Should I get rid of the alcohol in my home?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
Should I get rid of the alcohol in my home?
So far, one and half month of sobriety, and it has been relatively easy for me (after the first two weeks that is). As I indicated in a previous post, I can now go out socially with alcohol all around me, but not feel even the urge to drink.
I've never really drank at home. Maybe a beer - if that - with dinner. Sometimes a lot more if I was cooking and using red wine in a recipe like coq au vin but never the amounts I would drink outside the home when on one of my one-night benders. My wife sometimes has one beer or a glass of wine with dinner maybe every other week. We have a few bottles of white wine in the fridge, a small wine cooler for the reds and sometimes beer.
When I started on my sobriety, my wife first questioned whether I needed to quit drinking completely. She indicated since I never had a problem over-drinking at home, she suggested maybe I wanted to still have a glass of red with dinner once in a while. I told her "no thanks" - at that time, I was concerned that maybe I'd compensate for my abstinence by getting loaded at home. Also, I wanted to give AA a full-hearted effort and that meant quitting all drinking. She then offered to clear the house of alcohol as she did not drink that much herself anyways, but I told her it wasn't necessary.
Since then I've never given it a second thought. My sponsor however does not think it is ideal.
Should I take up my wife's old offer to turn our home into a "dry zone"? I'd be interested in hearing from those with more experience at being sober than me.
I've never really drank at home. Maybe a beer - if that - with dinner. Sometimes a lot more if I was cooking and using red wine in a recipe like coq au vin but never the amounts I would drink outside the home when on one of my one-night benders. My wife sometimes has one beer or a glass of wine with dinner maybe every other week. We have a few bottles of white wine in the fridge, a small wine cooler for the reds and sometimes beer.
When I started on my sobriety, my wife first questioned whether I needed to quit drinking completely. She indicated since I never had a problem over-drinking at home, she suggested maybe I wanted to still have a glass of red with dinner once in a while. I told her "no thanks" - at that time, I was concerned that maybe I'd compensate for my abstinence by getting loaded at home. Also, I wanted to give AA a full-hearted effort and that meant quitting all drinking. She then offered to clear the house of alcohol as she did not drink that much herself anyways, but I told her it wasn't necessary.
Since then I've never given it a second thought. My sponsor however does not think it is ideal.
Should I take up my wife's old offer to turn our home into a "dry zone"? I'd be interested in hearing from those with more experience at being sober than me.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Dump it. Otherwise you can convince yourself that it's no big deal but you are just setting yourself up. Dump it. There is no risk in getting rid of it. And there is substantial risk in keeping it around.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 69
Absolutely get rid of it.
All you need is that one trigger to make you want to use it and it's right there. The trigger could be ANYTHING. It doesnt have to be a bad day or anything like that...you could be having a great day like I was when I fell into it again.
I drank for 13 years before I first stopped. Seven years later on a beautiful day, my trigger hit. I was feeling pretty confident and pondered something really STUPID...I WONDERED IF I COULD HANDLE A COUPLE OF BEERS HERE AND THERE. I found the answer to that...I found out just how much it could still handle me!
Beginning with that first day back drinking, a day didnt pass without me drinking a little bit every day until it consumed me again. I drank for 2 more years before I was able to stop again.
Now, I will never have to wonder about that subject anymore.
All you need is that one trigger to make you want to use it and it's right there. The trigger could be ANYTHING. It doesnt have to be a bad day or anything like that...you could be having a great day like I was when I fell into it again.
I drank for 13 years before I first stopped. Seven years later on a beautiful day, my trigger hit. I was feeling pretty confident and pondered something really STUPID...I WONDERED IF I COULD HANDLE A COUPLE OF BEERS HERE AND THERE. I found the answer to that...I found out just how much it could still handle me!
Beginning with that first day back drinking, a day didnt pass without me drinking a little bit every day until it consumed me again. I drank for 2 more years before I was able to stop again.
Now, I will never have to wonder about that subject anymore.
Last edited by klopper22; 03-20-2009 at 11:02 PM.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Heroin or coke addicts don't keep social smack or blow on hand, so I'm always a little puzzled why so many alcoholics think it's ok to keep booze around.
I know - alcohol is socially sanctioned...but it's not a long bow to draw - for the alcoholic, alcohol is just as harmful and often just as deadly. Certainly as much of a temptation in those aargh moments...
