Quacking?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sunny, California
Posts: 34
Quacking?
I have read a lot of posts talking about quacking on here today. I think that may be what my ADAXH may be doing. Basically means what? Throwing you a bone- just enough to keep you hanging on but no substance there? Ugh! It is so hard to let go after 15 years, but I need to know he will never change. He doesn't even do the thing most of them do which is to say that they will do whatever it takes to make it better, go to treatment, etc. He is in the denial stage, and seems to have been for a long time. Oh well I am glad to have all your stories to read, it has really helped me a lot today, and you all will be seeing a lot more of me!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome!!
I know what you mean about them not saying they'll do whatever it takes to get better.
My ABF admits he has a problem with drinking too much (he won't say he's an alcoholic if you paid him to) but insists he has every right to drink.
He says that he works, though he did not in the past, he has a difficult boss to deal with, he can drink in moderation if he feels like it....This is his quacking. He quacks the loudest when he's trying to justify why we chooses to drink over any other priority or why he chooses to treat others poorly when his drinking gets heavy.
The other night, he was telling me all about how he heard on a radio show some criticism of President Obama for being photographed at a sporting event with a beer in his hand. My ABF ranted on about how the President, of all people, had the right to have a beer at a game if he wants to. He has one of the most stressful jobs in the world, he's a grown man, he represent the common man (ABF too, of course), blah, blah, blah.
That's him quacking on a soap box.
Hope to see more of you soon, too.
Peace
Alice
I know what you mean about them not saying they'll do whatever it takes to get better.
My ABF admits he has a problem with drinking too much (he won't say he's an alcoholic if you paid him to) but insists he has every right to drink.
He says that he works, though he did not in the past, he has a difficult boss to deal with, he can drink in moderation if he feels like it....This is his quacking. He quacks the loudest when he's trying to justify why we chooses to drink over any other priority or why he chooses to treat others poorly when his drinking gets heavy.
The other night, he was telling me all about how he heard on a radio show some criticism of President Obama for being photographed at a sporting event with a beer in his hand. My ABF ranted on about how the President, of all people, had the right to have a beer at a game if he wants to. He has one of the most stressful jobs in the world, he's a grown man, he represent the common man (ABF too, of course), blah, blah, blah.
That's him quacking on a soap box.
Hope to see more of you soon, too.
Peace
Alice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Want to add my welcome here too.... Glad to meet you and looking forward to getting to know you better.
For me quacking is many things.... its when my ex AH would threaten me ... the same old threats that he would never be able to follow through with ... or when he would spend the evening going over all that was wrong with me .... to keep the focus off himself and me on the defensive....
What it all comes down to for me .... if it is not true, loving and constructive... I just dont need to give it my attention. I have too many other good things in life to focus on.
For me quacking is many things.... its when my ex AH would threaten me ... the same old threats that he would never be able to follow through with ... or when he would spend the evening going over all that was wrong with me .... to keep the focus off himself and me on the defensive....
What it all comes down to for me .... if it is not true, loving and constructive... I just dont need to give it my attention. I have too many other good things in life to focus on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
it's the same with my ABF. i'm learning that he'll say anything just to slide out of responsibility. he'll lie, he'll make promises.... he says also he has a right to drink, as a working man. which of course, he does. it's his life.
mine only works when he has absolutely no money at all left and heavy debt, to the point that he has no other avenue but to work. most days, he doesn't work, but he still drinks plenty. he doesn't think he has a drinking problem at all.
when he is really trying to convince me to believe some excuse, he'll swear on his children's lives....and it's still a lie!
you say "he'll never change". well, they could, but in my opinion, they would have to get serious and ours aren't even admitting a drinking problem. so it appears that we are to let them hit the bottom for the sake of everyone involved. easier said then done but i'm going to give it a try.
you said you've been waiting 15 years. that's a long time.
mine only works when he has absolutely no money at all left and heavy debt, to the point that he has no other avenue but to work. most days, he doesn't work, but he still drinks plenty. he doesn't think he has a drinking problem at all.
when he is really trying to convince me to believe some excuse, he'll swear on his children's lives....and it's still a lie!
you say "he'll never change". well, they could, but in my opinion, they would have to get serious and ours aren't even admitting a drinking problem. so it appears that we are to let them hit the bottom for the sake of everyone involved. easier said then done but i'm going to give it a try.
you said you've been waiting 15 years. that's a long time.
LOL. 
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