trying to "let Go" in all my relationships.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
trying to "let Go" in all my relationships.....
Things with my AH have pushed me to my limits I think.
Not necessarily in the sense that I'm ready yet to turn my back and walk away
but more in that its helping me see that I really am powerless over EVERYONE
and helping me see that I really am tired of pushing so hard to make people do what I "know" is best for them
(now mind you I still believe I know whats best
expecially for my kids)
yesterday......AH called from his recovery program and was telling me about this job here at home that he had a proposal out for and now the people called and wanted it done...........husband had it all figured out, how he could get his friend to do it for a set fee then I will still get the remainder of the profit................NO I said.
I dont want anything to do with any of it.........I dont want to keep your stuff afloat keep me out of it. give the job to the other guy completely.
Progress, before now I would begin the whole stress and worry trying to "get things done"
And my son who is suppose to graduate high school had a credit check yesterday and this kid is pushing his luck in every area...........miss any days of school and could lose credit, not pass even One of his classes and he wont graduate.......not pull out decent grades IN every class and his GPA will be to low to graduate
At first I went into panic mode thinking............I'll go see the guidance people I'll register him in an online class to give him a buffer.....just in case
but he started to argue and tell me hes fine he "has this"
so I stopped and realised He has to "have this" because its his to have........either he pulls it thru or he doesnt
his graduation is for HIM
then my daughter called from college later last night upset because she had 2 tests and a paper that had to be done by midnight...........and all I really said was wow thats rough, she went on complaining so I said well B you have 2 choices buckle down do it and learn from this not to put things off or dont do it and deal with the outcome ................
normally I would flip out telling her how much those classes cost and how shes risking ruining her future ........but she knows those things right?
I've done my job as mom the best that I can..............and its coming to me (slowly but still coming to me)
that all I can really do is love them and let them make their decisions and live their lives.
Wow sorry so long................but letting go of ANY area of my life is a real struggle for me............baby steps
Not necessarily in the sense that I'm ready yet to turn my back and walk away
but more in that its helping me see that I really am powerless over EVERYONE
and helping me see that I really am tired of pushing so hard to make people do what I "know" is best for them
(now mind you I still believe I know whats best
expecially for my kids)yesterday......AH called from his recovery program and was telling me about this job here at home that he had a proposal out for and now the people called and wanted it done...........husband had it all figured out, how he could get his friend to do it for a set fee then I will still get the remainder of the profit................NO I said.
I dont want anything to do with any of it.........I dont want to keep your stuff afloat keep me out of it. give the job to the other guy completely.
Progress, before now I would begin the whole stress and worry trying to "get things done"
And my son who is suppose to graduate high school had a credit check yesterday and this kid is pushing his luck in every area...........miss any days of school and could lose credit, not pass even One of his classes and he wont graduate.......not pull out decent grades IN every class and his GPA will be to low to graduate
At first I went into panic mode thinking............I'll go see the guidance people I'll register him in an online class to give him a buffer.....just in case
but he started to argue and tell me hes fine he "has this"
so I stopped and realised He has to "have this" because its his to have........either he pulls it thru or he doesnt
his graduation is for HIM
then my daughter called from college later last night upset because she had 2 tests and a paper that had to be done by midnight...........and all I really said was wow thats rough, she went on complaining so I said well B you have 2 choices buckle down do it and learn from this not to put things off or dont do it and deal with the outcome ................
normally I would flip out telling her how much those classes cost and how shes risking ruining her future ........but she knows those things right?
I've done my job as mom the best that I can..............and its coming to me (slowly but still coming to me)
that all I can really do is love them and let them make their decisions and live their lives.
Wow sorry so long................but letting go of ANY area of my life is a real struggle for me............baby steps
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lies)))
Sounds like YOU'VE hit bottom, and that's a good thing. I know, for me, when I finally started letting everyone else take care of THEIR stuff, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, I still loved them, wanted what was best for them, but I wasn't emotionally invested in the outcome. It was really hard, to stand back, at first, but the more I did it, the better I felt, and it got easier.
