sosickofcycle

Ugh- where to start y'all? Umm how do I summarize this? OK 15 years ago I was 16 and he was 24 and he sold me pot and we liked to party and he stayed that way and I grew up. And now 2 kids, a major stroke which left him temporarily paralyzed, a successful business, me moving out twice, this time to another state, a custody battle, with a bad outcome, him saying he broke up with new gf cause he couldn't do the deed with her because it has been just us for so long, and now I am trying to convince him to get sober (again) and he is refusing, and I am trying to talk him into it and I am crying because he won't change for us and it is nothing new same old codependent of the decade crap, but I want so badly for him to want it and him to take some responsibility but I am moving on with my life, but I have to send my daughter to him to live because of the court stuff but she can come back and I hope she will after she sees how he really is without me there, but I will worry about her so much and I wish she hadn't chosen this, etc. etc. I am in hell right now. Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel!
BTW I used to post on here a couple of years ago so I am new but not really new. Just help me remember what I need to hear to RMEMBER if you know what I mean. Please...

orviske

You can't control it. You didn't cause it and you CAN'T CURE IT!

No matter how badly you want him to get healthy, until he wants it for himself it will never work.

I need to take my own darn advice.

HUGS,

Fellow codie of the decade!

sosickofcycle

Thanks! I must sound like a crazy person as no one else even knew what to reply. haha well going between love and hate like this probably does make people a bit crazy I suppose. His email to me explaining that he couldn't do the deed with his new gf is what set all this off, he said he couldn't because it has just been him and I for so long. And that made me feel like I was giving up on us, and he has been my man for half of my life! But man oh man it has been so long, and even though he still wants me (why shouldn't he- I was awesome to him!) he takes no responsibility for any of his actions, and I simply cant be with someone who is like that, and who chooses not to learn from mistakes, or to grow from them.
SO then I have my 14 year old daughter who has chosen to go back to the home state to live with him. I tried to get full custody and couldn't She wants to be with her friends and her boyfriend there, and so I have to send her back and try to ensure her safety with "rules" of parenting for him to follow, knowing that he probably won't follow through, he never has before, but thenI can just hope that she will see him for how he really is and come back to me. This is the hardest part. I have to stay here to protect my little one from him, she is only 1 and doesn't need to know any of this craziness.
Anyway, the 3 c's I will keep them in mind, thanks for the reply!

veryrestless722

my son is only 4 months but im having to slowly face facts that where his father is concerned i cant always protect him the way i want to, i wanted full custody and no visitations, but florida is a two parent state, so ive had to readjust my thinking and now im trying to work with my husband to let him see my son, of course he doesnt seem that interested so i may end up with full custody anyways, but i know how you feel, the constant back and forth, thinking just maybe i should keep trying , should i give up or keep trying , all it takes is a little hope from them and you start the cycle right back over again, its pure hell sometimes, im sorry that your daughter is going to live with him, but it may be an eye opener for her, sometimes people have to learn by experiance, i can only imagine how hard that is for you, i would flip out if my son had to go live with my husband