Others will disagree with me and say we have to learn to live with alcohol - it's everywhere, we shouldn't fear it. I agree.
But I respect the fact it held me in sway for 15 years....and I never forget I'm an alcoholic.
Alcohol has no place in my life - why should I allow it a place in my home?
If yr wife supports this? why not?
D
I know - alcohol is socially sanctioned...but it's not a long bow to draw - for the alcoholic, alcohol is just as harmful and often just as deadly. Certainly as much of a temptation in those aargh moments...
Others will disagree with me and say we have to learn to live with alcohol - it's everywhere, we shouldn't fear it. I agree.
But I respect the fact it held me in sway for 15 years....and I never forget I'm an alcoholic.
Alcohol has no place in my life - why should I allow it a place in my home?
If yr wife supports this? why not?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Heroin or coke addicts don't keep social smack or blow on hand, so I'm always a little puzzled why so many alcoholics think it's ok to keep booze around. D
Just a couple more thoughts from someone who had alcohol around well into recovery...some of the longest falls have started with the slightest of slips.
Likewise, every journey whether good or bad starts with the first step. I seriously think the best step you could take in order to be sure you continue on a journey of sobriety would be to grab all the booze and step to wherever and get it the hell out there.
Good luck!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
I'm going to talk to my wife about her initial offer.
Although the heroin/coke analogy was useful (and very funny), I am not sure it makes 100% sense for me. Although I know some alcoholics need to clear out all alcohol-based products from their homes, we still have and use things such as Listerine mouthwash, kitchen disinfectants containing fruit alcohol and flavorings such as rum & vanilla extracts. Wine in the fridge and a stocked bar however might not be as understandable.
My weak point has always been when I am drinking outside - every one of out five times will end up as an unintended one-nighter. For that reason, attending receptions in bars and other drinking establishments was at first VERY unnerving for me. However, now I am fine with it. It still means I exercise a bit of caution. I just got an email from an old friend who wanted to catch up at a hotel bar before a get-together - I suggested we meet in the hotel coffee shop instead as I've quit drinking. One less possible temptation diverted.
Although the heroin/coke analogy was useful (and very funny), I am not sure it makes 100% sense for me. Although I know some alcoholics need to clear out all alcohol-based products from their homes, we still have and use things such as Listerine mouthwash, kitchen disinfectants containing fruit alcohol and flavorings such as rum & vanilla extracts. Wine in the fridge and a stocked bar however might not be as understandable.
My weak point has always been when I am drinking outside - every one of out five times will end up as an unintended one-nighter. For that reason, attending receptions in bars and other drinking establishments was at first VERY unnerving for me. However, now I am fine with it. It still means I exercise a bit of caution. I just got an email from an old friend who wanted to catch up at a hotel bar before a get-together - I suggested we meet in the hotel coffee shop instead as I've quit drinking. One less possible temptation diverted.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
From my experience even when i was drinking everyday at the end i never kept booze in the house, i would throw everything out in the morning regardless of how much i had from the day before, this was the only level of control i could exert to trys and ensure i didn't find myself sitting there with a beer at 10am ever!
I would not even consider having booze now in the house if i was working on becoming sober, not a drop, it makes no sense?!
I would not even consider having booze now in the house if i was working on becoming sober, not a drop, it makes no sense?!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Glasgow Scotland UK
Posts: 46
Hi north !
I identify with klopper22 posts . Read them very carefully . And read them again . And you know what ? Dump wines , beers and even a 100 year bottle of Scotch .
Do it right now mate . Trust me . Dump all the specific glasses either .
Sorry for being so firm but I have to .
Let us know what you did ,
And after all have a nice day , witt
I identify with klopper22 posts . Read them very carefully . And read them again . And you know what ? Dump wines , beers and even a 100 year bottle of Scotch .
Do it right now mate . Trust me . Dump all the specific glasses either .
Sorry for being so firm but I have to .
Let us know what you did ,
And after all have a nice day , witt
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 69
Hi Again People,
For me and people affected the same way by alcohol, there is no middle ground - you are either here or you are there. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to grasp that but it took years of hangovers, tears, shame, depression, etc. You have GOT to take a firm stance with yourself.
Here's one quick example of a time I distinctly recall feeling so low that I'd have to look up to see Hell. It is maybe a time that wouldnt have happened if I had wised up earlier.
