SHawk25

Hi, my name is Steve and I'm 32. I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I'm not sure. I'm on the verge of losing my fiance, the love of my life, over drinking which makes me spend money carelessly. So I must have some kind of problem. Sorry this thread might be jumbled, my head isn't all there right now.

I'm a beer drinker. I don't need to drink it everyday or do I crave it. But going back through life I've had 4 groups of friends in the different stages throughout my life. And I've found one common denominator, they were all drinkers.

My current group of friends are mostly my softball team. I've known them for 5 years now. Alot of them are close friends, including my would be future brother-in-law.

When we go out or to a party we always over do it. My problem is that I have a hard time saying no to drinking and sticking to it when they try to talk me into it.

I used to never drink during the week, I would just go to the gym. But I did however always over drink on the weekends. But now it's easier and easier for me to miss the gym and go to the bar with the guys.

My fiance has asked me several times to cut back. I would do well for a few weeks or a few months, then I would go back to the same routine. If it's just myself and her we can go out I would have just a couple and be fine. But if we go out as a group I would always overdo it.

Our wedding was coming up in 6 weeks and I drank away some money I was supposed to put towards the wedding. Then this past Saturday we had a softball meeting which turned into an all night bar tour. This was her breaking point. She called the wedding off, I am not sure if we're going to stay together or not.

So what is my first step in finding help? Am I an alcoholic or just have some problems with will power and who I choose to hang out with?

AlkalikeH

Hey Shawk, glad you tuned into SR today. Welcome

I think that the "am i an alcoholic?" question is one you need to answer yourself.

I can only add here is that: i am a drunk and i have f*cked more than a few good relationships with loving, caring women through booze and i have met a lot of f*cked up ones through drugs and the bottle. I don´t really have any regrets, but maybe things could have gone a different way, i will never know. Women are goners in my life.

If beer is in between you and a solid relationship with your fiancee, then i would give the issue some serious thought. After all these women on my life were gone, i don´t remember sobering up and getting my sh*t together, mostly i just drank myself furthermore.

Stick around SR and read as much as you can, then it is your call

All the best!

least

Sounds like alcohol has just kicked your ass good. Alcoholism (by definition) doesn't depend on what, where, how much, how often, or with whom you drank. It depends on what happens to you when you drink. You said you cannot drink 'sensibly' when you're out with your friends. Your fiancee just called off your wedding. You drank away some money that was supposed to go for the wedding. Just my opinion, but it sounds like you'd be better off by far without drinking.

Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. ONly you can decide if what you've lost from drinking is worth more than the drinking itself.

Welcome to a great place for support and experience.:ghug3

AlkalikeH

Oh, my mind skipped this one. Like least said, the booze already gave you a good kick in the nuts.

Hope you can come through and get this sorted out, man!

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR Steve.
The question is irrelevant.
Drinking is causing you problems and the best way to solve those problems is not to drink.
I came here because my wife told me to either quit drinking get out.
It sounds we are in similar boats.

I have been wrestling with the am I an alcoholic problem since I quit and the first two lines of my post are the answer.
I hope if you promise to quit that your fiancee will give you another chance. Try and ask her?
If she will then you have to decide what is more important and if the answer is drinking then you are probably better off not to ask.
Good luck.

joinedintime

You're doing the right thing by coming here
Alcoholism is progressive
People don't always agree on which point in the progression you are officially an alcoholic
It's easier to work on it now than 5 or 10 more years of partying later
Keep reading here and elsewhere
If you quit, it's better to do it for you than for her or anyone else
Best of luck to you

SaraLynn

It sounds like you have a problem with drinking. I would get to an AA meeting and get into your doctor ASAP in case you would need to go through a medical detox. W/D from Alcohol can be very bad (seizures hallucinations etc).

Alcoholism has nothing to do with will power. It is a disease. It's a disease that can be controlled if you are willing to put in the work to do so.

If you want more information on AA they do have a very good web site that has self test sort of information designed to determine for yourself if you have a drinking problem or not. It's all up to you. I hope things improve for you. You can do it.
Good Luck
Sara

Mattcake

Hi SHawk Welcome to SR.

I wouldn't worry too much about labels at this point. The first step in finding help... Try asking yourself if drinking alcohol is worth the trouble and problems it is bringing to your life. Answer that question honestly, and decide for yourself.

If you do decide to give up drinking, you will probably need help. You will find a lot of support and encouragement here in SR Good luck.

Anna

Hi Steve,

Welcome!

I agree, it doesn't really matter what you call it at this point, but it is clearly a big problem in your life. Calling off a wedding six weeks before the event is a huge deal. I tried moderating my drinking for about a year and it continued to worsen and I thought about it all the time. Quitting drinking was a relief.

CarolD

Welcome to SR...

