I'm new and trying to tough love it....
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Va. Beach
Posts: 1
I'm new and trying to tough love it....
Hi,
I am the wife of a daily 30plus year marijuana user and past cocaine abuser. Up untill a few weeks ago, I "put up with the pot". I have been married to him for almost 8 years. He knew I didn't like him doing it but did it anyway, not around me. However my "enabling" attitude changed 2 weeks ago when I found him not breathing and no pulse on the floor of our bathroom getting ready to give our 5 yr old Autistic son a shower. I had to do CPR on him with the help of my 15yr old son who had to help me turn him over. He had a 100% blockage and had to have a stent put in. He was in cardiac arrest when EMS arrived. After 1 week in ICU and he came home and put a great show of telling my 15yr old son (his step-son) that pot and cigarettes is what got him in the hospital--cleaned out his truck, dumped the pot and said he was done. 1 week later, I suspected he had gotten high and went out and searched his truck, sure enough under the gas pedal floorboard mat was quite a bit of what suspect to be brand new weed. He had been home 1 week and bought and smoked it, for a few days. After what i had been thru the week prior (saving his life) I made the decision then and there that enough was enough. I told him that he could not continue to live in the house, untill he got help because he obviously can't get off of it himself and is addicted (whoever said pot is not addicting is full of it) He said he didn't need help and wasn't going to get any, he could do it himself. After 2 days of not speaking to him and not seeing him, and his mother (the biggest enabler of all) calling me to tell me how unreasonable I am being by not letting him see his child and accusing me of blowing it al out of proprtion because her son is not an addict (um yeah) He has decided that he is going to start going to NA. Now my question is since he has never went to NA before, and I have never given him this option before of throwing him out (then again, he hasn't died and come back to life before either, sans my life changing moment) When am I supposed to let him come back home? Right now I am telling him that he needs to start going to the meetings and taking responsibility for himself, before he can come home because I have to know that he is serious and this isn't something he's doing just to get back into the house. I have never been in this situation before and could use some advice. I am unable to go to any of the Nar-anon meetings as right now I am a "single" full time working mom to 2 kids, one of whom is Autistic. Any helpful hints from anyone would be appreciated. I am all about tough love right now, but I want to do it the right way.
Thanks!
I am the wife of a daily 30plus year marijuana user and past cocaine abuser. Up untill a few weeks ago, I "put up with the pot". I have been married to him for almost 8 years. He knew I didn't like him doing it but did it anyway, not around me. However my "enabling" attitude changed 2 weeks ago when I found him not breathing and no pulse on the floor of our bathroom getting ready to give our 5 yr old Autistic son a shower. I had to do CPR on him with the help of my 15yr old son who had to help me turn him over. He had a 100% blockage and had to have a stent put in. He was in cardiac arrest when EMS arrived. After 1 week in ICU and he came home and put a great show of telling my 15yr old son (his step-son) that pot and cigarettes is what got him in the hospital--cleaned out his truck, dumped the pot and said he was done. 1 week later, I suspected he had gotten high and went out and searched his truck, sure enough under the gas pedal floorboard mat was quite a bit of what suspect to be brand new weed. He had been home 1 week and bought and smoked it, for a few days. After what i had been thru the week prior (saving his life) I made the decision then and there that enough was enough. I told him that he could not continue to live in the house, untill he got help because he obviously can't get off of it himself and is addicted (whoever said pot is not addicting is full of it) He said he didn't need help and wasn't going to get any, he could do it himself. After 2 days of not speaking to him and not seeing him, and his mother (the biggest enabler of all) calling me to tell me how unreasonable I am being by not letting him see his child and accusing me of blowing it al out of proprtion because her son is not an addict (um yeah) He has decided that he is going to start going to NA. Now my question is since he has never went to NA before, and I have never given him this option before of throwing him out (then again, he hasn't died and come back to life before either, sans my life changing moment) When am I supposed to let him come back home? Right now I am telling him that he needs to start going to the meetings and taking responsibility for himself, before he can come home because I have to know that he is serious and this isn't something he's doing just to get back into the house. I have never been in this situation before and could use some advice. I am unable to go to any of the Nar-anon meetings as right now I am a "single" full time working mom to 2 kids, one of whom is Autistic. Any helpful hints from anyone would be appreciated. I am all about tough love right now, but I want to do it the right way.
Thanks!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome.
Wow..Sounds like you had quite a scare.
Alot of times it effects the ones we care about more than ourselves.
We do have a family and friends of addicts forum. I think you would find alot of info, advice and support there.
Here is the link. Of course you are welcome to post wherever you feel comfortable.
Hang in there. All I can say is until he wants to get clean. He wont. Take care of you and your kids first and foremost.
Keep posting.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Wow..Sounds like you had quite a scare.
Alot of times it effects the ones we care about more than ourselves.
We do have a family and friends of addicts forum. I think you would find alot of info, advice and support there.
Here is the link. Of course you are welcome to post wherever you feel comfortable.
Hang in there. All I can say is until he wants to get clean. He wont. Take care of you and your kids first and foremost.
Keep posting.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Juls
I have no experience with this - just wanted to say hi. For me, I think you're doing the right thing tho - I'd want to see some action and evidence that he's sincere first...and I say that as a recovering but longtime alcoholic and pot user.
And like Chiy said, the F&F is another good place to go for some feedback
welcome
D
I have no experience with this - just wanted to say hi. For me, I think you're doing the right thing tho - I'd want to see some action and evidence that he's sincere first...and I say that as a recovering but longtime alcoholic and pot user.
And like Chiy said, the F&F is another good place to go for some feedback
welcome
D
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