I was drinking from around noon the day before Easter to around 4 or 5am Easter morning. I started with beer and ended my beating with everclear mixed drinks. I woke up at approximately 8am (3 hours after passing out) to the usual sounds of my 3 year old son in his baby bed - laughing, playing, etc. I had that same God aweful sick feeling like I did every weekend. My wife had been gone to work for about an hour at that time. I dozed back off.
I would wake up every so often with the same excruciating headache and feeling like my insides had been reamed out by the booze. All I could think of is, "it is Easter morning...most kids are getting up and getting into their Easter baskets right now and my son is sitting in the same spot he has been for hours being neglected." He deserved better. I was failing at being the kind of father I wanted to be for my son...the kind father that my father never was.
That is just one extremely painful memory I have of those years. There are very many more.
DON'T GIVE ALCOHOL A CHANCE TO STEAL YOUR HAPPY MEMORIES YOU WILL OTHERWISE HAVE YEARS FROM NOW. IF YOU MESS AROUND WITH IT, YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU DID.
For me and people affected the same way by alcohol, there is no middle ground - you are either here or you are there. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to grasp that but it took years of hangovers, tears, shame, depression, etc. You have GOT to take a firm stance with yourself.
Here's one quick example of a time I distinctly recall feeling so low that I'd have to look up to see Hell. It is maybe a time that wouldnt have happened if I had wised up earlier.
I was drinking from around noon the day before Easter to around 4 or 5am Easter morning. I started with beer and ended my beating with everclear mixed drinks. I woke up at approximately 8am (3 hours after passing out) to the usual sounds of my 3 year old son in his baby bed - laughing, playing, etc. I had that same God aweful sick feeling like I did every weekend. My wife had been gone to work for about an hour at that time. I dozed back off.
I would wake up every so often with the same excruciating headache and feeling like my insides had been reamed out by the booze. All I could think of is, "it is Easter morning...most kids are getting up and getting into their Easter baskets right now and my son is sitting in the same spot he has been for hours being neglected." He deserved better. I was failing at being the kind of father I wanted to be for my son...the kind father that my father never was.
That is just one extremely painful memory I have of those years. There are very many more.
DON'T GIVE ALCOHOL A CHANCE TO STEAL YOUR HAPPY MEMORIES YOU WILL OTHERWISE HAVE YEARS FROM NOW. IF YOU MESS AROUND WITH IT, YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU DID.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Attica, MI
Posts: 465
I suppose this may be different for everyone. I know that if there is alcohol in my home...I will drink it until it's gone.
I CANNOT have it in my house. I never drank mouthwash or vanilla extract as I have heard some have, so that does not tempt me. But a bottle of cheap vodka? Look out, first sip...then guzzle til empty.
Out with the booze that was your demon I say.
I CANNOT have it in my house. I never drank mouthwash or vanilla extract as I have heard some have, so that does not tempt me. But a bottle of cheap vodka? Look out, first sip...then guzzle til empty.
Out with the booze that was your demon I say.
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
Sometimes a lot more if I was cooking and using red wine in a recipe like coq au vin
In early recovery its not a good idea to have drink in the home if at all possible. My sponser told me when I was a couple of weeks/months sober....If you keep alcohol in the house and you get a compulsion to drink you will lift that bottle....but if you have to go out , get in the car, travel to a pub, you might even have time to THINK and make a call to me before you buy it. We are very impulsive by nature....act now think later. Its all about changing that, to think first act later...
Later on in years in my soberity and when I have guests or my son has a friend over, I was not uncomfrotable with them having wine or beer on the occasion...I am not anti drink...I am just anti drink in me . Its just about how spiritually fit I am to be around it. I am not against anyone else having a beer in my home today but I dont store or keep drink here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Although the heroin/coke analogy was useful (and very funny), I am not sure it makes 100% sense for me. Although I know some alcoholics need to clear out all alcohol-based products from their homes, we still have and use things such as Listerine mouthwash, kitchen disinfectants containing fruit alcohol and flavorings such as rum & vanilla extracts. Wine in the fridge and a stocked bar however might not be as understandable.
If I've decided alcohol should play no part in my life, I can't see why it would play a part in my household. Personally, I want to know my house is always a safe zone.
It's not about being scared - cleaning products, deodorants, flavour essences and the like have never bothered me, even when my addiction was at its worst - it is about being careful tho - especially in early recovery.
As Nelco says, later in sobriety I think the issue finds its own lesser level of importance.
