drowning in my tears... meth is ruining my life!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 2
drowning in my tears... meth is ruining my life!
Hi there, new comer here!
I am a women of 27 engaged to a wonderful man who has never used… not once…. How the hell does that work, haha? I started using meth, ecstasy, and cocaine my freshman year of high school and continued using until my junior year. I relapsed on meth at the age of 21 and I now have 6 years of sobriety. This thread really isn’t about me though, it is about my mother… 56 years old and an addict of meth for the past 5 years. Her addiction started way before my birth…however, it is not about the past but the present.
For the past 5 years her life has been consumed with sex, drugs and rock’n roll! She was once a women with more money than you could imagine. Now she is broke, on prop 36, and a felon who is losing her house. I am the youngest of three kids and I am the only one that has continued to stand by her side… The others have given up hope but I have a hard time because she is all I ever had. No father, just her. She has condemned her home because people are living in her walls… Her paranoia has taken over her life and there is no reasoning with a drug, especially METH! She has torn down walls, cut all wiring out of her house, taken apart the water heater, and I can go on… Right now I am dealing with a women who says she wants help but it is the same old story. I have taken her into my own home and she got sober but she keeps relapsing. So this time…. Well, she was up for 6 days and the cops were called because she was taking the molding off of her garage and she was arrested with possession, violation of probation, and under the influence. She called me crying “I got arrested, I want help, please honey help me!” What do I do? I have been trying for the past five years… I should say I have been enabling her the past five years! It is hard because there are times when she is sober and is making a come back so I don’t want to say “no”… I never say no. So I went to court on Monday and waiting there 13 hours because it is a waiting game. I don’t know what I was thinking but I wanted to help! I wanted to show the judge some pictures because she is endangering her self and I am afraid she is going to die… IT IS REALLY BAD! I stood up and you’re not suppose to do that and said “ please your honor she needs help”! Well long story short, he raised her bail and set another court date for Thursday. So I again went to court yesterday and waited around another 11 hours… This time my fiancé was able to come…. My mother was sitting there staring at me laughing and sticking her tongue out at us. Really, there wasn’t much the judge could do. What I did however helped, if that’s what you call it… He marked here file “high watch” put her on another prop 36 program because she just this month successfully completed her last prop 36 program. The judge has ordered her 1012 prop 36 and her mental health will be evaluated as he is trying to get her on the hardest prop 36 program. I thought I was helping because I was hoping he would send her to rehab but you can be in prop 36 up to 3 times. I don’t know… I am rambling… Bottom line… I realized when she was giving me her evil eyes that I am not helping but what do I do, walk away? I am a wreck right now! I am putting stress on my relationship and I feel that no one understands! No one in my life right now because I associate myself with people who have never used…. But I understand this is not her but the drug.!
At this point, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever dealt with…. I am told that I either walk away or figure out what I want in my life because it is tearing my new family apart. My fiancé has been by my side 100% and has helped me help her every time I ask because all he wants is for me to have that relationship with my mother I have never had. He is scared that I am never going to walk away from her…. How the hell do you do that? This is my story this week and I write this because I don’t know what else to do but sit her sick and cry because I just want my mother……
Thank you for letting me share
I am a women of 27 engaged to a wonderful man who has never used… not once…. How the hell does that work, haha? I started using meth, ecstasy, and cocaine my freshman year of high school and continued using until my junior year. I relapsed on meth at the age of 21 and I now have 6 years of sobriety. This thread really isn’t about me though, it is about my mother… 56 years old and an addict of meth for the past 5 years. Her addiction started way before my birth…however, it is not about the past but the present.
For the past 5 years her life has been consumed with sex, drugs and rock’n roll! She was once a women with more money than you could imagine. Now she is broke, on prop 36, and a felon who is losing her house. I am the youngest of three kids and I am the only one that has continued to stand by her side… The others have given up hope but I have a hard time because she is all I ever had. No father, just her. She has condemned her home because people are living in her walls… Her paranoia has taken over her life and there is no reasoning with a drug, especially METH! She has torn down walls, cut all wiring out of her house, taken apart the water heater, and I can go on… Right now I am dealing with a women who says she wants help but it is the same old story. I have taken her into my own home and she got sober but she keeps relapsing. So this time…. Well, she was up for 6 days and the cops were called because she was taking the molding off of her garage and she was arrested with possession, violation of probation, and under the influence. She called me crying “I got arrested, I want help, please honey help me!” What do I do? I have been trying for the past five years… I should say I have been enabling her the past five years! It is hard because there are times when she is sober and is making a come back so I don’t want to say “no”… I never say no. So I went to court on Monday and waiting there 13 hours because it is a waiting game. I don’t know what I was thinking but I wanted to help! I wanted to show the judge some pictures because she is endangering her self and I am afraid she is going to die… IT IS REALLY BAD! I stood up and you’re not suppose to do that and said “ please your honor she needs help”! Well long story short, he raised her bail and set another court date for Thursday. So I again went to court yesterday and waited around another 11 hours… This time my fiancé was able to come…. My mother was sitting there staring at me laughing and sticking her tongue out at us. Really, there wasn’t much the judge could do. What I did however helped, if that’s what you call it… He marked here file “high watch” put her on another prop 36 program because she just this month successfully completed her last prop 36 program. The judge has ordered her 1012 prop 36 and her mental health will be evaluated as he is trying to get her on the hardest prop 36 program. I thought I was helping because I was hoping he would send her to rehab but you can be in prop 36 up to 3 times. I don’t know… I am rambling… Bottom line… I realized when she was giving me her evil eyes that I am not helping but what do I do, walk away? I am a wreck right now! I am putting stress on my relationship and I feel that no one understands! No one in my life right now because I associate myself with people who have never used…. But I understand this is not her but the drug.!
