Some good advice from an advice column
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Location: Arlington, VA
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Some good advice from an advice column
When I read this in the paper this morning, it made me think of so many of us in here. I hope some of you find it helpful too.
Carolyn:
I'm finally severing a very painful and emotionally abusive relationship. We were engaged for a time and living together.
I'm feeling really good today. And I will probably still feel good after all my friends and family help me move this weekend.
I'm just wondering what happens next and how I deal with the crushing emotions that (I assume) will come.
Va.
Start by not being afraid of them. Think of your pain in terms of life and death -- specifically, the acts of giving birth and witnessing death. These are things human beings have had to deal with since the beginning of human beings. They present, arguably, the height of physical and emotional pain. And yet we carry on. Why? We're wired to.
That wiring does include a breaker -- numbness or shock when it's just too much. So think of it this way: Feeling these "crushing emotions" means the breaker hasn't tripped, and your brain thinks it can handle them.
So let yourself handle them. Cry, clear your schedule, call a friend, go fetal in a corner, hang on until the wave passes. Because that's how emotions come, in waves, and that's what waves do. They pass.
All of this is assuming the wave even comes. It might not, or it might not be as big as you were expecting.
Regardless, I hope that, once you're through with the logistics of your move, you consider talking to a reputable therapist to get perspective on why you got deep into such a damaging relationship. That's the stuff that can rattle you -- the reckoning of who you became with the person you always thought yourself to be.
From: Wahsington Post
Carolyn:
I'm finally severing a very painful and emotionally abusive relationship. We were engaged for a time and living together.
I'm feeling really good today. And I will probably still feel good after all my friends and family help me move this weekend.
I'm just wondering what happens next and how I deal with the crushing emotions that (I assume) will come.
Va.
Start by not being afraid of them. Think of your pain in terms of life and death -- specifically, the acts of giving birth and witnessing death. These are things human beings have had to deal with since the beginning of human beings. They present, arguably, the height of physical and emotional pain. And yet we carry on. Why? We're wired to.
That wiring does include a breaker -- numbness or shock when it's just too much. So think of it this way: Feeling these "crushing emotions" means the breaker hasn't tripped, and your brain thinks it can handle them.
So let yourself handle them. Cry, clear your schedule, call a friend, go fetal in a corner, hang on until the wave passes. Because that's how emotions come, in waves, and that's what waves do. They pass.
All of this is assuming the wave even comes. It might not, or it might not be as big as you were expecting.
Regardless, I hope that, once you're through with the logistics of your move, you consider talking to a reputable therapist to get perspective on why you got deep into such a damaging relationship. That's the stuff that can rattle you -- the reckoning of who you became with the person you always thought yourself to be.
From: Wahsington Post
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