dont know were else to turn
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: belfast
Posts: 1
dont know were else to turn
with my dad now admitting his problem 10 months ago to me the day before that start of external exams in school when it was only me and him in the house, one of the worst things about it was that he had to ask me what he had said the next day, he still hasn't made any progress apart from stopping for no more than a week at a time. right now he is still in bed at 3pm me in my room only being able to think about it and my mum breaking down in the livin room. when he is on the drink he can go through and bottle of vodka in a day with bottles around the house and in the garage. the biggest worry for me at this time is that i can barely look at him or call him dad. we used to go out and do things together like fishing and taking me to cycle races but i just cant do these thing with him any more especially when he is driving, during the past 10 months i have felt alone and unable to talk to people about it but i just can not go on longer the way that i have been especially staying up every night till some ridiculous times to try and stop him from drinking when we are in bed. while he is still in his room im going to go and look for any bottles that i can find.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
dear maka-
i am sorry you are going through this. you are in a safe place here and there are many people who have the experience to help you.
i live with an alcholic also, so i very much understand them saying one thing one day and having no recollection of it the next.
there is no point in taking his bottles away from him. he'll drink anyway. you can not stop his drinking. what you can do, however, is help yourself to understand this disease and take healthy steps for your own life.
there is something very special going on here in this forum, i am sure you will soon discover that for yourself.
welcome!
marie
i am sorry you are going through this. you are in a safe place here and there are many people who have the experience to help you.
i live with an alcholic also, so i very much understand them saying one thing one day and having no recollection of it the next.
there is no point in taking his bottles away from him. he'll drink anyway. you can not stop his drinking. what you can do, however, is help yourself to understand this disease and take healthy steps for your own life.
there is something very special going on here in this forum, i am sure you will soon discover that for yourself.
welcome!
marie
"Taking the risk to blossom"
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: a little piece of heaven! Ontario Canada
Posts: 245
there is no point in taking his bottles away from him. he'll drink anyway. you can not stop his drinking. what you can do, however, is help yourself to understand this disease and take healthy steps for your own life.
Naive is so right hon. He will only get more. He is the adult here that should be taking care of you, not the other way around.
I noted you are in Belfast. I wonder if there are alanon or alateen groups there? If you google it, you should be able to find some in your area. These are groups of people who meet and share their experiences of living with someone with a drinking problem. They can be very helpful for you. While they don't focus on what the alcoholic is doing or trying to stop them, they focus on what you can do to take care of yourself. Because in the end, we are the only ones we can control.
There is a saying in alanon/alateen. You DID NOT CAUSE IT, You CANNOT CONTROL IT, and You CANNOT CURE IT. It has to be the person who is drinking that wants to stop it.
Focus on what you need to do in your young life, I know that is hard when you are living in this situation. But you have enough with exams and school and friends.
My heart goes out to you in your situation. Keep coming here and reading. There are many who know what you are going through.
Laurie
Naive is so right hon. He will only get more. He is the adult here that should be taking care of you, not the other way around.
I noted you are in Belfast. I wonder if there are alanon or alateen groups there? If you google it, you should be able to find some in your area. These are groups of people who meet and share their experiences of living with someone with a drinking problem. They can be very helpful for you. While they don't focus on what the alcoholic is doing or trying to stop them, they focus on what you can do to take care of yourself. Because in the end, we are the only ones we can control.
There is a saying in alanon/alateen. You DID NOT CAUSE IT, You CANNOT CONTROL IT, and You CANNOT CURE IT. It has to be the person who is drinking that wants to stop it.
Focus on what you need to do in your young life, I know that is hard when you are living in this situation. But you have enough with exams and school and friends.
My heart goes out to you in your situation. Keep coming here and reading. There are many who know what you are going through.
Laurie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
I am so sorry that you are living with this Maka,
but happy that you have found us here.
Whatever crazy things he is doing, however much he is drinking, however messed up he is making his life: none of this is about you, you can't change any of his choices and you've just got to let him get on with making his own crappy decisions and focus on doing whatever you need to do to have a safe and healthy life.
Harsh as that sounds, he is your dad, and you are not, IN ANY WAY, responsible for his actions, choices, past, mistakes, behaviour, feelings, inadequacies, job, relationships, money worries, stresses etc.
You don't have to go through this alone, there are, unfortunately, many, many young people, living in families affected by alcoholism, they will know how you feel, they will understand what you want. You are not crazy or alone.
Please try AL-ateen/al-anon, or a trusted teacher? or the samaritans....this isn't a secret that you have to keep, get all the help you need.
take care
xxx
but happy that you have found us here.
Whatever crazy things he is doing, however much he is drinking, however messed up he is making his life: none of this is about you, you can't change any of his choices and you've just got to let him get on with making his own crappy decisions and focus on doing whatever you need to do to have a safe and healthy life.
Harsh as that sounds, he is your dad, and you are not, IN ANY WAY, responsible for his actions, choices, past, mistakes, behaviour, feelings, inadequacies, job, relationships, money worries, stresses etc.
You don't have to go through this alone, there are, unfortunately, many, many young people, living in families affected by alcoholism, they will know how you feel, they will understand what you want. You are not crazy or alone.
Please try AL-ateen/al-anon, or a trusted teacher? or the samaritans....this isn't a secret that you have to keep, get all the help you need.
take care
xxx
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