Observations
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 17
Observations
On January 4th (my birthday), I tried breaking up with my XABF. I had just found out that he hid the fact that he took a sleep aid from me for four months. My trust in him was destroyed.
January 8th was the day that my XABF told me that he abuses alcohol.
On January 10th, with my encouragement, he attended his first AA meeting.
In late January, my XABF broke up with me. The next day, he said he made a mistake. We reconciled.
On February 9th, I accompanied him to an AA meeting.
On February 11th, he broke up with me over the phone. This was the last day that I allowed him to call my apartment his "home." He had to sleep at a friend's house.
February 14th was the day he finished moving out all of his belongings. That same day, I started seeing a new therapist.
On February 18th I attended my first Al-Anon meeting.
I forgave my XABF for the past on February 19th.
On March 1st, he and I started officially dating again.
On March 7th, he and I broke up for the final time.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Looking back, I dealt with an awful lot in a two month period. In early January, I was an unhealthy person in an unhealthy relationship.
I began changing the moment my XABF moved out. Some changes were immediate. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to worry about his finances, about his drinking, about any of his personal decisions. On top of that, I had an apartment all to myself with an environment for which I was entirely responsible.
Other changes came after Al-Anon and SR. My XABF noticed these changes immediately. I noticed them, too. I have become much more laid back and positive.
As I am changing, I have began to pick up things about other people that I never noticed before. For example, before our final dissolution, I noticed that my XABF is actually negative. Of course he's negative. I don't think any person with the amount of unresolved issues that he has could possibly be positive. I didn't notice it before, though, or I chose not to when I was in the middle of all of the unhealthy behaviors.
I welcome and look forward to more healthy changes. If I can accomplish as much as I have in just two months, I can't wait for what I will be able to do in a year or more.
January 8th was the day that my XABF told me that he abuses alcohol.
On January 10th, with my encouragement, he attended his first AA meeting.
In late January, my XABF broke up with me. The next day, he said he made a mistake. We reconciled.
On February 9th, I accompanied him to an AA meeting.
On February 11th, he broke up with me over the phone. This was the last day that I allowed him to call my apartment his "home." He had to sleep at a friend's house.
February 14th was the day he finished moving out all of his belongings. That same day, I started seeing a new therapist.
On February 18th I attended my first Al-Anon meeting.
I forgave my XABF for the past on February 19th.
On March 1st, he and I started officially dating again.
On March 7th, he and I broke up for the final time.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Looking back, I dealt with an awful lot in a two month period. In early January, I was an unhealthy person in an unhealthy relationship.
I began changing the moment my XABF moved out. Some changes were immediate. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to worry about his finances, about his drinking, about any of his personal decisions. On top of that, I had an apartment all to myself with an environment for which I was entirely responsible.
Other changes came after Al-Anon and SR. My XABF noticed these changes immediately. I noticed them, too. I have become much more laid back and positive.
As I am changing, I have began to pick up things about other people that I never noticed before. For example, before our final dissolution, I noticed that my XABF is actually negative. Of course he's negative. I don't think any person with the amount of unresolved issues that he has could possibly be positive. I didn't notice it before, though, or I chose not to when I was in the middle of all of the unhealthy behaviors.
I welcome and look forward to more healthy changes. If I can accomplish as much as I have in just two months, I can't wait for what I will be able to do in a year or more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
Great post! I am going through a similar experience and can totally relate. Al-Anon has changed my life. I don't care if some people in my life have called it a cult. It is the only form of help that has really changed things for me, and I have had years of therapy and medication (lol).
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