Terminal uniqueness
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Terminal uniqueness
What was your experience with 'terminal uniqueness'?
Protecting yourself through your feelings of being completely different from other people and through your ideas that you are therefore misperceived by them.
I know it was one of the things that kept me away from those people.
Protecting yourself through your feelings of being completely different from other people and through your ideas that you are therefore misperceived by them.
I know it was one of the things that kept me away from those people.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I was pretty unique - I had a university education, and I had cerebral palsy....
but it wasn't until I realised I was just like any other alcoholic - just another alkie - that I began to listen and get better. Only another alcoholic gets another alcoholic. I expect it's the same for other addicts.
That not to say we're all the same or have no value as ourselves or that we should respond the same way to the same things - clearly we're not like that.
but if I waited for another university educated alkie with cerebral palsy who plays guitar to listen to? I'd probably be dead.
D
but it wasn't until I realised I was just like any other alcoholic - just another alkie - that I began to listen and get better. Only another alcoholic gets another alcoholic. I expect it's the same for other addicts.
That not to say we're all the same or have no value as ourselves or that we should respond the same way to the same things - clearly we're not like that.
but if I waited for another university educated alkie with cerebral palsy who plays guitar to listen to? I'd probably be dead.
D
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Hmmm... I used to feel that way when I was younger alot,when I was more introverted. Now that I'm more confident and willing to express myself I find I'm not as unique as I thought. In fact I think "total uniqueness" sounds like a precurser to delusional thoughts which I have suffered a few of in my younger days.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
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How do you catch a unique alcoholic? You nique up on them, lol. OK, I know it's corny, but it's the best I've got tonight, lol.
It's common to think we're all unique, till we meet people who are just like us, then we're just one of the crowd. Funny thing is, it's always been that way, we were just too stoned to notice.
It's common to think we're all unique, till we meet people who are just like us, then we're just one of the crowd. Funny thing is, it's always been that way, we were just too stoned to notice.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Whenever anyone here tries to claim they're 'different' 'unique' or 'special' I'm afraid everything in me screams 'DENIAL!' Because it was my biggest defence against accepting I was and am an alcoholic.I used to claim that too.I wasn't 'as bad as them'....*cough* LOL
Sure our personalities are 'unique'-but this shared disease of alcoholism is a great leveller and we ARE all the same when it comes to how it pans out.I have yet to hear a story that I didn't identify with on some level and nothing shocks me anymore about what people have done or are doing because of it.
I know alkies who are corporate millionares, and I also know alkies who are homeless, and it doesn't matter to me how 'different' they might be from me superficially.It's actually the thing we share in common (our powerlessness over alcohol)that makes me feel connected to them.And THAT is 'special'-but in the good way.And we only experience that by accepting that we're not....
Ironic hey?
Sure our personalities are 'unique'-but this shared disease of alcoholism is a great leveller and we ARE all the same when it comes to how it pans out.I have yet to hear a story that I didn't identify with on some level and nothing shocks me anymore about what people have done or are doing because of it.
I know alkies who are corporate millionares, and I also know alkies who are homeless, and it doesn't matter to me how 'different' they might be from me superficially.It's actually the thing we share in common (our powerlessness over alcohol)that makes me feel connected to them.And THAT is 'special'-but in the good way.And we only experience that by accepting that we're not....
Ironic hey?
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You know I became so unique that I damn near died alone!!
Yes I am still me and there is still today no one like me (Thank God!), yet I am not unique enough to not have similarities with others, especially alcoholics!
I have heard several hundred alcoholics give talks, one man lived in a group home and the only thing he owned was his clothes, then there was the Superior court judge, on the exterior I had nothing in common with them but when it come to alcoholism we share many things, I learned this by listening to them tell thier story, they had all experienced that feeling of being alone, hopeless, lost, and being ruled by alcohol, they had rode with the 4 horsemen, Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, & Despair, the same ride I had taken. They had also found the same solution for thier alcoholism as I have.
Yes I am still unique as a human being, but I share a great deal of similarities with other alcoholics, I am no longer alone, there are others with the same issues and solution as me.
Yes I am still me and there is still today no one like me (Thank God!), yet I am not unique enough to not have similarities with others, especially alcoholics!
I have heard several hundred alcoholics give talks, one man lived in a group home and the only thing he owned was his clothes, then there was the Superior court judge, on the exterior I had nothing in common with them but when it come to alcoholism we share many things, I learned this by listening to them tell thier story, they had all experienced that feeling of being alone, hopeless, lost, and being ruled by alcohol, they had rode with the 4 horsemen, Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, & Despair, the same ride I had taken. They had also found the same solution for thier alcoholism as I have.
Yes I am still unique as a human being, but I share a great deal of similarities with other alcoholics, I am no longer alone, there are others with the same issues and solution as me.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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I have identical twin daughters. Being unique is a very important part of their life. My daughters have helped me to realize that everyone is unique and special in their own way. It makes us no better or worse than anybody else. Nobody else can do it quite like we can in our own unique way.