I still want to say "told ya so", but I've learned to bite my tongue
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sounds like YOU'VE hit bottom, and that's a good thing. I know, for me, when I finally started letting everyone else take care of THEIR stuff, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, I still loved them, wanted what was best for them, but I wasn't emotionally invested in the outcome. It was really hard, to stand back, at first, but the more I did it, the better I felt, and it got easier.
I still want to say "told ya so", but I've learned to bite my tongue
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
The hardest part is that I am emotionally invested in the outcomes.............I was a single mom for a really long time and getting my kids thru school and on their way to the lives I want for them and planned for them .............yeah well lets just say that for the last 20 years of my life thats all I worked for and towards~~~~my kids.
I really am not ready to watch them fail, in the back of my mind I'm still thinking its gonna be ok let them live their lives they are good kids they will do fine.............trying to avoid the fact that at times they may NOT do fine...........
but at this point giving them the chance is what I feel I need to do for them and for me...........so this is me trying my best
With my AH it did feel better and after the conversation I really did just feel relief no regret ..............hoping with time I will get that with the kids too.
thanks Impurrfect
I really am not ready to watch them fail, in the back of my mind I'm still thinking its gonna be ok let them live their lives they are good kids they will do fine.............trying to avoid the fact that at times they may NOT do fine...........
but at this point giving them the chance is what I feel I need to do for them and for me...........so this is me trying my best
With my AH it did feel better and after the conversation I really did just feel relief no regret ..............hoping with time I will get that with the kids too.
thanks Impurrfect
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lies))) - I do understand. I'm the same way with my niece, Brit. I'm pretty emotionally invested in her, too, but I've had to step back with her. She's convinced that screaming and cussing will get her her way...and it does, with dad and stepmom, most of the time. I finally told her, that when she does that, she will get NOTHING from me, whether it's me she's yelling at or not.
The other night, she had to call me to pick her up because she couldn't get hold of stepmom. She was later telling stepmom "Amy DOES things for me...when I ask her nicely". This is stuff a "normal" 15-year-old knows...Brit has never had any discipline and knows nothing about consequences, except from what I've tried to teach her, so I can see that she IS learning something from me...it's just taken a while. She is picking up on the way I handle things around the house, so it makes me even more determined to show her the "non-codie" way, because stepmom is a HUGE codie.
It's hard..I want a lot for Brit, but I'm not her mom. I'm finding out, though, she does pay attention to how I deal with life, and she picks up on things. It gives me a little more incentive to teach her, while she's young, how to be responsible for HER stuff, but not take on the problems of others (stepmom is a HUGE codie).
I think you're doing great!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
The other night, she had to call me to pick her up because she couldn't get hold of stepmom. She was later telling stepmom "Amy DOES things for me...when I ask her nicely". This is stuff a "normal" 15-year-old knows...Brit has never had any discipline and knows nothing about consequences, except from what I've tried to teach her, so I can see that she IS learning something from me...it's just taken a while. She is picking up on the way I handle things around the house, so it makes me even more determined to show her the "non-codie" way, because stepmom is a HUGE codie.
It's hard..I want a lot for Brit, but I'm not her mom. I'm finding out, though, she does pay attention to how I deal with life, and she picks up on things. It gives me a little more incentive to teach her, while she's young, how to be responsible for HER stuff, but not take on the problems of others (stepmom is a HUGE codie).
I think you're doing great!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lies, your recovery is shining here!!
Our Step 12 says...
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Even knowing this, it was a surprise to me how the 12 steps work in every single aspect of my life and in all relationships.
Learning to work my program was one thing, but learning to live it was a beautiful thing.
Hugs
Our Step 12 says...
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Even knowing this, it was a surprise to me how the 12 steps work in every single aspect of my life and in all relationships.
Learning to work my program was one thing, but learning to live it was a beautiful thing.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Wow, recovery hummmm
somehow I see myself as struggling thru life trying to figure the messes out as I go......making baby steps towards correcting my character defects and not going so crazy about other people in my life( my biggest character defect) and trying to learn from my mistakes .........
but Yeah, thats Recovery!! Thanks Ann for pointing that out
somehow I see myself as struggling thru life trying to figure the messes out as I go......making baby steps towards correcting my character defects and not going so crazy about other people in my life( my biggest character defect) and trying to learn from my mistakes .........
but Yeah, thats Recovery!! Thanks Ann for pointing that out
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