beachlover2

Hi everyone....I've read a lot of your posts but it's my first time posting here. My AH has put my family in the rollercoaster ride for the last 3 years with opiate addiction. At first I was very naive as far as addiction goes and became very codependent as time went by became a big time enabler. I thought I was helping the situation trying to always step in and help my AH. The more I learned about the disease the more I came to realize it was time for me to get out of his way. 3 years later, 2 kids (a 2 year old and a 7 week old boys) I've now came to a point where I have to get out of the way and let him live his own life even if I think his choices aren't the best ones. Kept doing the something excepting different results. I had to change if he wasn't willing to change. So long story short 3 weeks ago I went to pick up me 2 year old at the babysitter left AH with my newborn (it takes me about 40 minutes round trip). When I pulled up to the driveway on my way back AH car wasn't there so I wonder where he could've had gone with the baby. He didn't. Came in the house to find my 2 week old baby boy alone in the house and a note on the table from AH that read "losing my mind call you soon". I almost lost it!! who leaves a 2 week old baby in the alone in a house??? Went on to look around the house and found out he had found $7,000 of my own money that I thought I had put in a very safe place. He basically left with his clothes of his back. I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks that's when I decided I had to do something different this time. Went to a lawyer and filed a publication divorce cause I didn't want to wait for him to show up on my doors steps after he ran out of money again. As the days went by things got easier and easier. Bed time still challenged with the 2 year old and the baby but I'm learning how to deal with it. (I don't have any family around and his parents are one hour away but they are very selfish people and I guess don't feel like they can help cause of their age 75 and 73)Anyways almost a month went by and I still hadn't heard from him till Yesterday as I'm leaving to go get my son from the babysitter went outside to find his car on the driveway. Found him in the backyard laying on the grass crying. He looked like hell... He went on to tell me how sorry he was and how he wanted his life back...to give him one more chance...bla....bla...bla...same old story...this time i knew I had to do something different... so I told him that he could not stay at the house that he had to find somewhere else to go but he could use my phone and my computer if he wanted to find a place for him to go to get help...He went outside and stated to play with our son...a half hour went by and he still hadn't made a phone call and it was getting late...So I told him if he didn't want to use the phone and the computer he was going to have to leave ...And he begged me again and again for another chance...As soon as he saw i wasn't backing down that this time I was keeping my boundaries he got on the phone and on the computer and in less than one hour he had found a 90 day rehab program for him to go to (2nd one in the last 2 years dozens of detoxes but first one he actually had to look for it all by himself)...they were going to make an exception and take him that night (it was almost 10 pm) without even checking the insurance first(we have really good coverage through my job)...where there's a will there's a way...So as of right now I'm still going through with the divorce and looking to get my own place for me and the boys. I truly pray that he can find recovery and the tools that he needs to at least become a father to our kids. I will not put up with active addiction never again and neither will I let my sons. I feel like a weight of my shoulder the moment I decided to let him live his own life...I know I have a long way to go with my own program but for once I feel like what I'm doing it's the best for ME...Thanks for sharing....

Aline

Latte

What a great story. My prayers are with you.

shockozulu

Good for you! I always love stories where people actually respect their own boundaries. I am really impressed with how you are working your program. Thanks for sharing.

Freedom1990

Welcome to SR, and God bless you for putting yourself and those precious children first! :ghug :ghug

liesagain

Welcome to SR

longview

Thank you for sharing your story. All the best to you and your family.

Serenity Bound

Welcome to SR! Thank you for sharing your story, all I kept saying (at the end of it) was good for you!!! I'm very impressed and proud of you for sticking to your boundaries and putting you & your boys first.

Hugs,
Chris

ItsmeAlice

Wow! You have put the focus on you and your children, you have stuck to your boundaries, and you have put the job of taming his addiciton where it belongs...on him.
For three very difficult tasks, you came through with flying colors. I'm proud and not afraid to admit a little envious of your strength.
There will be more challenges to come of course, but with this foundation to draw upon you can work you way through them.

You'll find added support here.

Welcome!

Alice

hope213

welcome to S.R. sounds as if you have made a wise decision. living with an addict is hard. you can not make them stay clean. he will blame you but do not take the blame.
you did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it, & you can not CURE it. those are the 3 c's. keep coming back & let us know how u r. hugs & prayers,

helpformyson

I will pass on to you some words of wisdom, given to me by Mooselips.....Let go or be dragged. Couldn't agree more.

katylyn77

Aline-I envy your strength and courage. It takes a while to realize you have to put yourself first, but when you do, the weight seems to be lifted off your shoulders a little bit more each day. I wish the best for you and your two little ones.

NeedingHelp7

Beachlover, Welcome to SR!!

Oh my gosh, I couldn't imagine coming home to my infant being left alone by his father, then stealing $7,000!!! If he ever gets visits, I would recommend them be supervised. It sounds like you have been through enough with him.

Stay strong, trusting HP will carry you and the children through.

NH7

rayofsunshine

Welcome to SR! I'm so proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. What an inspiration you are! It's not easy, but know you are doing what's best for YOU, your children, and your AH. Keep posting, there's lots of encouragement, support, and knowledge here as you walk along this path.