Alcohol is taking over my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
Alcohol is taking over my life
Hi, I just signed up for this site today. I have tried recovery in the past and never succeeded, I don't think I was ready. I have been through rehab, had multiple hospital visits, and lost many friends through the years because of my habit. My love for alcohol has taken over as my best friend over the past 3 years and I have isolated myself to the point where leaving the house for anything other than going to work or school is just not something I will willingly do anymore, even if alcohol is involved. I would rather drink by myself because I wont embarass myself. You would think that with all the losses and embarassment I have experienced that I would have decided to quit after I experienced them but I didn't. I have just isolated myself so that nobody will see how bad my habit is becoming.
My reason for searching and finding this site is that I am beginning to be scared for my health. In the past I haven't cared about my health and have figured that the faster the alcohol ruined my health the better but I have recently decided to finish my degree and thought I could maintain my drinking if I had a goal in mind. I was wrong. Going home and drinking remains the only thing I want to do when I get off work or school and my tolerance has gotten so high that I can drink a 12 pack and go to work the next morning without a hangover as long as I know I can crack a beer as soon as I get off. Waking up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast it feels like I am going to have a heart attack is a regular occurance and I have aged my poor body horribly over the past 3 to 4 years, which is how long I have been isolating to have alcohol as my only friend. I have had depression problems since I was 12 and I know the alcohol makes my medication not as effective but I haven't cared as long as I can get my fix. I need help and don't know where to go because I have been so shy with AA meetings. I have tried going to them and will end up showing up to an all men's meeting or something stupid like that and it just discourages me further. Anyways, this is me, any suggestions?
My reason for searching and finding this site is that I am beginning to be scared for my health. In the past I haven't cared about my health and have figured that the faster the alcohol ruined my health the better but I have recently decided to finish my degree and thought I could maintain my drinking if I had a goal in mind. I was wrong. Going home and drinking remains the only thing I want to do when I get off work or school and my tolerance has gotten so high that I can drink a 12 pack and go to work the next morning without a hangover as long as I know I can crack a beer as soon as I get off. Waking up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast it feels like I am going to have a heart attack is a regular occurance and I have aged my poor body horribly over the past 3 to 4 years, which is how long I have been isolating to have alcohol as my only friend. I have had depression problems since I was 12 and I know the alcohol makes my medication not as effective but I haven't cared as long as I can get my fix. I need help and don't know where to go because I have been so shy with AA meetings. I have tried going to them and will end up showing up to an all men's meeting or something stupid like that and it just discourages me further. Anyways, this is me, any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 17
Hi Emily ~ You have taken a good first step by admitting that this "drug" has taken over your life!! If you are really serious about getting clean, I would start with a 3-5 day detox inpatient program. It is a medically supervised detox. Check with your insurance or state hospitals.
This will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you need to let the people around you know what is going on so they can support you. Ask for help! I am on day 6 with out any pills. Different addiction, but ultimately the same feelings. I loved my pills and they were hard to give up, but once I finally admitted to my family and friends that I need help I realized how much they really cared and are so supportive.
Sorry if I am rambling... I just know the power of an addiction! I also know that there are better things on the back side of that addiction.
This will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you need to let the people around you know what is going on so they can support you. Ask for help! I am on day 6 with out any pills. Different addiction, but ultimately the same feelings. I loved my pills and they were hard to give up, but once I finally admitted to my family and friends that I need help I realized how much they really cared and are so supportive.
Sorry if I am rambling... I just know the power of an addiction! I also know that there are better things on the back side of that addiction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi Emily. Do you go to a counselor to help you? My friend went to rehab 3 times and has stayed sober since the third, only reason being he found a brilliant counselor who has helped him. The reason i use him as an example is he was an absolute lost cause to everything, and was written off by most but this one person has literally saved his life. I have tried many things over the years, am 37 now, and just got sober last october through counselling, i was just lucky enough to find a person who i clicked with and i plan to go to AA (you get more open and confident after a few months without alcohol). Unfortunately counsellers are only human so you may have to go through a few before you find one who can help you?
Keep coming here it is a great support!
Keep coming here it is a great support!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Emily,
Welcome!
