FlwrofFrgttng

lol. well ah is gone for good this time. he cheated on me with a coworker. he thought i was stupid and couldn't see the things that were in front of my face once i opened my eyes. of course he denied it, the man's motto seems to be deny until you die. he thought that i was kidding and told me that i was imagining things and that he'd be home later and i told him that he could pick up any clothes that i hadn't bought him after work. i set his things outside in garbage bags and he had the unmitigated gall to bring her to my house to pick up his things. now he'd been telling me with his actions for years that he had no respect for me, and bringing his side piece to my house proved it beyond all doubt. i wish i had handled that better than i did, but it doesn't matter anymore. he's out of my life. it's just a sad situation all around tho, that he has never seen, doesn't see and will probably never see how truly sick he is and how the things he has done affect and will continue to affect those around him. mainly his children. but that's alright. i just thank God that i finally found the point where enough was enough. it hurts. it's a process because i feel like a piece of me has died, but if i made it through the deaths of both of my parents, i can make it through the death of my marriage. especially since i've been mourning it for years now. i've already gone to court and filed for spousal and cs and i have 7 interviews lined up for next week. i've also called around to some people that owe me money and told them that i'm in dire straights and need it back. hopefully they don't stiff me. my hearing is in a month and i've contacted a lawyer to see what my options are as far as divorce is concerned... i'm still angry, but it's mostly just sad angry right now. that's a step up in the healing process i think. it's scary and it's sad and it's unfair, but it's life for now. i can't wait for it to be beautiful again. i'm taking everything one moment at a time because i can't think farther than that without losing it and my children need to see me strong. they didn't see any of the drama thank the lord, even though he brought it to my door... ugh, guess i'm just updating and sorting thoughts...

suki44883

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this; however, it sounds like you are handling it well. Good job on immediately taking care of the legal stuff, and Good Luck! on landing a good job. You sound like a strong woman.

Freedom1990

:ghug :ghug

kj3880

You're doing great. I'm proud of you. Hang in there, certainly it gets better. If it makes you feel any better, he probably brought that girl over your house just to show you what a "prize" he is. Yeah, right. You're well out of it. Actually, she is the unfortunate one. She'll be the one dealing with him, alcoholic in active addiction and on the rebound from his marriage. Sound like fun? It won't be. But enough about them. Focus back on you!

Your life will improve every day without this A. dragging you down. A year from now, you won't know yourself!.
Love,
KJ

MissFixit

He is a sicko to rub her in your face. To me that is a sign that he is using her to get back at you. Sick.

ItsmeAlice

I'm proud of you for standing tall and putting his things out like that. You could have easily let him come back in the house where he certainly does not belong.

You're right. He doesn't see it and won't see it until the realization comes to him organically. It's not a case of pulling back the curtain and letting him see the distruction he has caused. He has to wake up in the middle of it one day.

Who has time to wait for that?

You're also right about being strong. You've been strong, and you will continue to be that way. It's who you are.

Alice

Barbara52

Good for you for being strong and taking the action you needed to take. You will get through this process and end up in a better place in the end.

Pelican

i'm taking everything one moment at a time because i can't think farther than that without losing it and my children need to see me strong.

You're doing the right thing. Hugs to you!

I'm going through separation and divorce from my active alcoholic. Denial Zone! He thought it was just a phase I was going through and things would get back to "normal" when I called him to come back home.

It is hard, but you can do this for yourself and your children's future. We will be here to support you through this.

My friend reminded me not to hide my feelings and emotions from my children. Let them know I am angry, teach them to punch the pillows and scream if they get angry too. She reminded me to let them hear me crying, bawling in my room. It teaches them that even adults have sadness and need to cry. It is not healthy to hide the emotions. No more eggshells and fake it till you make it in my house. Real emotions in real time.

Feel your emotions all the way through. Get them out. Work through it. I know you will come out stronger and healthier!

FlwrofFrgttng

thanks, guys. just checking in before i take a shower and go to bed. i appreciate you all hearing me.

GiveLove

We're doing more than hearing, flwr :ghug
If you need us we'll be here.

Cynay

You know ... this is going to sound so wrong... but just maybe today should be a day of celebration!!!

I for one do not like to see marriages to end, I hate to see the pain a person has to get to before they are unwilling to live in that pain for even one more day. Taking the stand that you are and being willing to go through the pain to get to the other side is such a HUGE step.(we have to reach our bottom too).. it takes so much courage and strength.... not to mention you have not only done that, but also the next steps as well. Your in pain but are still managing to look for work, get your legal affairs in order and stand strong for your children.

Now that is beautiful, amazing and Im so proud of you. I also want to mention what your doing is teaching your children one of the most valuable lessons they will ever learn. You deserve better then that and your worth it.

Take heart that even though you may feel a part of yourself is dying.... the part that would allow him to treat you that way should die, it might hurt today but I promise... keep the focus on yourself, get recovery and the life that you will build from here will be so much more then you could have dreamed when you were living in that situation.

Jadmack25

Dear girl, how I feel for you and your children at this moment. I can recall the shock I had when I came face to face with abf and his very ugly "bit", after his denials of cheating and swearing "he loved only me". Yeah right!!

You are stronger than I was, and I pray you can let him go on his not so merry way, while you make a good life for yourself and your family.

God bless you all

klopper22

What does "AH" mean? Seen it several times. At first I thought it stood for
_ss _ole.

Lilyflower

AH - alcoholic husband

abf - alcoholic boyfriend

you may also see agf/AW which are the female conterparts.

Also stb -soon to be, and ex pretty self explanitory that one!

i think there was an abbreviations list, perhaps someone may know where that is?

Flwr - good for you hunny! I also second allowing your kids to see you process your grief, they need to learn how to handle their own by seeing you handle yours and know it is ok to be sad and that it gets better when processed.

Hugs to you, things will be brighter,

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

IO Storm

:ghug2: To you and your dear children. And prayers for strength for your days ahead!

It won't be easy..but you are doing the right thing....not allowing yourself to be

used and lied to anymore. I am very proud of the stand you have taken.

Sher

klopper22

I appreciate that! Have a good one.

sunflowerintx

(((( big hugs ))))

I am so sorry. I haven't grieved in the 6 weeks since stbx and I separated but I think I grieved foe the 20 years we were together and FINALLY understand that I am not the problem in this equation.

I have recently had some imaginary conversations with my stbx though. LOL!

I deserve better and so do you. Our children do as well.

Baby steps and be gentle with yourself.

Lilyflower

Speaking for myself, I wasn't so much as a problem in my relationship equation, but I certainly did have issues that contributed to problems!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx