Ive gotta lot of work to do yet!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 215
Ive gotta lot of work to do yet!
Undersanding the what and why is only the beginning. Through alanon and therapy and reading about codependency I now understand my difficulties today, and that they largely stem from my childhood homelife.
Now what?!
Well this morning it hit me...quite simply... where I need the most work is in "communication" and setting "boundaries." Its like God spoke to me this morning and said, Here is what you need to focus on...
"I feel ________" and "I want ______"
But you know what? Those two sentences...as embarrassed as I am to admit...are extretemly foreign to me! And makes me scared...to venture into that. But why not? Others close to me seem to have NO trouble expressing their feelings and wants!
Does anyone identify with the fear and discomfort of changing?
Now what?!
Well this morning it hit me...quite simply... where I need the most work is in "communication" and setting "boundaries." Its like God spoke to me this morning and said, Here is what you need to focus on...
"I feel ________" and "I want ______"
But you know what? Those two sentences...as embarrassed as I am to admit...are extretemly foreign to me! And makes me scared...to venture into that. But why not? Others close to me seem to have NO trouble expressing their feelings and wants!
Does anyone identify with the fear and discomfort of changing?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Hi Jehnifer,
yeah, i can relate to that. Definately. All of us are in situations we'd like to change. And most of us here are in situations that look nothing like we thought they would be when we started them. I mean, when we made these huge life choices with partners and with children, which of us said "Yeah, we'll get married, it'll be fun for a short while, then we'll live from crises to crises. ", or "I love children! I can't wait to have them, and watch them change from being a beautiful toddler to an active addict constantly creating crises like a tornado. I cannot wait to begin this new life!"
This stuff just happens on us. We can't control all events around us, be we can learn to exist in the chaos, detach from it, and not feel we were the cause.
Here's a book i found very helpful. I was amazed how much more i feel in control of the uncomfortable, definately unplanned, decisions i make:
Amazon.com: The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships: Harriet Lerner: Books
You can get it on CD or Tape for listening when driving.
yeah, i can relate to that. Definately. All of us are in situations we'd like to change. And most of us here are in situations that look nothing like we thought they would be when we started them. I mean, when we made these huge life choices with partners and with children, which of us said "Yeah, we'll get married, it'll be fun for a short while, then we'll live from crises to crises. ", or "I love children! I can't wait to have them, and watch them change from being a beautiful toddler to an active addict constantly creating crises like a tornado. I cannot wait to begin this new life!"
This stuff just happens on us. We can't control all events around us, be we can learn to exist in the chaos, detach from it, and not feel we were the cause.
Here's a book i found very helpful. I was amazed how much more i feel in control of the uncomfortable, definately unplanned, decisions i make:
Amazon.com: The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships: Harriet Lerner: Books
You can get it on CD or Tape for listening when driving.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Learning to know what our wants and needs are and then how to ask for those things is not at all easy, and takes a lot of work on ourselves.
It takes courage, perseverance, and sometimes sheer blind faith to do it, but oh how wonderful it is when we finally have a break through.
Keep on trying and you can succeed.
God bless
It takes courage, perseverance, and sometimes sheer blind faith to do it, but oh how wonderful it is when we finally have a break through.
Keep on trying and you can succeed.
God bless
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