At this point, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever dealt with…. I am told that I either walk away or figure out what I want in my life because it is tearing my new family apart. My fiancé has been by my side 100% and has helped me help her every time I ask because all he wants is for me to have that relationship with my mother I have never had. He is scared that I am never going to walk away from her…. How the hell do you do that? This is my story this week and I write this because I don’t know what else to do but sit her sick and cry because I just want my mother……
Thank you for letting me share
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((((orchid))))) I have no advice, I'm afraid. My family is plagued with meth addiction too. It's a horrible, horrible drug.
Please stick around. And do read the Friends and Family of Substance Users forums. You are not alone! The main thing first, is take care of yourself.
Love,
Lenina
Please stick around. And do read the Friends and Family of Substance Users forums. You are not alone! The main thing first, is take care of yourself.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by orchidchild 
At this point, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever dealt with…. I am told that I either walk away or figure out what I want in my life because it is tearing my new family apart.
I think you know what you have to do, my thoughts go out to you.
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Orchidchild, Welcome to SR. I posted a bit of an announcement on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum asking them to welcome and support you. If you would like to "copy and paste" your post over in that forum, you will read about and get support from people who have gone through exactly what you are experiencing.
Hugs to you, and congratulations on your sobriety!!!
HG
Hugs to you, and congratulations on your sobriety!!!
HG
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, orchidchild.
I am sorry about your mother, but glad you found us here. There is a forum here called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers where you may want to take a read and also introduce yourself there too. There are many there who have been where you are and who would like to meet and welcome you to SoberRecovery.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hugs
I am sorry about your mother, but glad you found us here. There is a forum here called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers where you may want to take a read and also introduce yourself there too. There are many there who have been where you are and who would like to meet and welcome you to SoberRecovery.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hugs
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hey there,
I hope you check out the link Ann gave you, someone already made a thread over there for you.
Meth was my doc. I wish there was an easy answer for you.
My best advice would be to tell her you love her but you have
to walk away. She has to lose things in order to want to change.
She will not quit meth until she hates it more than she loves it,
and she needs reasons to hate it. As long as it is working for her,
she will still use it. That was my experience anyway.
When I loved that drug, nothing could stop me from doing it,
not even the thought of death. I just loved it to much, I didn't
get it. It did not scare me. It scares me more now than anything.
It is a powerful drug. Best thing you can do for her and for yourself
is to walk away, and get yourself some help.
I am glad you found us, you will find tons of support here..
:ghug2
I hope you check out the link Ann gave you, someone already made a thread over there for you.
Meth was my doc. I wish there was an easy answer for you.
My best advice would be to tell her you love her but you have
to walk away. She has to lose things in order to want to change.
She will not quit meth until she hates it more than she loves it,
and she needs reasons to hate it. As long as it is working for her,
she will still use it. That was my experience anyway.
When I loved that drug, nothing could stop me from doing it,
not even the thought of death. I just loved it to much, I didn't
get it. It did not scare me. It scares me more now than anything.
It is a powerful drug. Best thing you can do for her and for yourself
is to walk away, and get yourself some help.
I am glad you found us, you will find tons of support here..
:ghug2
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Orchid, welcome. Alot of support is here waiting for you.
Take care of yourself and your sobriety- your well being is at stake here. I know it has to be very rough watching your mother go down this path, but she will only get clean when she is ready to.
Please check out the family and friends section as well.
Peace to you.
Take care of yourself and your sobriety- your well being is at stake here. I know it has to be very rough watching your mother go down this path, but she will only get clean when she is ready to.
Please check out the family and friends section as well.
Peace to you.
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