change4penny

Hi, I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 162 days clean. My husband is out of town with his job. Yesterday I had to go and pick up his paycheck. Before getting clean, I would blow his whole check on my DOC, and not buy groceries or pay bills. Well, I spoke with him lastnight @ 8:30 and he was getting a bite to eat and said he'd call me later, but I never heard from him and I fell asleep watching t.v. He called me this morning and asked in that old accusing tone, "Where did you go lastnight?" I told him "no where" and he sounded as if he didn't believe me. Apparently, our teenage son was on the phone, and didn't click over when my husband tried to call.
It really hurt my feelings that he thought that I went and 'used', but because of my old ways, I can almost understand. So I told him, "let me put your mind at ease....had I used, you wouldn't hear from me for days if ever again!"
I just wonder...Will he ever trust me again? I'm only 162 days clean.

Fubarcdn

Looks like he needs a bit more time before he can trust you again. Just out of curiosity is he a jealous person by nature?

least

It takes a while to lost trust, and a while to gain it back. Just keep on being clean and living a healthy life and he'll come around. And son can tell him he was on the phone and ignored the 'beep' of the call waiting. You did nothing wrong so have no reason to worry. Believe in yourself!:ghug3

Congrats on your clean time!

Anna

I know it's hard to be patient, but it takes time. Be proud of yourself for your sobriety and know that your husband will see the changes in you.

Latte

The trust will come back, it just takes time.

change4penny

Fubarcdn

You asked if he's a jealous person....Yeah, I'd say that's an understatement, although he's not as bad as he once was. My husbands first concern when I went to rehab was that I would have an affair.

nocoincidence56

Hello!
We can only do what we are supposed to do. Work a program. People who know us are tired of our words.... It is actions which they they will observe and recognize as real change. We can't fall for the trap of expectation, our length of clean time, in the beginning and although meaningful to us, will quickly bring praise and trust. It won't...Again it is our actions, living our program of recovery which will earn trust and recognition...On another note though, we get a reminder of how our self-centered actions affected others by recognizing it in others, your son not answering the beep....was he to busy with "his" conversation to think of another? Just another taste of how we used to be.....Life is for living, not running from. Be grateful for what we have, not resentful of what we don't......

Aysha

I cant much more than what has been said already.
trust takes time and patience. And yes...Proven through actions that we deserve it.
I get those reactions alot myself.
Hang in there. And great job on your clean time.

Tommyh

yes he will,but it will take time,not our time,but his or God`s time and us doing the right thing.Keep doing the right thing.
I live 10 miles from Midland.....feel free to email me or pm me if I can help
best wishes
Tommy

SonofaMess

I'm sorry your hurt by what you assume he thought you were up to. I understand it can be very difficult not to get upset and worry his trust with you will never get better but this sounds like one of those times that you should just try and smile and say "it's ok because I didn't do anything wrong" . If you had a problem and it was as severe and blowing entire paychecks away these things are going to happen from time to time. it's also understandable a thought of doubt would cross his mind. But if you keep up the good work, stay clean and keep having a healthy relationship eventually things like this should eventually fade away and won't be an issue for either of you.

Fubarcdn

Perhaps he is more concerned with this than whether you are using or not. Maybe he just need reassuring that you love him and would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship. I have some irrational jealousy issues to so don't be too hard on him on the trust issue. If someone is insanely jealous that is thye way they think. Irrationally.

change4penny

Thanks for all the responses and encouraging words. I'm just gonna look at this situation as a 'test'...one that I passed. Used to, any argument was an excuse to go and use. I didn't let this effect my day today...I had a good one. The longer I am clean, the more I appreciate life and the "little things". For the first time in a long time I feel free.
I put my husband through a lot while in active addiction, so I've got to understand about the trust issues. I pray that in time he'll be able to look at me through trusting eyes. :praying