UNHAPPY777

HI all it's me once again. I had a difficult day yesterday. My husband came in from work and he looked like he was out of it. I didn't say anything because from what I learning they don't hear you while they are high anyway. HIs speech was slurred, his eyes were constricted (LITTLE), and he could hardly keep his balance. He tried to stay up for a while. But, soon sat down in his recliner and started nodding off. Like I told you guy's before he has never admitted to any drug use beside alcohol. He had one beer when he came home. When he would wake up out of his NOD his eyes would just roll back in his head. Now my brother is a recovering alcoholic and I have never seen this happend to him before but everyone is different.

Fast foward this morning I told him just because he considered me to be a square don't think that I don't know what is going on. He says stop beating around the bush and making him read between the lines. I told him he was an intelligent man and he knew what I was talking about.... He then on his own said I ain't on no drugs I might be an alcoholic but, NO DRUGS. I told him aalcohol is a drug but, he's on something diffent than alcohol. I said you have drunk beer every since I've known and you have never reacted this way.

He has cold/flu symptoms when he's at home on his days off. Constantly taking NyQuil and then when he goes to work all of those symptom go away. He seem congested at times and then no one not even a BIG RIGGGG passing through the house can wake him up. The other night he spilled a whole plate of food in my recliner and didnt even realize it. He fell asleep down stairs and came up when it was time for me to go to work. When I went down the whole plate of food was in the chair. I'm wondering why he didnt pick it up when he woke up. Well I just left it there!!!!!! It was his off day. So, when I got home he tried cleaning it up but, I stained. It was salmon with a special red sauce that I make. NOw I guess we have to buy a new recliner. But that is not even my complaint right now.... I want peace but, I feel like I am turning my back on him. I KNOW it sounds dumb but, .......I guess there is no BUT!! It seems like he is a hermit. On his off days he refuses to go anywhere. He just lies around. NOw this weekend FRIDAY and SAT (his off days) He only drunk around 5- beers 12 ounces each. Now for my RAlcoholic brother that would be a snack. JUst tell me am I on the right track. What drug have you seen or heard of that causes a person to act this way.....FYI he is coming home now because of the ultimatum I gave him but, what the use if he's not productive What could it be! :wtf2


I am also going to post this on the substance abuse board

UNHAPPY777

Anvil------

I wrote this knowing that you would prob respond first. I wish I just had half the strength that you have. No this is not okay with me or acceptable. I just am so drained that I don't feel like I have the strength to defend myself anymore. I have more and more just ignored over time and I find that is how I cope. Is it right? Probably not but, it seem to ease my pain a little

BayAreaPhoenix

Turned out I was married to an opiate addict. I remember, he always had nyquil, had to go out and get some if we went somewhere for a weekend or a week. He has allergies, and tried to blame it on that, but apparently it's quite common. Then there's the flu symptoms - yep, my AH had the flu a lot for a while, I think it was when he used to only "binge" - didn't know what it was about at the time.

Whether he is or he isn't on anything else, do try to focus on the behaviors. It really doesn't matter where the behaviors come from, but I do also understand trying to get a full picture of what it is you're dealing with. Once I got the "full picture", I was able to let go of it and the light-bulb finally was able to shine through the fog of confusion, that his behaviors were unacceptable to me, whether they were organic or a result of something else.

UNHAPPY777

The nyquil thing is scary. If I take one teaspoon of nyquil then its bye bye for the night. But, it seems like he drinks the stuff. I know I just want a clear picture. But the man I knew is definately gone.....

outtolunch

Bear with me, I am on a roll here, today......

This is WBBS radio and we're playing the hits for all you co-dependents.....

"Stand-by Your Addict"

Sometimes its hard to be the strong one
Giving all your love to just one

You'll have bad times
And he'll have good times
Doing things that conflict
But if you love him, you'll forgive him
Even though he's derilict

And if you love him
Oh be proud of him
'Cause after all, he's just an addict

Stand by your addict
Give him $2 hundred to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your addict
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can

Stand by your addict
Stand by your addict
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your addict

Freedom1990

It's not a matter of defending yourself. It's a matter of making changes that will benefit your life.

You have two choices-live the rest of your life this way, or start taking steps to make those changes.

It's obvious he's not going to change.

There are resources out there to help you get the ball rolling for yourself.

UNHAPPY777

I understand........


OUT to Lunch.......Stop it!!!! LOL I'm trying to be serious. Now that poem is going to stick in my head all day!!!!


