it's been awhile
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: miamisburg ohio
Posts: 5
it's been awhile
Hi everyone it's been awhile since i have been here and only posted one message then. Needless to say i relapsed. This is so hard....i think it's the hardest thing i have every gone thru. I only made it about a month before i stared drinking again. And things have only gotten worse. I got another dui. Thats 3 in six years and 2 in 8 months. On the plus side i decided to try a program. Which is very hard for me. I want to get help and get better,,but the program is a group therapy program that meets 3 times a week for 3 hrs. My problem is that i am very shy and don't like to talk in groups. And my counsler put me on the spot my first time. Not only that i have to go do 20 days in jail on monday so it interferes with my program. Can anyone tell me what other kinds of programs there are. Give me some suggestions. Because i really want to beat this. And i found the program really interesting...the movies lectures and listening to other people stories. It's just the talking in front of people that gets me. I told my counsler this and he said thats why alot of people drink in the first place because we are shy and it opens us up. Well he's not telling me nothing i don't already know. But i can't go to the program drunk so i can talk. LOL That was a joke well not really but i think you know what i mean. So please any and all suggestion would be welcomed. I have also started journaling. Have not yet attended aa meetings but i plan on it when i get out of jail. I need some help bad this is really getting out of control. Not only do i have 20 days in jail but they seized my car..2 yrs probabtion and i'm doing things that i wouldn't normally do when i'm drunk that im not quiet ready to talk about. Thanks so much for letting me get this out and for any and all help.
Angie
:praying
Angie
:praying
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Well, Angie 
since you brought up AA....that it something I was going to suggest. You don't have to speak in a AA meeting--only if you want to. Plus they have both speaker meetings and discussion meetings. I can relate to what you mentioned--DUI...jail...relapse after brief periods of sobriety. I couldn't sober up on my own--I too needed help. This place has helped alot. I would also recommend you keep posting/sharing.....you don't have to go through this alone. We do recover. 
since you brought up AA....that it something I was going to suggest. You don't have to speak in a AA meeting--only if you want to. Plus they have both speaker meetings and discussion meetings. I can relate to what you mentioned--DUI...jail...relapse after brief periods of sobriety. I couldn't sober up on my own--I too needed help. This place has helped alot. I would also recommend you keep posting/sharing.....you don't have to go through this alone. We do recover. Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Wow.. I hope you find something, anything that works. Not only are you at risk, but getting DUIs, a lot of other people are too because of your drinking 
Just don't drink.. (yes, I know, easier said than done.. but it IS that simple sometimes). There seems to be lots of ways out there to quit, and stay quit.. I'm sure a few people will pop in here and tell you what's worked for them.
Just don't drink.. (yes, I know, easier said than done.. but it IS that simple sometimes). There seems to be lots of ways out there to quit, and stay quit.. I'm sure a few people will pop in here and tell you what's worked for them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
What about one-on-one counseling?
What about telling the group moderator that you are uncomfortable speaking in public and the group makes you nervous? The counselor might have some suggestions to make it easier for you to participate or can help ease you in and not put you on the spot.
I always had a bit of a shyness speaking in class at the beginning of the semester but it was the one thing I always plowed through. It really gets easier the more you do it, exponentially so. By week two if I forced myself to participate each class generally my nerves were gone. I am not saying your experience will be the same and if it is going to prohibit your recovery you should find a different model especially if your nerves prohibit you from really listening to the other participants.
But this is the thing, and you sort of brought it up, when you stop drinking, you start having to deal with a whole lot of sh*t that before you could plow through drunk or thinking that you could drink away later. You are going to have to learn to tolerate being in uncomfortable situations and your shyness. It is a process learning all of these skills. I am learning them slowly but surely and as I learn these skills I am become more self-assured and have more self-value and meaning in my life. It is worth it. You can't use booze to manage your life. You know it, I know it, I tried it, it didn't work (damn
). But discomfort passes. Shyness ain't all that bad. And there are happy, solid times ahead.
However, in the early stages I definitely think you should make it easy on yourself. See how much you can tolerate and if the group is too much, maybe listening is enough. Or one-on-one counseling? Or here. I mean I think the internet is probably a wonderful place for shyness. I wish you the best of luck.
What about telling the group moderator that you are uncomfortable speaking in public and the group makes you nervous? The counselor might have some suggestions to make it easier for you to participate or can help ease you in and not put you on the spot.
I always had a bit of a shyness speaking in class at the beginning of the semester but it was the one thing I always plowed through. It really gets easier the more you do it, exponentially so. By week two if I forced myself to participate each class generally my nerves were gone. I am not saying your experience will be the same and if it is going to prohibit your recovery you should find a different model especially if your nerves prohibit you from really listening to the other participants.