Alcoholism?
Please check out this link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

CAPTAINZING2000

Any time people that loved me said, I was drinking too much, I became annoyed.

However, if someone that loved me thought, I was drinking too much, they were right.

A normal drinker wouldn't be having someone questioning the amount they drink.
I was diagnosed as a problem drinker. I elected to keep going to AA just to be on the safe side. My life got better as a result

SHawk25

Ok, thank you for all the advice and support.. The answer is a definite Yes, my fiance is more important than drinking.. And I'M more important than drinking.

I definitely don't need medical detox, I don't go through withdrawal or anything.. Only drink a couple days a week.

I just need to find a way to be stonger, to be able to say no.. Wasn't sure what avenue to take. Reading some other posts that people need beer to get through the day. Or hiding their drinking. Not putting anyone down, but that isn't me..

Wasn't sure if AA would work, sounds like it is meant more for the everyday all day drinkers.

Fubarcdn

My program is coming here and reading and posting and it is working for me and believe me I have a lot at stake: a 31 year marriage.
Reading stories like yours helps me keep that in the front of my mind and helps me stay strong. Like you I love to go out and drink with my buds but I know I can't and my relationship is more important. Do what you can to convince her you are serious and BE serious. It is worth it. I see too many men in the bars that are my age that choose booze to think any other way.

Sara9009

Welcome to SR. There is a sticky of programs in the Alcoholism Forum that has different programs like Rational Recovery and Smart. I personally find it helpful to read through the different information and programs and take bits and pieces that I find helpful and include them in my sobriety. Even if you come to the conclusion (which only you can do) that you are at a stage in your life that you are problem drinking instead of an Alcoholic these tools will help.

I hope this doesn't come out wrong but try not to compare your drinking to anyone else's to determine if you have a problem or the severity of it. I can always look and say well I never had any legal trouble and the only person that I was affecting with my drinking was my husband and I have don't XYZ but the bottom line came down to alcohol was negatively impacting my life and my life is better w/o alcohol.

I hope things work out with your Fiance and things start to get more on track.

AlkalikeH

Hey Shawk. Kinda corny but some say: "if there is a will, there is a way" (not sure if that is the exact phrasing, my mind is swimming today)

There are plenty of resources available if you want to quit drinking and get your sh*t straight, but in a very healthy and positive way!

Like Joinedintime said: you need to first do this for yourself, then for others. You already acknowledge that YOU come first, not the drink, so you are off to a great start on resolving this issue. You never know if this could get progressive and then those on and off beers through the weekends or day in day out drink become a daily thing in your life.

I think AA and any other organization that is out there helping others with their drinking issues don´t really measure you up on how much beers are you having on a weekly basis or anything like that: they are there to help people that want to be sober! even if that means 2 beers at lunch!

You can also take great advantage of SR, is such an amazing group of people helping each other and giving so much living support, heck it helps a hard headed barroom f*ck like me - so why would not help you too?

Sort out a plan and stick to it, get sober, enjoy your fiancee and the life that awaits.

All the best!

CAPTAINZING2000

hmm

I wasn't an every day drinker. I didn't drink on Wed. that, made me a weekend warrior!!

Actually, not sure how many people would be considered an alcoholic at first. I believe, a great deal of us worked our way up to that point in life.
We build up a tolerance as years pass and gradually, we drink more and more.

Try controlled drinking see where you go from there

mle-sober

Hi SHawk,

Welcome to SR and I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you're having to do some soul searching. This is a great place to air some of your thoughts.

I hope that you'll give your gf some time to trust you again. It might take more than just a pledge to not drink or to moderate your drinking better.

Good luck. I hope you stay and keep reading and posting.

- mle

James13

Hey Shawk, welcome.

Stick around for a while and read some posts. But really, only you can know if you are an alcoholic for sure.

What I will say is that it doesn't take an everyday drinker to be an alcoholic. While alcohol wasn't my choice drug, I can relate to your post, especially about the significant other not putting up with things anymore.

Peace.

least

AA is not just for 'all day every day' drinkers, but is for anyone who has the desire to stop drinking. There are people with all kinds of alcohol problems there from all walks of life. Give it a try before you say 'no'. I don't go as much as I used to, but still make my home group meeting and come away feeling refreshed and worthy.

:ghug3

SelfSeeking

Everyone draws their own line in the sand... I guess there was a time when I didn't drink every weekend (although I don't recall when this was!). Then I drank every weekend, then I drank every night I didn't have somewhere to be in the morning, then I drank every night that I didn't have to be in clinical in the morning... finally last summer I was down to only not drinking when I was still too nauseous from a hangover. And I was starting to think about the "hair of the dog" concept. Along the way there were some very significant consequences.

My point being, your drinking is progressing now, you may not want to find how far it can go. It would probably be an unpleasant journey.

lol, on that chipper note, welcome to SR!