Freedom.... I know I need help because I am now the real addict and pretty soon I'm gonna need more recovery than he does.......

UNHAPPY777

The elephant analogy is great!!! What I have learned if you remember from my previous posts that he is not going anywhere unless he is forced to do soooo. Because if he found this incredible woman y not just go, if he gets this incredible high y not just go, if he doesn't want to be married anymore y not just go......


I figured out why because I am his security blanket and as one of my friend said he has tooo much to loose....... How can he continue bragging when he lost everything? FOR NOTHING!!!!!

Freedom1990

Actually I found it went much better when I left the EXAH.

UNHAPPY777

I know it would probably be better it's just a matter of stepping out on faith. My parents even said that if I let him go now there is even a possibility of reconciliation in the future and that sometimes they come back better than before. But, I have to do it knowing that there is no guarantee's

UNHAPPY777

you right!!!!! I can truly say your right

Freedom1990

You say you are his security blanket. You're obviously getting something out of the deal too, you know.

We wouldn't stay as long as we do if we weren't getting a payoff of some sort, would we?

kj3880

I used to hope and wish that the a. in my life would overdose and die. That's no way for a person to live..you have to make some type of plan to free yourself, because you're right, why would our abf leave us when we make their life so much easier than being alone with their own bills to pay and food to buy???

Love,
KJ

UNHAPPY777

Yeah, sometimes I think that evven though I could handle the bills I get scared to loose the life style or being afraid that I can't provide adequately for my children. But, i have evn told him I would rather loose everything material than to loose my self respect. Sometimes I feel sorry for my kids but, then I realize that they are stronger than I think!!!

kj3880

It doesn't sound like a good lifestyle to me...life with an a. is a poor lifestyle for most..I mean..you are UNHAPPY777! That is not a good lifestyle, my dear! What can you do to be more independent? Are there any relatives you can stay with while you build your own career?

KJ

Callie

MY ah would do things like that when he was pretty heavily into it. He actually puked all over the floor @ his moms and went back to bed. She cleaned it up. he didn't even remember it. He would fall asleep like that too. It's clear he's on something besides Alcohol. Take care of yourself.

rahsue

well, I'm thinking you should be sure your checking account and any other money you "share" is where it should be and take precautions to make sure it stays where it should be. I don't like the idea of telling you that your husband is on an opiate but boy oh boy does that sound like my son when he was on heroin. I'm sorry you have to figure this out. I know how hard it is to know something is amiss and he won't admit it. It makes you feel like you're going crazy seeing this weird behavior.

protect yourself!! if its nothing than no harm no foul. If it is than you have made a good first step.

good luck to you

hello-kitty

Leaving doesn't mean you are doing anything against your faith. It just means you are choosing not to live in a disrespectful, uncaring environment for now. Stay married as long as you want. But I'm sure God never meant you to be abused and used by your husband - or anyone. Your husband left your marriage a long time ago. He deserted you for his first love - drugs and alcohol. He's basically cheating on you with them. You are clinging to something that doesn't even really exist anymore.

He is stuck in his addiction. You are stuck in his addiction. Neither one of you will get better if you choose to stay stuck.

Callie

I agree with HK - I'd spoken with 2 ministers and both said I was absolved of the M in God's eyes. AH abandoned the M when he started using drugs, he committed "adultery" by making drugs his first love. Have you spoken with someone about this? Believe me, I fought for years to make the M better and keep it intact. I can't win against drugs - nobody can, but the addict.

UNHAPPY777

Good Morning !!!!

Kj3880- About the career thing.... I have a double masters degree in Education and Administration. I am financially able to take care of me and the kids but, I think I am just scared.


Well yesterday after my last post. I heard from him @445 and he said he was on his way home and he NEVER showed up. I said I wouldnt call his job but, of course dumb me I did. He said he couldnt taLK. I told him he could just listen. So, I said I can no longer live this way and I wanted him OUT! He said okay like usual and I said where ever you were at last night.. stay there tonight too. I told him he was a selfish a** who didnt give a damn about anyone but his self. I told him that I nor the kids deserve to be treated this way. He said well I have to go.

My question is

HOW CAN HE GET UP TO GO TO WORK? HOW DOES HE FUNCTION... IF HE HAS ENOUGH SEWNSE TO GO TO WORK THEN SHOULDNT HE HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO CALL!!!!!