dorton

My 20 year old AS is due to get out of a 3 month rehab on April 25th. What do I need to do in order to be prepared for his homecoming? There are no meetings in my area so I pretty much rely on this board for help. I am unsure of what to do or say when he is home. As I have mentioned before we saw him 2 weeks ago and it was a disappointing visit. I saw some glimses of change but not any where enough to make me think this was going to work for the long haul. I talk to him on the phone daily and sometimes our conversations go pretty well but at times they are strained neither one of us seems to know what to say to the other. Can you think of of a more sad thing for a mother to say about her relationship with her own son??? I just don't know if he has any emotion where I am concerned it is almost as if he calls me because he knows he should not because he wants to talk to me. I know this rambles, but so does my mind when it comes to his drug abuse, but I just really need advise. I don't want to wait until the day before he comes home and think of all the things I should have done while he was gone.

MyJoey

Wow that is a hard one, no meetings? I guess you just have to lay down your rules and make sure he lives by them. Give him love, but don't support any addiction. Make is clear what you expect of him, NO DRUGS, needs to find and job, home by ___, I want to know who you are with, whatever your rules are make them clear write them down and post in his room so if he breaks them there is no excuse. Praying for the best.

Freedom1990

What area do you live in? I live in a small town of 3000 and we have a group here that meets 3 times a week.

He really needs a face to face support group.

laurie6781

Actually I would not prepare to accept him at home, I would prepare to send him to a sober living facility, wherein he still has some structure, has to get a job, so he can pay his room and board weekly, has to attend meetings, has to do chores, has to take a turn at cooking, etc etc etc

It will be better for him and for you. He will start to learn how to LIVE SOBER with others who are learning the same thing.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Freedom1990

I didn't even think about a sober living facility. Obviously I have not consumed enough coffee yet today!

Taking5

I am having a hard time with the no meetings comment as well. Unless you are in the middle of no where in the Yukon this is not likely.

NeedingHelp7

I agree. If this option is available, it truly would be best.

marle

You can attend Ala-non if there are no Nar-anon meetings close by. I also live in a small town and we have one meeting here and another one 15 miles away. As far as AA or NA we have those everyday of the week. When my daughter went to rehab, she stayed in the rehab part for 10 days and then went into their halfway house for 2 months. It really helped her to transition back to the real world while still having the safety of a supervised environment. When she came home, we made two rules. No drinking or using and you have to find a job. She got the job, treated us with respect and was generally pleasant to be around. After she was home for 3 months, she decided that she would drink. We asked her to find her own place and she has been living in her apartment since then. We get along a lot better and she knows that she is responsible for her choices. Maybe the rehab can help you come up with a plan that everyone can live with. Hugs, Marle

p.s. If he is not ready to stay clean, nothing you do or say will make him. That goes for using too. It is up to him.

Done_With_It

What are his therapists in rehab recommending? Usually they are involved in some type of after care plan.

splendra

Your sanity...

dorton

Not so sure my sanity is in tact these days. Hopefully it will return. The sober living house is a great idea that I will mention to his counselor. so far they have said nothing about his return home. Maybe I am a little early in my worring, but it hit me today that he will be home in little over a month and I'm not so sure we are ready.

Freedom1990

You have the right to insist his coming home is not an option and he and the counselors can figure out what his next step is.

:ghug :ghug

BBD

Hi dorton, My son came home here and stayed with us for a few months after he left rehab. I wanted him to go to a sober living situation but his councelor agreed he may not need it. He went to meetings everyday for well over 4 months and has relapsed one almost a year ago. They do need help and in the rooms is where they find it. I had rules for Chris and he did stick by them......and really didn't out stay his welcome here. Talk to the people where he is. You may be worrying for no reason at all..

kj3880

Are you sure there are no AA or NA meetings there? No CDA, nothing? No Cocaine Anon? No Alanon, Naranon, nothing? If you could IM me your location, maybe I can help dig you up some resources here. Coming home with no support from inpatient is a recipe for disaster, sorry to be the one to tell you.

KJ

Spiritual Seeker

You, him and his counselor can work out a transition plan and your home does not need to be on the list of options.

I made the mistake of bringing my son home after his 1st rehab.
After 2nd rehab he went to sober home and got kicked out...my home was NOT and option so he moved in w/ his girlfriend (he found a way w/o me being the next enabler)

He has now finished his 3rd rehab. I have agreed to pay 6 mos. of sober living house...he better be saving because after that he is on his own financially.

Take time to figure out what is best for YOU and best for HIM

Hangin' In

I agree with the others who recommend a halfway or sober living house.

It was very hard for me to live up close and personal with my daughter even after she was about a year sober. I cannot imagine trying to live with her at only 3 months sober.

Your AS needs to be in an environment where he can continue his recovery which means meetings, meetings, meetings and being around others who are in recovery.

And for you, I'd advise Al Anon or Nar Anon as those meetings are for us... the families of alcholics or addicts. I just don't think I would have made it without my meetings.

Just talk to the counselors and see what they recommend. If they say your house would be okay, I'd be apt to tell them that your house is not an option and ask what is their next recommendation.

Remember, recovery for you is about you being able to have peace and serenity in your life. And you might want to ask yourself if you can have that with him living right there with you.

Hugs and prayers and try not to worry. Worry does nothing but steal the good from today.

Hangin' In