kendalmarketing

My best friend , I love her. She is married to a man, who is an alcoholic cocaine user, and she recently fund crack in his truck. She is positive he cheats on her too.. He makes her feel like she is paridoid and bi polar and a bitch, for accusing him. But I as a third person see she is not crazy. He recently beat her up for the first time. She came to my home for a couple days, but her 2 year old cried for her dad, she felt bad, and went back. now she is thinking of moving away with him 3000 miles. Because when they went away for a week they were never happier. What do I do what do I say to her. Please please help me. Me and my other best friend are meeting her on Saturday, to surprise her, with ... this conversation.

GiveLove

kendal, I wish there were some magic words we could give you that would change her decisions.

Fact is, she will not end this relationship until she's good and ready. If she would go back to a man who beats her, cheats on her, and is an active alcoholic and addict, she has problems far worse than any casual talk is going to fix. She needs things like Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meetings (for friends and family), personal counseling, etc.

I know you want to help, and talking to her probably can't HURT, but until she's ready to change....she will probably keep doing this to herself. You may want to point her to SoberRecovery (here). As you can see, there's a lot of good support here, and sometimes people can learn of a different way to live just by reading the stories and the "Sticky" posts at the top of the forum.

You may also consider writing down resources for battered women and children locally (phone numbers, places to go) and offering her a safe haven if she finds herself in a dangerous situation. Hopefully, something will sink in, but don't be surprised if it takes a while to do so, especially if SHE comes from that kind of background. She will have learned that it all feels normal to her (I know I did)

Is she thinking about moving 3000 miles with her son, or with her son and with "him" ?

LaTeeDa

There is a sticky about this. However, I agree with GL that she will do what she will do, sad as that is.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ationship.html

L

LaTeeDa

Actually, this is the one I was meaning to link to:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html

L

Angelic17

Hey Kendal, It seems to me you have a great loving and caring heart for your friend. However, there isn't much you can do. You can try to tell your friend to get away from this guy who uses drugs, beats her up, cheats on her, and calls her names. But she will have to find out for herself. The fact that she has a 2 year old with him makes it all the harder for her to leave. She doesn't want her child to grow up without her daddy. You and I both know that it's worse for her child to see a crack head mommy beating daddy, but your friend is not going to listen to you. Maybe the next time he beats her up in front of her baby, or doesn't come home cause he is cheating and on a crack binge, you can refer her to a good marriage counselor, or better yet, maybe she can guide him into recovery with an ultimatum. Good Luck, How sad, for her and her baby. I never understood how these women just can't see the truth. I guess she will find out the hard way. All you can do is stand by her, when she is in need of a safe haven to run to. God Bless.