Having a tough time
learning to live for me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Having a tough time
Hello everyone.
I drove 30 min. tonight to get to an Al-Anon meeting (no Nar-Anon or ACoA meeting within 2 hrs of where I live). And they don't have the meeting anymore. Wonderful.
I know that it is always an option to start my own and let others know about it but as a Codie I'm always over-responsible and for once in my life I would like to go somewhere that others can take care of me. I just want to collapse in the arms of someone who cares and has been where I'm at right now. I feel so alone.
My ex-fiance' (crack addict) has not been giving up. I asked him not to contact me until he was clean and sober and since (according to him...we know how that goes) he has been clean 2.5 weeks he thinks that means he can incessantly email, txt and send flowers with apology cards. And now his mother has started up calling my phone. I just hit ignore and send it to voicemail.
Honestly, my hands are up with this. I am lonely as hell and yes, I am hurting. My heart is shattered. But I am done with the insanity. I don't want to hurt anymore and I can't see a relationship with him without losing my serenity. Being around/with him triggers every codie tendency I ever thought of having. I want to care for and coddle him, anticipate his needs, listen to and encourage him. All while he lays in *my bed*, drinks *my* Coke Zero (my DOC..haha), and eats *my* food.
I'm feeling very territorial and protective over my newfound peace and freedom. I think I've been feeling that it sucked until someone has tried to bump their way back in my hula hoop. I need a cattle zapper!
It doesn't change my love for him, but I know that I need to enforce my boundaries as soon as I figure out what I need.
Should I ask him to call me in a month? Or that I will call him? I want to take it day by day. So the thought of never talking to him is overwhelming.
Please help!!!!
Thank you.
I drove 30 min. tonight to get to an Al-Anon meeting (no Nar-Anon or ACoA meeting within 2 hrs of where I live). And they don't have the meeting anymore. Wonderful.
I know that it is always an option to start my own and let others know about it but as a Codie I'm always over-responsible and for once in my life I would like to go somewhere that others can take care of me. I just want to collapse in the arms of someone who cares and has been where I'm at right now. I feel so alone.
My ex-fiance' (crack addict) has not been giving up. I asked him not to contact me until he was clean and sober and since (according to him...we know how that goes) he has been clean 2.5 weeks he thinks that means he can incessantly email, txt and send flowers with apology cards. And now his mother has started up calling my phone. I just hit ignore and send it to voicemail.
Honestly, my hands are up with this. I am lonely as hell and yes, I am hurting. My heart is shattered. But I am done with the insanity. I don't want to hurt anymore and I can't see a relationship with him without losing my serenity. Being around/with him triggers every codie tendency I ever thought of having. I want to care for and coddle him, anticipate his needs, listen to and encourage him. All while he lays in *my bed*, drinks *my* Coke Zero (my DOC..haha), and eats *my* food.
I'm feeling very territorial and protective over my newfound peace and freedom. I think I've been feeling that it sucked until someone has tried to bump their way back in my hula hoop. I need a cattle zapper!
It doesn't change my love for him, but I know that I need to enforce my boundaries as soon as I figure out what I need.
Should I ask him to call me in a month? Or that I will call him? I want to take it day by day. So the thought of never talking to him is overwhelming.
Please help!!!!
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
PS. Those electric cattle prods hurt! I used to work for a vet, and two guys were out back painting one day (the vet knew both guys). I came out teasing them, had an electric cattle prod and threatened to zap them if they didn't quiet down as they were disturbing my 'patients' (it was surgery day). Well, the one guy asked if he could see the prod, and I said he could but do NOT use it on anyone. Well he zapped the other guy and I thought that guy was going to kill him! 
He was limping for a good 15 minutes! (he got him in the thigh)
He was limping for a good 15 minutes! (he got him in the thigh)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by breakingfree88 
Hello everyone.
I drove 30 min. tonight to get to an Al-Anon meeting (no Nar-Anon or ACoA meeting within 2 hrs of where I live). And they don't have the meeting anymore. Wonderful.
I know that it is always an option to start my own and let others know about it but as a Codie I'm always over-responsible and for once in my life I would like to go somewhere that others can take care of me. I just want to collapse in the arms of someone who cares and has been where I'm at right now. I feel so alone.
My ex-fiance' (crack addict) has not been giving up. I asked him not to contact me until he was clean and sober and since (according to him...we know how that goes) he has been clean 2.5 weeks he thinks that means he can incessantly email, txt and send flowers with apology cards. And now his mother has started up calling my phone. I just hit ignore and send it to voicemail.
Honestly, my hands are up with this. I am lonely as hell and yes, I am hurting. My heart is shattered. But I am done with the insanity. I don't want to hurt anymore and I can't see a relationship with him without losing my serenity. Being around/with him triggers every codie tendency I ever thought of having. I want to care for and coddle him, anticipate his needs, listen to and encourage him. All while he lays in *my bed*, drinks *my* Coke Zero (my DOC..haha), and eats *my* food.
