angel126

My fiance is a pill addict. He has been in recovery in the past for alcohol and was clean for over a year after that. The pills have gotten out of hand and it consumes him completely. He lies continuously about it and for so long our relationship was based on pure honesty. It is breaking my heart. I don't understand how someone can look you in the eyes and tell you how much they love you and then turn right back around look you in the eyes and lie. I feel as though his addiction is the highest importance to him and i just fall somewhere below on the chart. I don't know what to do anymore. We have started a recovery program but nothing has changed at all. Any advice?

GiveLove

Hi angel,

Glad you found us.....and sorry you're in so much pain. Have you read the "Sticky" posts at the very top of the forum? Sometimes those can be really eye-opening and educational.

Lying, unfortunately, is often a fundamental part of addiction. Addicts lie in order to keep using their drug (also from shame, etc.) I know that lying isn't something I could tolerate either, and certainly couldn't consider marrying someone who lies right to my face.

You say you're both in recovery now but nothing's changing. Can you explain?

lovtolaff

I don't understand it either but it is what they as addicts do...and they do it well.

I don't mean to sound harsh - but my advice is to RUN and RUN FAR AND FAST! Life is way too short to spend it worrying over what your significant other is doing. I spent 2 years "babysitting" mine and it did NO GOOD. It only made me crazy.

Keep reading and posting.

I'm sorry you are here.

angel126

when I say that nothing has changed I mean that it has not even made him slow down any.

Barbara52

Then he isn't in recovery. The first step in any reocovery program is to stop.

angel126

no i am not. I went through anorexia for several years but never had any drug addictions. We go to a recovery where it is a combined recovery at first then breaks off to small groups. The lies and hurt consume my every thought and emotion these days and it hurts more than I can put into words.

Barbara52

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. Its familiar to many of us. You can work on improving your own situation and life regardless fo what he chooses to do.

sosickofcycle

Yes! Read my little analogy about that on the piggies in my post labeled "This is the email" I think it is number 12 on there. This hit the spot for me thanks!

K3yz

I am one of the same kind of guys has your boyfriend.

I lied to my girlfriend a lot. It is not because I do not care or love her. I do care a lot about and and love her. It is because im a ashamed and I do not want to let her down. Just has much has my girlfriend wanted me to stop, I always wanted to stop. Sadly, I was not at the point were I could have stopped. Being addicted to pills was and is the worst weekness I have. I notice and figured it out now, I am on a mission to stop.

1. For myself, I know I can live better with out them.
2. For my girlfriend. I do not want her worring about me anymore, I feel I owe it to her.

Bear with him, It should all work out. If it doesn't sorry

Kindeyes

Angel
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the saddness, fear, anxiety, and pain that comes with loving an addict. As you know, you can't change him. Only he can do that. But you can do things to make YOUR life bearable....even happy.

I'm glad to hear that you are in a program. When my son went into treatment, it was the best thing I did for ME. I went to every meeting they offered. And it was the beginning of ME getting better. It's a slow, long, sometimes bumpy road but concentrating on what is best for YOU is actually the best thing you can do for him.

gentle hugs