chris11

After a particularly bad binge last night (blacked out and pulled a fire alarm, woke up in the hospital), I've decided that I'm willing to start getting serious about recovery and do anything I have to to stay sober. But I'm feeling depressed because I'm ashamed of my drinking and what I do (I was hospitalized last week as well) and somewhat anxious about my status as a student (i.e.: will I be forced into rehab type of thing). Also, I object to people telling me that I shouldn't/can't drink, which some have been doing, even though I realize it's probably true. All of these factors from last week's bender led me to drink again this weekend. I was also hospitalized twice freshman year (I'm a sophmore now) so none of this looks very good. I guess my main questions are:

1. How do I make myself feel better and how can I find anything to possibly be thankful/appreciative for after all of this?

2. What is the best way I can demonstrate to my school my committment towards staying sober? I am willing to do anything and go to any length.

I really need support right now.

December15

Hi Chris, welcome to SR. In answer to your first question you need to put together a plan for sobriety if you consider yourself an alcoholic. It's always good to see a doctor as detox can be dangerous.
As for the second question, well I guess you could print out this thread and show your school how you have reached out for help. Best of luck and keep coming back.

ANGELINA243

Have you ever been to a AA meeting? You coming here for support is a good start--lots of people here who understand/can relate to what you are dealing with. First question--do you want to stay sober? I knew I needed to quit drinking for a long time--bad things usually happened when I drank too. But only when I finally decided that I actually wanted to stop and meant it--was I able to see any lasting results. I had to go to any lengths--which meant staying away from those who drank....especially in early sobriety. I also attended meetings......some need them /others don't--you have to find what works for you>or rather--find a program that you can stick with. Recovery didn't happen overnight for me--it was a process.

Hang around here awhile. Welcome! GLad you are here.

Fubarcdn

Welcome Chris.
1. You probably won't like this but the first step is to stop drinking. I know that is not what you want to hear but before you can feel good about yourself you have to get rid of what is making you feel bad about yourself.
After you have been sober for awhile you have to forgive yourself for the things you did that are making you ashamed of yourself.
It won't be easy so you have to really want it.
2. By staying sober day by day you will demonstrate to the school and the other important people in your life that you are serious. This will take time and there is no use in trying to BS them or yourself.

If you really want to change your life you can.
Good luck

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

I highlighted that above bit, while I might not have a problem with folks telling me I shouldn't drink-a moot point today as I don't drink-I still might have a problem with people telling me I can't drink.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I can drink today, if I so choose. I choose not to.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

chris11

Good points. I have been to an AA meeting, but I was trying to moderate -- not quit -- the last time I went, about two weeks ago. I'm having a hard time on step 1: how will I know when I have accepted God and turned my life over to Him? How do I do that?

As for wanting to quit, let's say I want to want to quit. I know it would be good for me, but I miss drinking because I don't always do it recklessly so the idea of completely quitting forever kind of scares me. I kind of need a little help on that.

Anna

Hi Chris,

Since you've been in the hospital, I assume you talked to a dr about detoxing from alcohol, because that can be dangerous.

I was terribly guilt-ridden and ashamed in my early recovery and it took a very long time for me to be able to forgive myself. All I can say, is don't allow the negative feelings to drive you to drink again. You need to believe in yourself and that you can get through this. Remember, alcoholism is a disease, not a character defect.

The best way to show your school your commitment is to stay sober every day and do your work.

Anna

I think you need to want to quit more than anything else. It's hard to stop drinking and stay sober and it takes a huge commitment. I hope you are ready to make that commitment.

I am not an AA person, but AA is a good place to start. There are other recovery methods too.

sailorjohn

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. Nothing about god there.

chris11

Right, I forgot. But steps two and three seem to be based upon some connection to a higher power so even if I get past step one (I have), I'm still not sure how to do the next ones (especially three: how exactly do I turn my life over to God?).

least

To show your commitment to sobriety, do anything it takes to get and stay sober. Whether it's counseling, detox, rehab, meds - just do it. Then you can be thankful that none of the alcohol-related bad things can happen to you when you're not drinking.

Welcome to the family!:ghug3 You too can stay sober, one day at a time.

sailorjohn

Good Orderly Direction. Try that.

SeaHorse

chris..you need a sponsor to guide you thru the steps. they are not meant to be done on your own...if you read the first 164 pages of the text of AA, and get a step book, that will help too...!!

ViciousCycle

I think you are jumping ahead on a few things too......don't even think about steps two and three, just the first one. Don't worry about not drinking tomorrow or next week, just work on today..........look at where you are! A hospital yet again....these are not the actions of someone in control. Work on that first.....take care of your body, quit drinking for a bit and see how good it feels.......then start dealing with all your questions. For now, keep it simple....one thing at a time. Heal up. Come here and post. Tons of us here that have been sitting right where you are! Hugs.

Wolfchild

This seems like an appropiate time to tell you to take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. Before you consume yourself with doing all kinds of things for this reason or that reason, please just go to as many meetings as you can and just listen. It will either become apparent to you that you need more than just 'a little help' or that you really don't have a problem.

Surrender63

Sponsors:wtf2: can be helpful but I don't think everyone NEEDS one. Be careful to chose the right one.

VeXun

I wish you the very best, it gets easier and easier I promise

<3

Joeyboy

Just for today don't drink, and stay out of the liquor store and the bar. Then take a trip to the morgue and look at the victims from drunk driving and other alcohol related deaths. Sounds to me you don't hold your liquor very well. Some people just can't touch that stuff. I learned in Naranon that addiction is a physical allergy, accompanied with a mental obsession. You might just have the allergy. That's me with the opiates. 1 is too many. 10 billion of them wouldn't be enough. I don't think you need anyone to tell you that you can't drink. Sounds to me like you already know. Do the next right thing. There's alot of help out there if you want it. Good Luck to you. Joeyboy

Katie09

I'm sorry you've had to go through this. What jumps out at me is your age and the wonderful long life you can have in front of you where these mistakes will fade into the past. I guess I would start going to AA and they can always sign a slip of attendance. If you really wanted to demonstrate your committment to not drink, you could go so far as to get a sponsor and at some point when that sponsor knows you, that sponsor might be willing to even write a letter on your behalf. Hang in there, things will bet better, provided you don't drink, ok? :ghug3

Theresa

Re: How will I know that I have accepted God...?

Accepting life on its own terms is for me is a view God. Accepting this vision, that life is just as it is right now, I don't need to deny it, or change it, or fix it, or numb myself from its reality--this is accepting God. And with that acceptance, I am finding a peace that does not require my using alcohol to "enjoy" life.

Welcome!