I'm feeling very territorial and protective over my newfound peace and freedom. I think I've been feeling that it sucked until someone has tried to bump their way back in my hula hoop. I need a cattle zapper!
It doesn't change my love for him, but I know that I need to enforce my boundaries as soon as I figure out what I need.
Should I ask him to call me in a month? Or that I will call him? I want to take it day by day. So the thought of never talking to him is overwhelming.
Please help!!!!
Thank you.
I drove 30 min. tonight to get to an Al-Anon meeting (no Nar-Anon or ACoA meeting within 2 hrs of where I live). And they don't have the meeting anymore. Wonderful.
I know that it is always an option to start my own and let others know about it but as a Codie I'm always over-responsible and for once in my life I would like to go somewhere that others can take care of me. I just want to collapse in the arms of someone who cares and has been where I'm at right now. I feel so alone.
My ex-fiance' (crack addict) has not been giving up. I asked him not to contact me until he was clean and sober and since (according to him...we know how that goes) he has been clean 2.5 weeks he thinks that means he can incessantly email, txt and send flowers with apology cards. And now his mother has started up calling my phone. I just hit ignore and send it to voicemail.
Honestly, my hands are up with this. I am lonely as hell and yes, I am hurting. My heart is shattered. But I am done with the insanity. I don't want to hurt anymore and I can't see a relationship with him without losing my serenity. Being around/with him triggers every codie tendency I ever thought of having. I want to care for and coddle him, anticipate his needs, listen to and encourage him. All while he lays in *my bed*, drinks *my* Coke Zero (my DOC..haha), and eats *my* food.
I'm feeling very territorial and protective over my newfound peace and freedom. I think I've been feeling that it sucked until someone has tried to bump their way back in my hula hoop. I need a cattle zapper!
It doesn't change my love for him, but I know that I need to enforce my boundaries as soon as I figure out what I need.
Should I ask him to call me in a month? Or that I will call him? I want to take it day by day. So the thought of never talking to him is overwhelming.
Please help!!!!
Thank you.
You know it possibly from your own experience, but not every crack addict ends up on a street corner, very easy for an addict to go a month or so between binges.
Crackreality Discussion Group • Index page
Have posted this up a few times, we have members here that have contributed to this site, and shared those contributions here, a lot of good crack-specific into there. Just try taking it a day at a time, and do read up-here and elsewhere, about the reality of crack addiction.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
day by da hell minute by minute......me I would run like the bats of hell were on my heels.....was so happy after I got threw the grieving period....as for the cattle prod, my parents have one we have a beef farm....remember my brother getting hit with it accidently when the bull moved......never saw my dad laugh so hard in his life...........lol
good luck,
Pamm
good luck,
Pamm
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm sorry you're hurting. I can totally understand the feeling of "wanting someone to take care of me".
FWIW, I'm a recovering crack addict and a recovering codie. I've been told by many, many people how it's "almost impossible" to recover from crack, but I have a few friends, here, who are also recovering from it.
I'm not saying that for you to give him another chance. I'm saying that because if he wanted it bad enough, he could do it. I didn't go to treatment (unless you consider being locked up treatment). I just got really tired of consequences and decided I'd better do something so I wouldn't have any more BAD consequences. That was 2 years ago.
As far as YOU go, I would take things day by day, or as Pamm said, hour by hour if you have too. I left my XABF, as he wanted to keep using. I, too, am extremely protective of my serenity these days. I highly resent anyone intruding in "my space". I had trouble setting boundaries, at first, but am getting better the more I practice. This forum has helped me, tremendously.
Be gentle with yourself, drink your Coke Zero, and keep reading and posting here. The friends I have made here, have shown me a new way of life, and it is SOOOO much better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
FWIW, I'm a recovering crack addict and a recovering codie. I've been told by many, many people how it's "almost impossible" to recover from crack, but I have a few friends, here, who are also recovering from it.
I'm not saying that for you to give him another chance. I'm saying that because if he wanted it bad enough, he could do it. I didn't go to treatment (unless you consider being locked up treatment). I just got really tired of consequences and decided I'd better do something so I wouldn't have any more BAD consequences. That was 2 years ago.
As far as YOU go, I would take things day by day, or as Pamm said, hour by hour if you have too. I left my XABF, as he wanted to keep using. I, too, am extremely protective of my serenity these days. I highly resent anyone intruding in "my space". I had trouble setting boundaries, at first, but am getting better the more I practice. This forum has helped me, tremendously.
Be gentle with yourself, drink your Coke Zero, and keep reading and posting here. The friends I have made here, have shown me a new way of life, and it is SOOOO much better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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