Sunflowers

Hey folks,
It's been a busy three weeks with the boys, and the adjudication hearing was yesterday for my sister, and her husband (although they aren't married.. I have real trouble calling him that for some reason). The day before the adjudication hearing I received a letter from him, and the overall tone of the letter I found to be coercive and threatening. Just something about the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. The part where he informed me that I was to not discuss things with DCS really rubbed me the wrong way. I called the DCS workers, and the CASA representative for the children, and explained my feelings after reading them parts of the letter. They agreed that it was coercive, and asked that I scan and email them a copy.

Well.. turns out they gave it to the judge at the hearing and he was instructed to cease and desist all communication with me unless it was for. about, or to the children. On top of matters, a restraining order was filed against his mother to cease all contact with me and the children. She had called a couple weeks ago and was very belligerent. The DCS folks just took that and ran with it and now she cannot see her grandkids or talk to them unless she files a petition for visitation.

Anywho the adjudication went well. Sis and husband waived their rights to an adjudicatory hearing, and sister has agreed to surrender her rights to the children. Husband is holding out. They were found guilty of severe abuse, and severe dependent neglect. So at this point if he chooses to not surrender his rights, they will be terminated by the court. Not to beat a dead horse, but we're hoping he will refuse to surrender his rights... :horse

This opens up new possibilities for the children and us. We will likely be allowed to finalize the adoption for the children in the next 30-60 days. It has been a roller coaster three weeks, and with all of the doctor appts in the next few months I anticipate it being even more crazy. My husband will be deploying for Iraq for three months soon so we're going to cram in as much family time as we can!

cece1960

SF
I can't tell you how much I admire your strength in all of this.
You did just what was the thing to be done, report the letter, let the experts handle it and stay detached from the drama.
Easier said than done...you are a shining example for me

winnie12

Wow! that's all happening really fast - it really shows the extent of the abuse when the court pushes it that hard. i'm proud of you for sharing that letter and other info with the court - the more you cooperate with them the more they will cooperate with you. I'm proud of your sister too for surrendering her rights - its good to see people do the right thing for their kids even if its pushed on them.

so how are the kids doing? do you have a support system to help while your husband's gone?

Serenity Bound

SF, Wow it's all happening so fast. Great news for both you & the kids. Good idea to share that letter & other info with the courts.

I hope the kids are adjusting, and that you have wonderful family time with hubby!

Freedom1990

Those children are incredibly blessed to have you and hubby in their lives! :ghug :ghug

laurie6781

WOW!!!

Thank you for the update. Looks like the children have family and court on their side. You are a SUPER AUNT!!!!!

Please tell your husband THANK YOU and give him a hug for his service, from a grateful American. I too was a military wife, during the Viet Nam era and beyond so I know what you are going through there also.

I hope and pray that y'all can enjoy each day to the fullest!

Love and hugs,

Sunflowers

No, THANK YOU! I can't imagine having been a military wife during that era. At least these days I hear from him weekly at the very least via email. I had a discussion with my Mom a while back, another V. Era military wife, and I told her I didn't know how she did it. She told me, The same way you do.. you get up, put on your big girl panties, and deal with it! *laughs*

Sunflowers

My husband's unit is extraordinarily close knit, and several of them have called over the past few weeks while he has been gone on a short trip. I only had one moment about a week ago where I even considered calling on one of them. All of the boys were sick, and then my 15 yr old came down with a 103 fever and full on body shaking chills. I almost panicked when I was trying to figure out how to get 3 small children packed and in the car for an ER trip, plus wrestle a 140 lb 15 yr old who was shaking so hard he couldn't walk out the door! I took a few deep breaths, called Mom in Georgia, and she walked me through the tried and true fever treatments. My brain just shut down because the situation overwhelmed me. She reminded me that I wasn't without resources, nor was I powerless. My Mom has been a genuine lifesaver over the phone the past few weeks!

Sunflowers

*laughs* I don't know if you would have said that on the day I got the letter. Mostly I spent the day frothing at the mouth, and mumbling things like.. M$*%#&F*$&%# Better not F(&# with me! I can't say that it was a shining example for anyone, but I managed to keep my wits and not let him manipulate me or the situation. If nothing else it's shown him that I won't play games. I haven't heard from Sis yet about it, although I imagine that I will be soon. I am prepared for her to be ticked off at me because I didn't dance to the jig he was whistling. It's hard because I don't want to hurt her, but she and he both will have to realize that because of the decisions they made I have been put in a position where I HAVE to make these kinds of decisions. For the safety, sanity, and stability of the children if for nothing else.