What is important to me is that I make an effort to learn from the mistakes of the past and not repeat them. Being sober I have discovered a part of me that is worth sharing with others.
Except of course on the first couple of days I quit smoking recently!! Hey I ain't even trying to walk on that water, I sink like a rock!! Can we say six pack of amends?
What is important to me is that I make an effort to learn from the mistakes of the past and not repeat them. Being sober I have discovered a part of me that is worth sharing with others.
Except of course on the first couple of days I quit smoking recently!! Hey I ain't even trying to walk on that water, I sink like a rock!! Can we say six pack of amends?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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This thread brought a smile to my face.
I'm fairly new to AA and during my last meeting Friday, we were discussing the 5th step (which I'm almost ready to do). Anyway, I was sharing some of the difficulties I was having with this when one of the old timers looks at me and asks me how many liquor stores did I used to go to and try to space out enough so I wouldn't appear to be a "regular"? Well, I guess that the look on my face said it all. I was shocked! The whole room erupted in laughter and I couldn't figure out what was so funny. That's when one of the old timers told me that I suffered from "terminal uniqueness".
At that moment I felt like I belonged there and I was at the best place I could be to overcome this horrible thing. I'm not unique enough where someone can't help me show me a better way to deal and overcome the shame I have created. Terminal uniqueness can be deadly.
I'm fairly new to AA and during my last meeting Friday, we were discussing the 5th step (which I'm almost ready to do). Anyway, I was sharing some of the difficulties I was having with this when one of the old timers looks at me and asks me how many liquor stores did I used to go to and try to space out enough so I wouldn't appear to be a "regular"? Well, I guess that the look on my face said it all. I was shocked! The whole room erupted in laughter and I couldn't figure out what was so funny. That's when one of the old timers told me that I suffered from "terminal uniqueness".
At that moment I felt like I belonged there and I was at the best place I could be to overcome this horrible thing. I'm not unique enough where someone can't help me show me a better way to deal and overcome the shame I have created. Terminal uniqueness can be deadly.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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There is nothing wrong with being your own individual, I like my own style and never liked to run with the pack..........but if I think I am soooooo special/different/ strange/ alone/ for whatever reason ...that it blocks my recovery ..then its no use!!alcoholism is the great leveler and it really does not see anyone so unique. Anyone can be lucky enough to be an alcoholic. I have watched and even helped people who because they thought they were different and would not get recovery....some straight, some gay ,some single parents, some too young, some thought they were too old ,some were from religious orders .....and on and on ....each one thinking they were terminally unique, including myself. Oh if I could count how many times I said or thought "I am not like them.....I am different" or its ok for them, but they don't have my problems!! Thank God someone told me I was not terminal unique!!
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Originally Posted by nickishine 
We are who we are, JOHN. Uniqiemess.... WE ALL ARE!!!!!
"Terminal Uniqueness" refers to the idea that if the active addict can't get past that particular defense mechanism, there is no hope for recovery.
"I have a great job!"
"I never got a DUI!"
"I see a therapist!"
We are all unique, like some others have mentioned alcoholism/addiction is the great leveler. If you get to meet enough newcomers, you may actually hear that phrase -"But I'm different"
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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I've said "but I'm different"quite a few times. In fact just recently with the Xanax. My ideology was since I was prescribed them it was ok to take even when I had no anxiety. Now I have an up and down relationship with the Xanax. I'll quit taking them for awhile(usually a couple weeks). I'll get cocky think that I'm "stronger then the drug" and start taking them just when I get bored. and go through it all in a couple weeks.(actually haven't taken one in three days) And to be perfectly honest with myself I don't know if I'll ever truly be sober. One thing I know for certain,doc should've never put me on those damn things.
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I'm so glad there is this posting I was just going through the other post by Bam and wanted to talk about this subject since it was mentioned there a lot but was reticent to post again on that particular thread. So thinking I should start a new post on this theme I click back and low and behold..."terminal uniqueness" by sailorjohn? How fitting!
I am going to post a longer thing with some thoughts but first, because this is an AA term, and a lot of us are not AAers,can someone please explain the "terminal" before "uniqueness"? I am not exactly fully understanding the phrase.
I am going to post a longer thing with some thoughts but first, because this is an AA term, and a lot of us are not AAers,can someone please explain the "terminal" before "uniqueness"? I am not exactly fully understanding the phrase.
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Originally Posted by sfgirl
I'm so glad there is this posting I was just going through the other post by Bam and wanted to talk about this subject since it was mentioned there a lot but was reticent to post again on that particular thread. So thinking I should start a new post on this theme I click back and low and behold..."terminal uniqueness" by sailorjohn? How fitting!
I am going to post a longer thing with some thoughts but first, because this is an AA term, and a lot of us are not AAers,can someone please explain the "terminal" before "uniqueness"? I am not exactly fully understanding the phrase.
I am going to post a longer thing with some thoughts but first, because this is an AA term, and a lot of us are not AAers,can someone please explain the "terminal" before "uniqueness"? I am not exactly fully understanding the phrase.
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