Happy Endings??

Old 03-11-2009, 11:38 AM
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miyah
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Question Happy Endings??

Are there any happy endings? Do any of you have an alcoholic partner that quit drinking and stayed sober?
I have been visiting here for awhile and have read of lots of relapses.
I am stuck in that place where I can't quite give up yet. But I am afraid to really commit to trying with him again.
I have been working on me and learning alot about how to take care of me, but this escapes me. Is it better to just move on??
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:52 AM
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I'm sure there are people whose partner quit drinking and stayed sober. However, mine wasn't one of them.

I was stuck in that place for almost two years, even though my XAH had walked out on us. I always wanted to believe there was hope that he would stop drinking. I thought he would wake up one day, realize what he was missing and come home. Unfortunately, that never happened.

Then I woke up one day and realized that even if he did stop drinking, I wasn't willing to try with him any more. I was so tired of all of it that it didn't matter any more. He was a stranger to me.

I have come to realize that my ending is happy, even though we're not together any more. I can live my life the way I want to and he can live his. I'm not so stressed out any more and my home is peaceful.

Whether or not you decide to move on is up to you. You'll know when the time is right to make whatever decision you make.

Good luck!





Sue
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Old 03-11-2009, 12:03 PM
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There was a thread some time ago along the same lines but I can't find it. Perhaps someone else who remembers that thread and is better at searching than I can find it?

I consider mine a happy ending because my life is better and I am healtheir and happier. Not the definition of happy ending you seem to be working from I know. But sometimes we have to change our definitions when reality smacks us in the face. I would at one time have thought getting my Ah sober and staying married and living happily ever after was the definition of a happy ending. No more though

Once I accepted that my happiness depended on no one but me, that I was not in control of xAH and is alcoholism, and began working on me, my happy ending started.
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Old 03-11-2009, 12:53 PM
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My AH stopped drinking last year in July. What I didn't realize at the time he stopped, was that it wasn't the ACTION of drinking that was the problem in our marriage, it was the ATTITUDE of alcoholism (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, coersion, etc) that was destroying me and my relationship with him. He stopped the action, but refused to even acknowledge the attitude he still lived in every day.

I, like Barbara, AM living a "happy ending", a more fulfilling, happy life - but it is without my (now sober) alcoholic husband.

I hope that no matter what HE does, you make the choices YOU need to make to take care of YOU. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-11-2009, 01:04 PM
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You can count me in on the happy ending with a more fulfilling, happy life too.

However my EXAH was buried two years ago, due to complication from AIDS which he contracted while sharing needles with another IV drug user.
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Old 03-11-2009, 02:37 PM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...marriages.html

There is a similar thread from before

Something that has become apparent to me over time, for one reason or another, generally speaking this is the wrong forum to look for a successful relationship with a recovered alcoholic.

When someone posted that in the last thread, I got kind of a resentment, but generally speaking it's the truth, there are one or two notable exceptions, but here is the wrong place to look for "success stories" that involve relationships with sober people.

You will hear a lot of success stories from people who got into recovery themselves, and either moved on or their alcoholic passed away, but not many "successful relationship" with an Alcoholic stories, those people don't come here.

By the way, although I am involved with a lovely young lady today who isn't "sober" (she is however in a very real way in recovery) I did have a successful long term relationship with a sober alcoholic, but the truth of the matter is I wouldn't even consider dating an alcoholic with probably less then around seven years of sobriety, there is the risk factor (which diminishes greatly after 2 years) but there is all the baggage that accompanies addiction that takes years to clear up, if ever and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the first decade of sobriety.

There are success stories, but perhaps if you want to hear about them you may want to post in the 12 step sober alcoholic forum
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Old 03-11-2009, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Ago View Post
Something that has become apparent to me over time, for one reason or another, generally speaking this is the wrong forum to look for a successful relationship with a recovered alcoholic.

When someone posted that in the last thread, I got kind of a resentment, but generally speaking it's the truth, there are one or two notable exceptions, but here is the wrong place to look for "success stories" that involve relationships with sober people.
Thanks, that was the thread I was thinking about.

And you are right. Those who are sucessful in terms of staying in a relationship with a recovering A aren't the one who post in this section. Its a sad truth that those posting in here are the ones for whom the relationship either isn't working or who chose end a relationship already, leading to a different definition of success and happy ending.
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Old 03-12-2009, 06:05 AM
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Thanks to everyone who replied. I do know that I can be fine on my own. Actually taking steps in that direction, returning to school, thinking of selling my business and relocating. There is a part of me that can't help but see what a good man this one is without the alcohol. He has been sober for awhile ( about 6 weeks) . I just have a bit of a wait and see attitude.
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Old 03-12-2009, 06:31 AM
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This isn't my experience, it is the ES&H of my alanon group, so take that with a pinch of salt (as its second hand)


The majority of long-term members in my Al-anon group, who were there because of an alcoholic husband/wife were still with their husbands/wives and their husbands/wives were in recovery. Of these those, most had come to the rooms after their AH/W had started AA. One had thrown AH out with the stipulation that he had to attend AA, and it has aparently stuck for 20-odd years. A couple of others had done the same and it hadn't stuck, a couple more were with their AH's who were not in recovery, many newcomers came, grew, left or were left by their A's and then stopped coming....and then there were the parents and children of alcoholics.

I wish there were a way of predicting which group we would end up in (and how long that would last).
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Old 03-12-2009, 06:42 AM
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I am stuck in that place where I can't quite give up yet. But I am afraid to really commit to trying with him again.
I too got stuck "in that place" for longer than I should have. I so wanted him to wake up and see what he was losing before it was too late. I was also afraid to "commit" or open up my heart time and time again - only to have it broken time and time again. It was finally too much for me to try to deal with.

Oh how I wish I could report on a "happy ending" for my relationship - depending on how you look at it - my ending could be happy for someone reading here. I rid myself of the alcoholic/addict in my life and am growing and learning more about myself every day.

It's not easy to walk away from someone you love - but sometimes it's something that you have to do for you and your sanity. Someone here once said to me - "you don't have to LIKE it - but you have to ACCEPT it". And no I don't LIKE the fact that "we" couldn't be together but I ACCEPT that there is more out there for me.
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