But this is the thing, and you sort of brought it up, when you stop drinking, you start having to deal with a whole lot of sh*t that before you could plow through drunk or thinking that you could drink away later. You are going to have to learn to tolerate being in uncomfortable situations and your shyness. It is a process learning all of these skills. I am learning them slowly but surely and as I learn these skills I am become more self-assured and have more self-value and meaning in my life. It is worth it. You can't use booze to manage your life. You know it, I know it, I tried it, it didn't work (damn
). But discomfort passes. Shyness ain't all that bad. And there are happy, solid times ahead. However, in the early stages I definitely think you should make it easy on yourself. See how much you can tolerate and if the group is too much, maybe listening is enough. Or one-on-one counseling? Or here. I mean I think the internet is probably a wonderful place for shyness. I wish you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Angie,
I am glad you posted because I know you need help like I did when my drinking took over my life. I tried every thing imaginable to get control of my drinking on my own and nothing worked. I had reservations about AA but I took their suggestion and got a Sponsor and worked the steps. I needed someone to be accountable to about my alcoholism and the process of calling my Sponsor daily while I was working the steps made all the difference in the world. An outpatient setting would have never worked for me as I never would have opened up and got honest with myself otherwise.
The support of the fellowship is incredible and anywhere you go you can find people willing to help. Large cities will have over 1000 meetings per week. This is why I chose AA. All you have to do is ask for help and they will provide it.
I am glad you posted because I know you need help like I did when my drinking took over my life. I tried every thing imaginable to get control of my drinking on my own and nothing worked. I had reservations about AA but I took their suggestion and got a Sponsor and worked the steps. I needed someone to be accountable to about my alcoholism and the process of calling my Sponsor daily while I was working the steps made all the difference in the world. An outpatient setting would have never worked for me as I never would have opened up and got honest with myself otherwise.
The support of the fellowship is incredible and anywhere you go you can find people willing to help. Large cities will have over 1000 meetings per week. This is why I chose AA. All you have to do is ask for help and they will provide it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Angie!
It sounds as if you are getting a lot out of the group. I had a thought??!! Perhaps you could READ your journal entries? Maybe by focusing on the paper, it would alleviate all the eye contact. I used to have to speak in public for my job and I DREADED it. Even with "practice", I still dreaded it. Funny thing is, after being in AA for awhile, I don't mind speaking in public anymore! HA!, if I'd only done AA while having that job, I would have saved myself a lot of angst!
It sounds as if you are getting a lot out of the group. I had a thought??!! Perhaps you could READ your journal entries? Maybe by focusing on the paper, it would alleviate all the eye contact. I used to have to speak in public for my job and I DREADED it. Even with "practice", I still dreaded it. Funny thing is, after being in AA for awhile, I don't mind speaking in public anymore! HA!, if I'd only done AA while having that job, I would have saved myself a lot of angst!
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
hi ang!
[COLOR="Purple"] i hated AA for such a long time, because they "made" me speak? it was a very small meetimg in Bliss, ID? i hated AA ever since, until a few years ago, i started going......and i learned from people! i took suggestions...they help!
i think the honest, want to be sober, people in AA are very real!
they can help you so much, if you let them
love in sobreity...............[/COLOR]
:ghug
i think the honest, want to be sober, people in AA are very real!
they can help you so much, if you let them
love in sobreity...............[/COLOR]
:ghug
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
angie
i used to go to everything drunk? it was the only thing i knew.....the drunk me? i was so fearful of everything and anything? but i knew with a couple of driinks, i could do what was expected of me? kinda?
i drank cause i was shy, had toxic shame, it is so hard to get over, hun, i know!
but it is not impossible! find a private couselor that you can talk to! go to AA, just listen! come and post here often! we here, might be the best couselor's just to vent and talk to. you can express your feelings openly and honestly!
we all love you here, keep posting keep having faith in yourself and your friends here!
i think i speak from everyone on this forum!
we all love you! tc
i drank cause i was shy, had toxic shame, it is so hard to get over, hun, i know!
but it is not impossible! find a private couselor that you can talk to! go to AA, just listen! come and post here often! we here, might be the best couselor's just to vent and talk to. you can express your feelings openly and honestly!
we all love you here, keep posting keep having faith in yourself and your friends here!
i think i speak from everyone on this forum!
we all love you! tc
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: miamisburg ohio
Posts: 5
thanks
I just wanted to say thank you all for your suggestions. When i get out out of jail i will be back here at least once a day i'm sure. I'm really gonna try and make this work this time.
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