jmf1127

I have been married for 16 years. My husband is an alcoholic in denial. My daughter is 15 and hates him...and is always asking me to divorce him. I don't know why i stayed with him this long. I think im afraid of change. I keep telling myself one day my dauther will regret me for staying with him--i can see it already. There's that little "feel sorry" that I have i guess. I know he could not make it without me and my daughter would probalby not want to see or be with him. I have discussed with my daughter going to alateen or counselling but she totally refuses and hates it when i bring the subject up. I know I need help but i need to help my daughter. I don't want her to hate me...

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Jmf.
Welcome to the recovery forums.

A lot of us have stayed with drug users and alcoholics, supporting them in their bad behavior because "they couldn't make it without us". And it's true that wallowing in their disease they are not going to survive on their own. But that's where choice comes in. If he chooses, he can stop drinking, and make it just fine on his own. You would not be responsible if he made the choice to go lie in a gutter and swill himself to death.

You have suggested alateen to your daughter. Have you been to alanon for yourself? Maybe if you try it, she will. And maybe you will discover what you are afraid of that is keeping you in a marriage where, if I read you right, the main feeling you have for this man is pity.

Hugs,
Smoke

earthgirrl

Does your daughter say why she hates her father? Has she told you any specific things (he's violent, unreliable, etc.)? You wrote that he can't make it without you. But you and your daughter can make it without him. That's a good thing! Hang in there and maybe get your daughter to talk to a counselor about the situation?