm in the house or when I'm gone. In fact, one Saturday I was gone from early morning until evening and when I came in the door he said, "I figured you had gone out of town for the weekend." Frankly, I doubt if he would be bothered if I was thrown under a bus.

Just makes my leaving easier. That is not to say that other people haven't had trouble getting the A out of their lives ....

Rella927

One step forward is for sure progress! And remember "Progress not perfection".

This is an awesome book!

With my XABF he was very "Dependent" on me and it took me a long time to
finally stand my ground and to keep following through with things I needed to do
for myself to be rid of him. I was afraid to rock the boat-I left things well enough
alone but, that is not how I wanted to live my life! So out he went, the locks where changed
and the police were called everytime he came to my home or followed me on the road which
he often did!

Everyone takes there own time and when we have had enough it is then that
we begin to recover. One day at time and be gentle with yourself!

Cynay

Love that book and for my experience it has been true.... well until they found another enabler and it seems there are alot of us out there.

My experience is that most of the Alcoholics in my life have needed an enabler and I was more then happy (for a time) to be that rock for them and "save" them from themselves and the cold cruel world.... that just did not understand them like I did....

Ugggggg... thank God for recovery, yepppers progress not perfection.

CatsPajamas

I look back today on all the things I did in the name of "helping" the A's in my life because they needed me. I know that I was doing the best I could at the time, but geeeez. All it did was wear me out and set them up to have more expectations of what I would do to cushion their fall.

My life looks very different today. I am more than happy to let people make their own choices and experience their own consequences. I remember with each of my sons ~and an extra kid I had here for awhile ~that I had to set a boundary and a deadline for them to leave. It was difficult and scary, but each time it ended up being one of the best things I did - for them AND for me.

A lot of times my progress is in baby steps, not giant leaps. Forward motion is progress!

1free1

Trust me, I've had 3 alcoholic husbands. They may leave for a while with another women, but if she is healthy, she will dump him or if she is as sick as he is, he will come back to you to take care of him. I call them boomarangs' they always come back. I had to learn that two sick people don't make a whole. I got help for me. Take care of yourself and IT will be praying for you.

NYCDoglvr

I think it's true. Alcoholics (both active & in early recovery) will go to great lengths to hang on to their enabler. This person made made it possible for them to drink huge amounts of booze. The exception is the alcoholic finds a new enabler, then the old one can go.

Sorry, it's about as cold and calculating as that in most active alcoholics.

SoaringSpirits

It's so true about an A wanting to keep their "assistant." I'm in divorce mediation with my AH right now, and last week we were dividing up assets. We have two rental condos, and discussed each taking one condo. I manage all our rentals. At one point, my AH looked at me tenderly, and said "but you WILL continue to manage the condo rental for me, won't you?"

I almost died laughing. It really underscored for me just how dependent my AH was/is on me to be his buffer between booze and reality.

fluffyflea

Those are awesome books,right on target.

Good luck with the sons.

LexieCat

Folks, this thread is from 2008/2009. I doubt the OP is around to read the responses...

peridotbleu

The responses are interesting though - I think I am going to get this book!

lizatola

I loved these books and have volumes 1-4. Honestly, I must have read volume about 2-3 times and kept referring back to it especially when chaos was returning.

CeciliaV

agreed, just added it to my cart on Amazon, along with a book for families of those new to recovery. I will take all the help & advice & guidance I can get!