Unintended learning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
Posts: 65
Unintended learning
I was so happy to find SR, since there is no Alanon/Naranon in my area. I thought I needed reminders of what I had learned years ago while married to an alcoholic because I was spinning into insanity with AD lately.
I can't tell if she is actively using. Says "no," but the lying and other self centered, using, abusive behaviors are there. In the past, I tolerated all that with, "It's the drug talking. She's not like that when she's clean." and so on.
Since coming here, I have been relieved of the responsibility of knowing whether she is using or not. I don't have to figure it out. It doesn't matter.
I've read over and over, "Is that behavior acceptable to you?" No. For today it is not. I got a dose of her wrath earlier and didn't react, try to reason or rationalize with her, and didn't beg for more.
Thank you.
I can't tell if she is actively using. Says "no," but the lying and other self centered, using, abusive behaviors are there. In the past, I tolerated all that with, "It's the drug talking. She's not like that when she's clean." and so on.
Since coming here, I have been relieved of the responsibility of knowing whether she is using or not. I don't have to figure it out. It doesn't matter.
I've read over and over, "Is that behavior acceptable to you?" No. For today it is not. I got a dose of her wrath earlier and didn't react, try to reason or rationalize with her, and didn't beg for more.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Exactly~~~It took me counciling and this site to get my head on straight when we were dealing with my son and his addiction. You sound centered and know how to react now so stay strong..It's so important!! Hugs, Bonnie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks for this reminder of things we know today that we didn't know before...and how much better our lives are when we remember.
Reminders that have always helped me are...
We didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.
It doesn't matter if we have "proof" that they are using. Our instincts rarely lie...and using or not, the behaviour is not acceptable.
We don't have to participate in their insanity. We don't own their bad behaviour and we don't deserve the disrespectful things they say.
We don't "owe" them anything.
We can love the addict and hate the disease.
We are NOT their only option. If we don't bail them out, they will learn that there are consequences to their actions. If we do not allow them to live at home, there are rehab programs, shelters with councelors and hot food and clean beds, there are detox facilities and meetings all over town...they don't have to live on the street or under a bridge.
They can find their drug in any city in the world, so they can find their way off the street if they use the same energy to look.
Phewww, forgot some of those lessons I learned at the School of Hard Knocks
Hugs
Reminders that have always helped me are...
We didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.
It doesn't matter if we have "proof" that they are using. Our instincts rarely lie...and using or not, the behaviour is not acceptable.
We don't have to participate in their insanity. We don't own their bad behaviour and we don't deserve the disrespectful things they say.
We don't "owe" them anything.
We can love the addict and hate the disease.
We are NOT their only option. If we don't bail them out, they will learn that there are consequences to their actions. If we do not allow them to live at home, there are rehab programs, shelters with councelors and hot food and clean beds, there are detox facilities and meetings all over town...they don't have to live on the street or under a bridge.
They can find their drug in any city in the world, so they can find their way off the street if they use the same energy to look.
Phewww, forgot some of those lessons I learned at the School of Hard Knocks
Hugs
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