It's a good idea to talk to your dr before you start to detox. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Take a look around and read and learn. You'll find lots of support here.
Welcome!
It's a good idea to talk to your dr before you start to detox. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Take a look around and read and learn. You'll find lots of support here.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Hi Emily. 
As Anna said it is a good idea to see your doctor first.
I am trying to quit on my own with the help of the people here at this forum only.For the first two weeks I was on here constantly and only now am I starting to spend more time on other things.
So far so good. There is plenty of support here for anyone that wants it or you can just come and read and reading others stories may give you the inspiration you need.
Stick around and good luck on your journey.
As Anna said it is a good idea to see your doctor first.
I am trying to quit on my own with the help of the people here at this forum only.For the first two weeks I was on here constantly and only now am I starting to spend more time on other things.
So far so good. There is plenty of support here for anyone that wants it or you can just come and read and reading others stories may give you the inspiration you need.
Stick around and good luck on your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
I actually had a counseler I was very close to that helped me a whole lot my first time through rehab but he unfortunatley passed away the next year and I have been discouraged to try to find another one because like you said it can be very difficult to find a good one that you click with. Having a good counseler is definitely helpful and I need to start looking, thanks for the suggestion.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
emily welcome im glad your here.
Firstly please see a doctor and be honest about your drinking before attempting to stop..sometimes medical intervention is needed..to be safe.
keep trying with the aa meetings...and get a sponsor.
Sometimes it helps to try different meetings....if in doubt call AA helpline for advice and maybe a twelve stepper will come to see you.
Or try another program..there are plenty out there...some here use different programs to AA and have manage to stay sober.....and happy
Keep coming back here..is very important. there is a world of advice and support here...
I also wanted to say......IT IS POSSIBLE TO LIVE CONTENTED WITHOUT BOOZE......cos when i was drinking i didnt believe it was and i was sooo wrong.
god be with you.........trucker
Firstly please see a doctor and be honest about your drinking before attempting to stop..sometimes medical intervention is needed..to be safe.
keep trying with the aa meetings...and get a sponsor.
Sometimes it helps to try different meetings....if in doubt call AA helpline for advice and maybe a twelve stepper will come to see you.
Or try another program..there are plenty out there...some here use different programs to AA and have manage to stay sober.....and happy
Keep coming back here..is very important. there is a world of advice and support here...
I also wanted to say......IT IS POSSIBLE TO LIVE CONTENTED WITHOUT BOOZE......cos when i was drinking i didnt believe it was and i was sooo wrong.
god be with you.........trucker
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 212
Welcome Emily! I can certainly relate to you isolating yourself with your BF alcohol! It was actually the racing heart that landed me here at SR (thank you!). I thought I was having a heart attack and ended up in the ER. Later it occurred to me it might have something to do with my drinking and it was while I was researching on the internet that I found SR.
You will find a lot of great support and information here.
Wishing you the best!
You will find a lot of great support and information here.
Wishing you the best!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington State
Posts: 150
Hi Emily,
Whatever you do choose, I would recommend checking this forum frequently. I am also shy of AA but I find a lot of common concern and genuine people here who have helped me immensely. I am not totally stable in sobriety (yet -- meaning I have drunk periodically) but I can guarantee I'm drinking a lot less and can go for longer periods of time now than before, when I had no one but myself. It is good to have a support network, and I think that all people here will vouch for the fact that we care about everyone getting better. We want to get better. There are no secrets here; we've all done a lot of the same crazy things and just want to see everyone get better from the dreadful existence of alcohol addiction. Keep posting and you will see the support.
