My tangles web of alchoholism and PTSD>>>Anyone else?
letting God take the wheel...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Home is where the heart is-Colorado and Oregon
Posts: 100
My tangles web of alchoholism and PTSD>>>Anyone else?
HI! So I would still still consider myself a newcomer to recovery because I am only almost 8 months which is an amazing fete for me! HORRAY! But anyways...So I have PTSD...Ten years ago I was a sophmore at Columbine Highschool when the massacre happened...that being said, I also am an alchoholic...My father is one so it runs in my blood and I know that it is in its own right a very seperate issue of its own..HOWEVER...I didnt start to "selfmedicate" or really even become so fond of getting drunk until after the tragedy at my school. I know that from research I have done , PTSD often leads to substance abuse.Then there is me, who was already pre dispositioned to it..its been ten years since that horrible day and I am, like I said almost 8 mths sober..So I have been repressing alot of **** for a long time and have a big tangled web of issues I am trying to deal with and figure out..lots of emotions I am trying to identify and so on..I really do not want to take anything for my PTSD because I am scared to be dependent or addicted to xanax or something...I have been attending AA this entire time I have been sober- recently " dumped" my sponser...feeling kind of in limbo - not really sure what to do or tackle first? ANYONE HELP? Has anyone been in a situation like this? Sometimes I just feel soooo overwhealmed with it alll and lately have been feeling really disconnected from the present..almost like I am on auto pilot or something...I feel weird and I pretty much always feel a sense of impending doom..and I am often just sooo tired and am starting to isolate myself and be anti social...I am kind of seeing a red fllag here???!!?? I have not seen a therapist or counselor in years since after the shooting first happened, and to be honest never really felt " helped" any of the times I had gone.... well,,,, i guess thats all thanks:wtf2
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
Congratulations on 8 months sober! That's great!
And, thank goodness you survived the Columbine massacre. That must have been a horrible experience.
I also have PTSD and anxiety/panic attacks. I had both those issues since my teenage years. I have never wanted to take anything for those things either. The things I have read about xanax, on this board, are very scary. I didn't start self-medicating with alcohol until my mid-forties when I was being pulled in many different directions. I have been sober now for many years and still try to deal with the anxiety and panic attacks and ptsd. I take antidepressants and that helps me with the depression, so that is a big help.
Do you feel like you can deal with the Ptsd on your own? If not counselling might help, though you're right, it's hard to find someone who is a good fit for you. I'm not an AA person, but since you dumped your sponsor, have you looked for a new one?
I'm glad you posted and hope you keep reading and posting here.
And, thank goodness you survived the Columbine massacre. That must have been a horrible experience.
I also have PTSD and anxiety/panic attacks. I had both those issues since my teenage years. I have never wanted to take anything for those things either. The things I have read about xanax, on this board, are very scary. I didn't start self-medicating with alcohol until my mid-forties when I was being pulled in many different directions. I have been sober now for many years and still try to deal with the anxiety and panic attacks and ptsd. I take antidepressants and that helps me with the depression, so that is a big help.
Do you feel like you can deal with the Ptsd on your own? If not counselling might help, though you're right, it's hard to find someone who is a good fit for you. I'm not an AA person, but since you dumped your sponsor, have you looked for a new one?
I'm glad you posted and hope you keep reading and posting here.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Wow..That is tough. I couldnt even begin to imagine what that must have been like. Thank goodness you are here.
I agree that therapy of some sort may be beneficial.
Like least said. Time can change how you respond to it.
Sounds like you may need to get alot of things off your mind and work on dealing with alot of emotions.
Great job on 8 months. hat is fantastic.
Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist or psychiatrist. It took me 3 or 4 before I felt comfortable with the one I had.
Hope to see you more and keep posting. Hang in there.
I agree that therapy of some sort may be beneficial.
Like least said. Time can change how you respond to it.
Sounds like you may need to get alot of things off your mind and work on dealing with alot of emotions.
Great job on 8 months. hat is fantastic.
Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist or psychiatrist. It took me 3 or 4 before I felt comfortable with the one I had.
