Looking the world in the eye...
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Looking the world in the eye...
One of the greatest gifts that has come to me with recovery and sobriety is the renewed ability to look the world and it's inhabitants directly in the eye both literally and figuratively, proud of who I am, willing to talk if that's what happens, happy to smile if I'm lucky enough to catch one or even if I don't.
In the past, it was difficult. Shame and dark thoughts ruled the day. Smoking pot made me very conscious of just how bad (red and puffy) my eyes actually looked and felt, so I oftentimes avoided eye contact with people. Drinking made me loud and obnoxious, the shame of it all sometimes prevented me from looking people in the eye. Smoking cigarettes made me stink and the shame of smoking drove me into dark corners and secret places where nobody could see me smoking.
The lifestyle I was living was nothing to be proud of and it seemed to me like everyone could tell, could see that shame written all over my face, and most particularly in my eyes. So the solution was to pull back from the world and not look it straight in the eye. I'm so grateful now for my sobriety and for my ability to look right into the eyes of the world and say, this is me, proud and happy to meet you.
In the past, it was difficult. Shame and dark thoughts ruled the day. Smoking pot made me very conscious of just how bad (red and puffy) my eyes actually looked and felt, so I oftentimes avoided eye contact with people. Drinking made me loud and obnoxious, the shame of it all sometimes prevented me from looking people in the eye. Smoking cigarettes made me stink and the shame of smoking drove me into dark corners and secret places where nobody could see me smoking.
The lifestyle I was living was nothing to be proud of and it seemed to me like everyone could tell, could see that shame written all over my face, and most particularly in my eyes. So the solution was to pull back from the world and not look it straight in the eye. I'm so grateful now for my sobriety and for my ability to look right into the eyes of the world and say, this is me, proud and happy to meet you.
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