I'm new, my first post here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 44
I'm new, my first post here
Hi
I am new to this site and dealing with these issues. I didn't realize what.....I can't even think of a word to describe the situtaiton we are in. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, sober 3 years but he is addicted to pain medication. And this pain medication to say the least is running both our lives. I'm not sure if this is an upside or not but this past Monday he told me he realizes he is chasing around a little white pill and doesn't want to anymore, he said he's talked to his brother and fellow AA friends about it and says its time. So he went to the doctor and told the doctor this so they took him off the Oxycontin and now gave him a pain patch instead. To me it seems like he's just replaced one thing for the other. I talked to the pharmasict and doc and they both agreed this is a big step for him and a good way for him to get used to the idea of not popping pills, not counting, not carrying pills around with him. This is a very long story and I am so frustrated by it all since I recently became aware that all this means for me is that I have been lied too, manipulated, conned, enabled and anything else. I thought I was a pretty together smart women who saw through the ********. I still believe I can see through some of it but everyone around me keeps telling me I'm dealing with a professional con artist which makes me feel worse.
Today when I probably should give him a small clap on the back for admitting what he has but now after all this I feel like clawing his eyes out. I am so disappointed, sad, hurt which isn't normally like me I am a very happy, optimistic compassionate person but with him..........thats the other thing apparently I defend everyone on the planet but him. I'm critical, pushy, controlling and don't explain things well.......wow I was only going to post to introduce myself and I ended up with this. Please let me know if this isnt the right place to post this and where I should go.
I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel just seems like its worlds away.
JuneBug
I am new to this site and dealing with these issues. I didn't realize what.....I can't even think of a word to describe the situtaiton we are in. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, sober 3 years but he is addicted to pain medication. And this pain medication to say the least is running both our lives. I'm not sure if this is an upside or not but this past Monday he told me he realizes he is chasing around a little white pill and doesn't want to anymore, he said he's talked to his brother and fellow AA friends about it and says its time. So he went to the doctor and told the doctor this so they took him off the Oxycontin and now gave him a pain patch instead. To me it seems like he's just replaced one thing for the other. I talked to the pharmasict and doc and they both agreed this is a big step for him and a good way for him to get used to the idea of not popping pills, not counting, not carrying pills around with him. This is a very long story and I am so frustrated by it all since I recently became aware that all this means for me is that I have been lied too, manipulated, conned, enabled and anything else. I thought I was a pretty together smart women who saw through the ********. I still believe I can see through some of it but everyone around me keeps telling me I'm dealing with a professional con artist which makes me feel worse.
Today when I probably should give him a small clap on the back for admitting what he has but now after all this I feel like clawing his eyes out. I am so disappointed, sad, hurt which isn't normally like me I am a very happy, optimistic compassionate person but with him..........thats the other thing apparently I defend everyone on the planet but him. I'm critical, pushy, controlling and don't explain things well.......wow I was only going to post to introduce myself and I ended up with this. Please let me know if this isnt the right place to post this and where I should go.
I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel just seems like its worlds away.
JuneBug
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Welcome to SR. You are in the right place. This forum is full of people that can help you.
I don't know how much you know about Addiction but please read the stickies on the top of the page. I do know this you didn't cause it, you cannot cure it or control it.
Other people will be along that know alot more than I do. Keep coming back & posting. You will find alot of support here.
Diane
I don't know how much you know about Addiction but please read the stickies on the top of the page. I do know this you didn't cause it, you cannot cure it or control it.
Other people will be along that know alot more than I do. Keep coming back & posting. You will find alot of support here.
Diane
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Welcome and you are in the right place......