Hope to see you more and keep posting. Hang in there.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Congrats on the sober time and your courage to face life without the xanax.
The fact that you WANT to cope without drugs and/or alcohol is a strong personal asset that will most likely overpower life's problems.
Columbine happened, sadfully... but its reality truly is in the past, right?
Perhaps get another sponsor, and stay on track?
The 12 steps enabled me to manage my anxiety without drugs or alcohol.
Keep coming back.
The fact that you WANT to cope without drugs and/or alcohol is a strong personal asset that will most likely overpower life's problems.
Columbine happened, sadfully... but its reality truly is in the past, right?
Perhaps get another sponsor, and stay on track?
The 12 steps enabled me to manage my anxiety without drugs or alcohol.
Keep coming back.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I could relate to so much in your post, it surprised me.
I was diagnosed with PTSD almost 6 years ago. But I have had symptoms of it since I was a teenager just didn't have any tools to understand what was going on inside of me. The PTSD has only worsened over the years as more traumatic events piled on top of the original issue.
I am also an alcoholic... the alcoholism helped me deal with the PTSD issues, or at least block them out, for almost 20 years. That is when the alcohol quit working and was causing more insanity in my life than the untreated PTSD would. I have been sober 8 years now.
Since I got sober I have spent time in counseling, therapy with a psychologist, therapy with a PTSD specialist, as well as medication management from a psychiatrist. The PTSD left me isolating, agoraphobic, with extreme anxiety, nightmares, night terrors, and flashbacks. Today after all the therapy what I have found for me is that the medications have done the most good. I am in no way saying that is the route for everyone. What I am saying is that constant stress causes changes in the brain chemistry.... PTSD is often mistaken for bipolar disease which is another stress related brain illness. I have been diagnosed with both PTSD and bipolar illness. I don't know which came first and frankly it does not matter to me, what matters is treating the illness'. The changes in my brain from the stress have left me where my brain does not produce chemicals in sufficient quantities or they produce too much; either way I need medications to balance that damage out. I still work closely with my psychiatrist to manage my mental health needs and will continue to do so. I work the program of AA on a regular basis to manage my alcoholism and plan to continue to do that. The way I see it is if I don't treat my outside mental health issues my sobriety will be affected in the long run and if I don't treat my alcoholism then my mental health will suffer.
I hope this has made some sense to you. YOu are always welcome to join us in the mental health forum. There are people very similar to you there. Thank you for your post
I was diagnosed with PTSD almost 6 years ago. But I have had symptoms of it since I was a teenager just didn't have any tools to understand what was going on inside of me. The PTSD has only worsened over the years as more traumatic events piled on top of the original issue.
I am also an alcoholic... the alcoholism helped me deal with the PTSD issues, or at least block them out, for almost 20 years. That is when the alcohol quit working and was causing more insanity in my life than the untreated PTSD would. I have been sober 8 years now.
Since I got sober I have spent time in counseling, therapy with a psychologist, therapy with a PTSD specialist, as well as medication management from a psychiatrist. The PTSD left me isolating, agoraphobic, with extreme anxiety, nightmares, night terrors, and flashbacks. Today after all the therapy what I have found for me is that the medications have done the most good. I am in no way saying that is the route for everyone. What I am saying is that constant stress causes changes in the brain chemistry.... PTSD is often mistaken for bipolar disease which is another stress related brain illness. I have been diagnosed with both PTSD and bipolar illness. I don't know which came first and frankly it does not matter to me, what matters is treating the illness'. The changes in my brain from the stress have left me where my brain does not produce chemicals in sufficient quantities or they produce too much; either way I need medications to balance that damage out. I still work closely with my psychiatrist to manage my mental health needs and will continue to do so. I work the program of AA on a regular basis to manage my alcoholism and plan to continue to do that. The way I see it is if I don't treat my outside mental health issues my sobriety will be affected in the long run and if I don't treat my alcoholism then my mental health will suffer.