Ultimately, there's all kinds of positions - and some good advice here - it's up to you to find the one you and your wife feel most comfortable with.
D
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I think you are playing with fire here by keeping alcohol in your home. I don't understand why, if you are trying to stay clean and sober, your wife sounds like she is willing to forego her occasional drink, that you would take the risk of keeping it there.
Sure, we cannot remove every drop of alcohol from our life, your cleaning products for example. We cannot demand that every restaurant we go to stop carrying alcohol or boycott Wedding Receptions where there is an open bar. But in early Recovery, we can choose not to go to these places, just like we can choose to not have alcohol in our homes.
In time, if you keep the alcohol in your home, it's a very, very strong likelyhood that you will end up drinking at home. And as with most of us, one simply is not enough. Soon, we are drunk and the guilt and shame sets in. So how do we deal with the guilt and shame of drinking? We drink. It's a deadly Merry Go Round ride that once I got off of it, I do everything I can to avoid ever getting on again.
Is it possible that you are keeping it there because you don't feel deep down that you are finished yet? I am an alcoholic, but my DOC was opiates. I had many times that I attempted to get clean and stay clean. But I still kept my list of doctors who I knew would prescribe me what I wanted. I hung on to phone numbers of people who I could get pills from, I didn't do everything I could to put an end to the connections that I had. Why? Deep down, I kept these lines open because I wasn't done, I hadn't hit my bottom and I had to hurt some more before going to any length in order to stay clean and sober. I am not saying this is definately the case with you, just wondering. Think about it.
Let us know what you decide to do and keep posting!
Judy
Sure, we cannot remove every drop of alcohol from our life, your cleaning products for example. We cannot demand that every restaurant we go to stop carrying alcohol or boycott Wedding Receptions where there is an open bar. But in early Recovery, we can choose not to go to these places, just like we can choose to not have alcohol in our homes.
In time, if you keep the alcohol in your home, it's a very, very strong likelyhood that you will end up drinking at home. And as with most of us, one simply is not enough. Soon, we are drunk and the guilt and shame sets in. So how do we deal with the guilt and shame of drinking? We drink. It's a deadly Merry Go Round ride that once I got off of it, I do everything I can to avoid ever getting on again.
Is it possible that you are keeping it there because you don't feel deep down that you are finished yet? I am an alcoholic, but my DOC was opiates. I had many times that I attempted to get clean and stay clean. But I still kept my list of doctors who I knew would prescribe me what I wanted. I hung on to phone numbers of people who I could get pills from, I didn't do everything I could to put an end to the connections that I had. Why? Deep down, I kept these lines open because I wasn't done, I hadn't hit my bottom and I had to hurt some more before going to any length in order to stay clean and sober. I am not saying this is definately the case with you, just wondering. Think about it.
Let us know what you decide to do and keep posting!
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
Hmmmmm I don't think my discussion with the family went over like I hoped it would. We were digging into a homemade pizza and my wife asked if I wasn't sure I wouldn't like a glass of my (once) favorite red wine to go with it. I tried to explain to her that it was not a good idea and outlined the concern I could start over-drinking at home. She wasn't convinced and thinks I ought to re-consider and I shouldn't mind having a drink or two at home. Even my son - who remembers the still standing "bet" I made with him before I joined AA of a $50 per drink penalty should I relapse (never have) - offered to waive the 'fine' (I probably need to re-negotiate that agreement into something more positive - somewhat unnerving that my own son is betting against my sobriety...). She is convinced that my drinking problem is/was just a matter of applying self-will. She cited my friend who only allows himself two drinks when he is out - no more... and so why couldn't I simply follow his example? (Yep. I tried that and did wonderfully ... until the 2nd drink!).
Obviously proposing we ditch all the remaining alcohol and glassware out of the home wasn't in the conversation cards tonight (it's about 21:00 where I am). However, I am pretty happy to report - actually very happy -, just as I feel when offered a drink outside the home, I didn't suffer from any pangs of temptation or doubt. That's what my 46 days of sobriety has given me - an effortless ability to say ' no thank you' and mean it.
Obviously proposing we ditch all the remaining alcohol and glassware out of the home wasn't in the conversation cards tonight (it's about 21:00 where I am). However, I am pretty happy to report - actually very happy -, just as I feel when offered a drink outside the home, I didn't suffer from any pangs of temptation or doubt. That's what my 46 days of sobriety has given me - an effortless ability to say ' no thank you' and mean it.
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