firestorm090

Well, my sleep schedule is outta whack again, so I'm up at 2:30 in the morning and happy to say I made it through another Friday night without a drink. Just making it through any night without a drink is a big deal, but my weekends were the worst. Early on, in my teens, decades ago, every Friday night was party night, gonna have a good time till the cows came home, or I did, whichever happened first. Funny, after thinking about it, I don't think I ever had too much fun drining. It never really was much fun from the very start. I don't know if I even know what fun is anymore. Well, I know drinking is not fun, so I'll have to learn how to have fun again too.

I've always been an exceptional drinker. I would have stopped drinking years ago, except for this, or except for that, I always made an exception for alcohol. I'll stop drinking next week, except for that party on Friday for my good friend Joe, or Bob, or what's his name, or that wedding we're supposed to go to for my dear Aunt Sally's fifth wedding, you know the drill. I never took exception to the fact that my life was nuts, wacko, outta control, and that I was just surviving without any clue about how to really live. Now, I regret the loss of all those precious years, all those hurts that weren't necessary, all the missed opportunities in the one life I've been blessed with. I truly believe I drank for many years to escape the fact that drinking was destroying my life and I didn't know how to stop. I didn't know how to live life sober, that's always been my problem. Now, I still don't, but I want to learn how before it is too late. No more exceptions. I don't have time to waste on exceptions anymore.

There's really no deep point that I'm trying to make, and I'm not writing to anyone in particular. I guess I'm just babbling, waiting for the coffee to be ready, so I can have a cup and wake up.

Taking5

Great job on your sober time. i can totally relate to your drinking history. Every day was party day for me. Superbowl Sunday, Mardi Gras and St Pattys Day all rolled into one 2 month long party for me on my last year of drinking.

firestorm090

Thanks dgillz, yep, everyday was a party day, till the partying ran out and I was waiting for the bar to open at 6am, to get a drink to calm my nerves. I had a bad case of the nerves a lot, lol. Have you ever went to the bar when they first open? It smells like death, stale booze on the carpet, sticky bar top, eyes squinting to avoid the sun. Yep, sounds like a party to me. Yuck.

Hi Sandy, glad you're still up and I appreciate your comments. It's getting a little easier, even though I'm posting more than I should. It's tuff living alone, knowing that I used to leave at 5:45am to be at the bar when they opened at 6am most weekends. But today, I'm staying close to here, hell, last night I left my computer on while I went to take a shower, just to feel connected, crazy huh? Hope you sleep well.

tuco70

Wow, just described me. I couldn't have done it better. I printed out your second paragraph and going to put it next to my monitor to read.

Thanks firestorm.

Tuco

Aysha

I cant say my using was never fun. Because if it wasnt I wouldnt have started and kept doing it. Problem is. Fun was something I wanted all the time.
After awhile it stopped being fun and started becoming a need.
So when the excuses to have fun ran out. It became even more crucial because I needed to now.
Pretty messed up how that worked out.
But we know now we need to get clean in order to live a good life.
I dont think there is such a thing as posting more than you should.
I post a whole lot. Thats what the board is for.
I am glad your eager to learn more and more and stop with the exceptions. There sure are alot of them.
But there can be just as many for sobriety.
Hang in there and keep it up.