Hi Everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1
Hi Everyone
I am new to the site and figured I would post an abridged version of my story not only for my own benefit, but also for anyone who cares to read these sorts of things. I am 24 years old (will be 25 in about a week and a half), hold a degree from a prestigious university and I am in my second year of law school. I am also an alcoholic, and have come close to losing everything I have worked so hard for. When I entered college 7 years ago, I was 6'1 and a solid 225 pounds--I was built like a boxer. Healthy, happy. Now I'm 325 pounds, I'm on Lexapro for depression and anxiety and Ambien for insomnia on the nights when I did not drink.
I was in denial until about a week ago. I did not drink everyday, or most days for that matter. But on the days that I did drink I left a wake of wreckage in my path. Over the past few years I would have bouts where my shame on the mornings after would cause me to curb my drinking for a short period of time. Any alcoholic will tell you that "I just won't drink liquor anymore" turns into "I just won't take shots" turns into blackout drunk in the blink of an eye. My descent was gradual, not becoming a major problem until about 5 years ago, though I have been drinking for more like 10 years. 6 days ago, when I found out I am failing out of law school because my hangovers have led me to miss so many classes, I drank until I was belligerent and wanted to kill myself. My wife heard me crying and came downstairs at 3 in the morning and stayed with me until the doctor's office opened. We went and I was forthcoming, and I told her I needed help.
The funny thing is, I still didn't admit I was an alcoholic. Two days later I was sad that I couldn't drink for St. Patrick's day and I said to myself "I'll just drink until then and I'll quit for good." That's when it hit me right in the chest. I have a serious problem with alcohol, and the denial was seeping out of my pores. It was clear then that alcohol had become such a central point of my life that to live without that crutch was terrifying. I decided that for my sake, my wife's sake and my career's sake, I can never drink again. Not even a toast. I am not so naive that I think I will never be tempted again, but for now I am already feeling much better. The sun seems a little brighter. I am hoping to be off my medications eventually and to get myself back into shape and back into class. Thanks for reading. Here's to a life without booze.
I was in denial until about a week ago. I did not drink everyday, or most days for that matter. But on the days that I did drink I left a wake of wreckage in my path. Over the past few years I would have bouts where my shame on the mornings after would cause me to curb my drinking for a short period of time. Any alcoholic will tell you that "I just won't drink liquor anymore" turns into "I just won't take shots" turns into blackout drunk in the blink of an eye. My descent was gradual, not becoming a major problem until about 5 years ago, though I have been drinking for more like 10 years. 6 days ago, when I found out I am failing out of law school because my hangovers have led me to miss so many classes, I drank until I was belligerent and wanted to kill myself. My wife heard me crying and came downstairs at 3 in the morning and stayed with me until the doctor's office opened. We went and I was forthcoming, and I told her I needed help.
The funny thing is, I still didn't admit I was an alcoholic. Two days later I was sad that I couldn't drink for St. Patrick's day and I said to myself "I'll just drink until then and I'll quit for good." That's when it hit me right in the chest. I have a serious problem with alcohol, and the denial was seeping out of my pores. It was clear then that alcohol had become such a central point of my life that to live without that crutch was terrifying. I decided that for my sake, my wife's sake and my career's sake, I can never drink again. Not even a toast. I am not so naive that I think I will never be tempted again, but for now I am already feeling much better. The sun seems a little brighter. I am hoping to be off my medications eventually and to get myself back into shape and back into class. Thanks for reading. Here's to a life without booze.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Hi Sagito - you are already armed with alot of valuable knowledge about drinking and about yourself. Some take many more years to face what you're facing now. It is so very hard to learn to live without it, but I'm living proof it can be done. I was a heavy drinker for over 25 yrs. & only got serious about quitting when I felt myself face to face with death. As you said, it isn't how often you drink, but what it does to you when you do drink. For me, my once in a while cocktail turned into swigging any alcohol I could get my hands on all day long. No amount could numb me in the end. (The happy & relaxed feelings had long since gone away.) Congratulations on your decision, I hope you'll find plenty of help here. Having company in recovery has made all the difference to me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community...
Please read tese excerpts from the book that covinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
You are not weak or hexed or doomed to drink...
Blessings to you and your wife
Please read tese excerpts from the book that covinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
You are not weak or hexed or doomed to drink...
Blessings to you and your wife
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Sagito,
It's good to have you here. Carol put a link up to excerpts from a book, I strongly suggest you get that book as well as Beyond the Influence by Ketcham and ?, I can't remember the other author..google it. Anyway, that'll educate you about a lot of physiological stuff that makes one want to keep drinking. However, on the other hand finding out the true reasons may lead you to exploring things that deal with emotions, psyche, spirit and things from your past relationships. Wherever your journey leads, I hope it's to a better place than where you are now.
Ken
It's good to have you here. Carol put a link up to excerpts from a book, I strongly suggest you get that book as well as Beyond the Influence by Ketcham and ?, I can't remember the other author..google it. Anyway, that'll educate you about a lot of physiological stuff that makes one want to keep drinking. However, on the other hand finding out the true reasons may lead you to exploring things that deal with emotions, psyche, spirit and things from your past relationships. Wherever your journey leads, I hope it's to a better place than where you are now.
Ken
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Attica, MI
Posts: 465
Welcome sagito, SR is a great help to me and I'm sure if you stick with us here...you will feel the same way. You've realized your addiction at a good time in life, you have so much in front of you. Stay with it man, you have support here.
God bless ya my friend.
God bless ya my friend.
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