Whatever you do choose, I would recommend checking this forum frequently. I am also shy of AA but I find a lot of common concern and genuine people here who have helped me immensely. I am not totally stable in sobriety (yet -- meaning I have drunk periodically) but I can guarantee I'm drinking a lot less and can go for longer periods of time now than before, when I had no one but myself. It is good to have a support network, and I think that all people here will vouch for the fact that we care about everyone getting better. We want to get better. There are no secrets here; we've all done a lot of the same crazy things and just want to see everyone get better from the dreadful existence of alcohol addiction. Keep posting and you will see the support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Emily,
It truly is heartbreaking when we cut ourselves off from others, only to slip further into the grips of an addiction that will kill us in so many ways. We isolate from family, friends coworkers, neighbors, and even the postman, so that no one really sees how much our addictions are controlling our lives. Eventually our will to live even slips away, for we see life through the tainted lens of a bottle, instead of the bright light of day through which we can live. This group is all about what we can do to break out of the darkness of our addictions and walk back into the light, thus restoring the light within us that has been dim for so long. It takes time for our eyes and our hearts to adjust to the fact that we are alive, that we need the light of day to see better, and when we shut ourselves off from that light, we begin to die inside. I'm not a religious man by any means, but I've found that without hope, we are merely shells of the walking dead, and this group has helped restore my hope in learning how to live a better life. It is not easy. But, I was just like you in many ways just a short time ago, and now have come out of my shell, as you will too. I hope you keep telling us what's going on in your life. This group can actually help make a difference in your outlook and break the chains of loneliness and despair that you feel now, if you stick around.
Welcome
It truly is heartbreaking when we cut ourselves off from others, only to slip further into the grips of an addiction that will kill us in so many ways. We isolate from family, friends coworkers, neighbors, and even the postman, so that no one really sees how much our addictions are controlling our lives. Eventually our will to live even slips away, for we see life through the tainted lens of a bottle, instead of the bright light of day through which we can live. This group is all about what we can do to break out of the darkness of our addictions and walk back into the light, thus restoring the light within us that has been dim for so long. It takes time for our eyes and our hearts to adjust to the fact that we are alive, that we need the light of day to see better, and when we shut ourselves off from that light, we begin to die inside. I'm not a religious man by any means, but I've found that without hope, we are merely shells of the walking dead, and this group has helped restore my hope in learning how to live a better life. It is not easy. But, I was just like you in many ways just a short time ago, and now have come out of my shell, as you will too. I hope you keep telling us what's going on in your life. This group can actually help make a difference in your outlook and break the chains of loneliness and despair that you feel now, if you stick around.
Welcome
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: delhi, India
Posts: 2
Hi Emily, as far as I concern about your problem it is you that have created the problem and you can only rectify it. As you know that you were addicted to drinking, your health is in concern and the negative impacts of taking alcohol. It is very appreciated that you are looking to change yourself from what you have done, but in most of the cases the addicts don't want to give it up and feel irresponsible to come out of the addiction. You have a zeal in stomach to come out of the addiction, that's why you have posted the question and looking for better answers!. As you know you were the cause of these addiction then why don't you take it seriously to come out of the addiction. In my opinion it is helpful to get assisted by professional drug rehab counselor to analyze the things and don't give it up in between the treatment, you can come out of the addictions in a short period of time.
All the best!
All the best!
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi there Em!
You gotta come back to us for underlying help from "one to another". WE can't do this alone, Sweetie! We've tried! It doesn't work! Please, please.... start reaching out again! People here do care, K? PM/VM and it's OKAY!!!... esp ME!
You gotta come back to us for underlying help from "one to another". WE can't do this alone, Sweetie! We've tried! It doesn't work! Please, please.... start reaching out again! People here do care, K? PM/VM and it's OKAY!!!... esp ME!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Emily,
You are not alone with us. Many of us have been exactly where you are and we have recovered.
This is a description of powerlessness and unmanageability. I understand being shy about AA. I was too, and quite frankly, the first meeting I went to just seemed silly and I couldn't relate at all. So, I stayed drunk for a few more years, going to counseling, going to rehab, getting more and more isolated. Towards the end, I couldn't answer the phone, and would spend my time drinking alone and peering out the blinds in a room with no furniture, completely filled with panic and anxiety.
In the last chapter of AA's Big Book, it describes that lonliness.
"Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place."
If you are there, we can show you how we got out from under.
I recovered when I fully embraced and took AA's 12 steps.
You are not alone with us. Many of us have been exactly where you are and we have recovered.
Originally Posted by Emily82 
I have been through rehab, had multiple hospital visits, and lost many friends through the years because of my habit.
In the last chapter of AA's Big Book, it describes that lonliness.
"Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place."
If you are there, we can show you how we got out from under.
I recovered when I fully embraced and took AA's 12 steps.
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