Moved on but so alone................

Old 03-28-2009, 12:19 PM
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Moved on but so alone................

I chose to split with my bf of 8yrs in January.
For my sanity i had to, no matter how much he did to 'stop drinking' it NEVER worked and i truely dont think he ever wanted to.
At the time id decided this i had been living at my mums for a year, id had to get away from him as things were getting violent at times and i was losing my will to live.

At the end of February i finally found myself a lovely apartment and was really excited about starting a new life for myself.
It didnt take much for me to get over my ex, it was such a relief to know i was no longer stuck in this horrible, unloving relationship anymore.

But now im questioning whether my life is really going to get better.

Ive never felt so alone.
I go to work, come home, watch tv, read a book and go to bed every single day and nothing else.
Because of my relationship i lost friends, i became isolated from everything and to this day its getting worse.
I speak to a couple of friends from school very little these days. We totally lost contact for a while when i met my ex. They went and had kids and i got my career sorted. Our lives are just so different we dont have that much in common anymore.
Then 4 yrs into the relationship a friend who i was close to after we left school decided to start seeing my then bf behind my back and that friendship was ruined forever.
Then 3yrs ago i met a really great girl who i became amazing friends with, so similar and enjoyed doing the same things.
Now for some reason over the last couple of months shes been so quiet with me, i text her and i hear nothing back for 2wks and then shes giving me crap excuses for not getting in touch sooner.
Apparently her auntie is really sick, but she now tells me shes home cos the doctors dont know if theres anything actually wrong with her! What the hell??? Is this a reason to ignore a good friend? does this stop her texting me???? Im really starting to doubt what shes saying to me.

Its my 30th birthday tomorrow.
I have been trying to plan a night out with this friend for a month now. Whenever i have text her i asked if she wanted to start sorting a night out for it and when she replies she ignores what ive asked her.

This morning i get a text to say shes off to see her auntie and doesnt know what time she'll be back. No 'sorry i cant go on a night out' or 'i dont really feel like it' just excuses. She hasnt ever acknowledged my birthday AT ALL.

Im so sad tonight, sitting in my apartment, alone. Knowing that i want to be out enjoying my life but i have not a single damn person around to enjoy it with. Not a single friend in the world.

How sad is that? 30 and my life might aswell be over.

To make things worse my ex is annoying me yet again.
Being the typical attention seeking idiot he is, self harming, drinking and telling me hes 'lost' my cat.

Im choosing to ignore him as i always do, hes a waste of space and although im lonely im certainly not lonely enough to want anything to do with him again.

I just dont know how to stop this loneliness.
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Old 03-28-2009, 12:37 PM
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I found the only local group a few years back but never got to go. My work schedule is so unflexible i was always in work when they had sessions. I work crazy hours in my local hospital.
This is why im so upset at my friend cos shes always been there for me through some tough times but now im just getting nothing and the odd excuse.
Honestly right now the only person who cares is my mum but i cant spend my whole life hanging round with her.
Im young and want to be enjoying life. I want to find someone to love me like id love them and if i have noone to go out with how do i do all this???
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:42 PM
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I agree with Anvilhead in going with the activities or social settings that interest you. The best friendships I have had in my life have started out of a class I took, a book club I went to, a shop I frequented, a park where our dogs introduced us, or a barn where our horses were boarded.

Some were just aquaintences who made great mixed company for a holiday party and others turned into the people I still turn to and who turn to me when everything goes, shall we say, t!ts up.

In the last few years since I have stopped working in an office setting and have physically moved away from my friends and family, I have become rather hermit like. I am dreaming of getting out there again and making new friends and finding a social circle again. I know it will take work, anything good does, but without my ABF dragging behind me like an anchor, I think I can make a go of it.

I hope this lonely feeling passes for you and you are suddenly just too busy for us on SR!

Alice
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Old 03-28-2009, 04:25 PM
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I'm in about the same boat as you....actually been there twice, once when I divorced 5 years ago, and now again since I broke off with my ABF. The lonely SUCKS for sure!!
The others gave you great advise, but in addition, have you thought about posting a profile on an internet dating site? It may be too early for you to get into a relationship, but just put in there that you are looking for a friend/email buddy at first. I'm saying this because when I went through my divorce, I did that just to pass time as the loneliness was awful...but I ended up meeting 2 really nice guys in my town through the internet. I was honest, that I was just looking for a friend, and the emails slowly turned into phone calls, then going out as friends/casual dates. Of course, be careful....most people on dating sites are okay, but use caution (as with any form of meeting strangers).

Hope you feel better soon!!
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Old 03-28-2009, 07:16 PM
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Have you thought of getting in touch with old school friends? I went on Facebook a while back and found loads of old school mates and we keep in touch now online. A few of them live around my area and we're planning to meet up plus we're trying to arrange a class reunion. I've also found lots of other friends I'd lost touch with too, might be a way of getting reaquainted with friends you've lost touch with.

I'm in Liverpool too, not sure what hospital you work in but I know there's meetings near Fazakerley hosp and some not too far from the Royal, does depend on days and times but there's quite alot of meetings in Liverpool so maybe you could find one even if it's not your local, maybe the next one out?
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