I hope this has made some sense to you. YOu are always welcome to join us in the mental health forum. There are people very similar to you there. Thank you for your post
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Congrats on your sober time. And good job trying to confront and deal with your PTSD. I also have PTSD from trauma during childhood. When a doctor finally diagnosed me, it helped a lot of pieces come together and finally make sense to me. But diagnosing it is a long, long way from resolving it, for me.
I have a wonderful therapist who is especially versed in dealing with PTSD. She has me working on a workbook to address the traumas in my life and to learn to tolerate them and eventually (hopefully) see their impact on my life decrease and eventually be a very minimal thing.
I definitely drank in response to the traumas in my life, at least in part. I drank for many reasons. But that was one. So, getting a better handle on the traumas in my life and my responses to them is definitely a supportive thing for me to do in terms of sobriety and recovery.
But I have to do it in small bites. Very small bites. Or else I end up triggering myself and getting into a place where I'm in danger of relapsing which I really, really don't want to do.
I see my therapist once a week. I'm also on meds. I'm Bipolar and have to take meds or I take a sharp dive off a high cliff with no parachute. It's just a fact. One of my meds is Ativan and I only take it as needed for anxiety. I am very careful with it because I really don't want to have addicition problems with Ativan. But it can be very, very helpful when I am having a real panic attack.
Anyway, however you chose to confront your PTSD and your alcoholism, I wish you well. I hope you find a way that does not threaten either. And I'm glad you're here. Keep posting and reading.....
I have a wonderful therapist who is especially versed in dealing with PTSD. She has me working on a workbook to address the traumas in my life and to learn to tolerate them and eventually (hopefully) see their impact on my life decrease and eventually be a very minimal thing.
I definitely drank in response to the traumas in my life, at least in part. I drank for many reasons. But that was one. So, getting a better handle on the traumas in my life and my responses to them is definitely a supportive thing for me to do in terms of sobriety and recovery.
But I have to do it in small bites. Very small bites. Or else I end up triggering myself and getting into a place where I'm in danger of relapsing which I really, really don't want to do.
I see my therapist once a week. I'm also on meds. I'm Bipolar and have to take meds or I take a sharp dive off a high cliff with no parachute. It's just a fact. One of my meds is Ativan and I only take it as needed for anxiety. I am very careful with it because I really don't want to have addicition problems with Ativan. But it can be very, very helpful when I am having a real panic attack.
Anyway, however you chose to confront your PTSD and your alcoholism, I wish you well. I hope you find a way that does not threaten either. And I'm glad you're here. Keep posting and reading.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
My childhood issues created a lot of problems for me that alchohol...when i found it...seemed to lessen. A speaker I once heard said that alcohol and drugs kept her alive long enough for her to find a real answer in recovery....i really related to her.
Just wanted to say, that after many years of dealing with some PTSD issues, I thought maybe since i had "fixed" so much of that problem, maybe i could drink and it wouldn't be a problem.....
It was a mistake...I now know that I am an alchoholic and that no matter how well i learn to deal with my problems, no matter how good life gets, I will still be an alchohoic.
My childhood issues have once again come to the forefront and i will be starting counciling soon to take a closer look at this. My expereince has been that if i do not deal with the past and it's effect on me I am far more likely to drink. And certainly not likely to live a happy and fufiling life.
I attend AA and work the steps. The steps lead me to an answer, they were not the answer in and of themselves...they were the process to get me the help i needed from those with the ability and knowledge and skills to help me.
just my thoughts and expereince
Just wanted to say, that after many years of dealing with some PTSD issues, I thought maybe since i had "fixed" so much of that problem, maybe i could drink and it wouldn't be a problem.....
It was a mistake...I now know that I am an alchoholic and that no matter how well i learn to deal with my problems, no matter how good life gets, I will still be an alchohoic.
My childhood issues have once again come to the forefront and i will be starting counciling soon to take a closer look at this. My expereince has been that if i do not deal with the past and it's effect on me I am far more likely to drink. And certainly not likely to live a happy and fufiling life.
I attend AA and work the steps. The steps lead me to an answer, they were not the answer in and of themselves...they were the process to get me the help i needed from those with the ability and knowledge and skills to help me.
just my thoughts and expereince
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