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this... pain med addiction can be devestating.....
keep reading and writing... you will get answers.
take care,
cess
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this... pain med addiction can be devestating.....
keep reading and writing... you will get answers.
take care,
cess
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
a warm welcome, junebug. how hurt you must be. and angry.
the pain patch makes no sense to me. i see it as you do. the members of the "substance abuse" site are really helpful in sharing info about drugs, detoxes, etc, so maybe you could make a post there? it's important for you to know, i think, because here we say watch ACTIONS, and someone in AA wearing an opiate pain patch (i'm assuming) seems to be not taking the right actions to recover.
addicts who don't want to face responsibilty and maturity find lots of different ways to escape, different ways of finding the trance. but they are still acting and living like addicts if they are not clean as a whistle and working a spiritual program based on absolute honesty and accountability. he has been neither with you, recently, and your emotions are normal.
take some time to yourself, read about addicts and about codependency to refresh what you know, then write down your boundaries and bottom lines.
stay connected and the very best to you. i hope you attend al-anon.
the pain patch makes no sense to me. i see it as you do. the members of the "substance abuse" site are really helpful in sharing info about drugs, detoxes, etc, so maybe you could make a post there? it's important for you to know, i think, because here we say watch ACTIONS, and someone in AA wearing an opiate pain patch (i'm assuming) seems to be not taking the right actions to recover.
addicts who don't want to face responsibilty and maturity find lots of different ways to escape, different ways of finding the trance. but they are still acting and living like addicts if they are not clean as a whistle and working a spiritual program based on absolute honesty and accountability. he has been neither with you, recently, and your emotions are normal.
take some time to yourself, read about addicts and about codependency to refresh what you know, then write down your boundaries and bottom lines.
stay connected and the very best to you. i hope you attend al-anon.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi welcome...I think we all come here when we reach the point where the pain is just too much...similar to when the addict decides to try recovery. Addiction has made many of us as messed up in our own ways as our addicts...As your said, a nice, "normal" person to the rest of the world, but "critical, pushy, controlling " with the addict. Sure sometimes they say that to us and it is an attempt to shift the focus away from their use, but I sure found, once I started working on me and could look at myself in an honest way, that it was true...I wanted to control the addiction and thus the addict. It doesn't work that way...I didn't cause it, can't cure it and sure can't control it. (We call that the 3 C's)
You may find you want to step in and "help" him deal with the pain management, but that may not work for you since the pain medication, as you have said, is running both your lives. Maybetaking a step back and letting his friends in AA work with him on the problem would be an opportunity for you to work on you and get the focus back where it should be. That was one of the greatest thing I found when my older daughter was working her program...when the drama of early recovery hit and she was still trying to figure out how to deal with it, I could stop stressing so much and know she had a sponsor and lots of friends in the program who would help her work through it. I could choose not to get sucked in.
Have you thought about attending an Alanon or Naranon meeting? They are for friends and family of addicts and the face to face support is terrific.
Keep reading. You will see some things you just can't accept and some things that ring true to you. I found myself at first thnking, no my daughter isn't like that...she would never...But addiction is progressive and without recovery, eventually it spirals out of control. As I learned more about addiction and as I started working on my own recovery, things that seemed ridiculous the first time I heard them often started to make much more sense to me. Of course everyone has their own feelings and opinions too so I take those things I find helpful and let go of those that aren't. There are tons of wonderful, caring people here so stick around!
You may find you want to step in and "help" him deal with the pain management, but that may not work for you since the pain medication, as you have said, is running both your lives. Maybetaking a step back and letting his friends in AA work with him on the problem would be an opportunity for you to work on you and get the focus back where it should be. That was one of the greatest thing I found when my older daughter was working her program...when the drama of early recovery hit and she was still trying to figure out how to deal with it, I could stop stressing so much and know she had a sponsor and lots of friends in the program who would help her work through it. I could choose not to get sucked in.
Have you thought about attending an Alanon or Naranon meeting? They are for friends and family of addicts and the face to face support is terrific.
Keep reading. You will see some things you just can't accept and some things that ring true to you. I found myself at first thnking, no my daughter isn't like that...she would never...But addiction is progressive and without recovery, eventually it spirals out of control. As I learned more about addiction and as I started working on my own recovery, things that seemed ridiculous the first time I heard them often started to make much more sense to me. Of course everyone has their own feelings and opinions too so I take those things I find helpful and let go of those that aren't. There are tons of wonderful, caring people here so stick around!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome, i am glad you found us. i am not familiar with the patch so i can not advise you on that. i just want to let you know u have came to the right place for you to learn recovery for yourself. read around & keep coming back. hugs & prayers,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
