tinypeach

dont know if i even want sobriety
do i? i dont know. i think i do. but i change my mind every time i drink.
the worst thing is that at 18 (and only just, within a a month) people expect me to be dead in a few years. and alcoholic forever, if i even live. my boyfriend thinks i will die within a year, 2 if i'm lucky (not all to do with drinking alone, my recklessness tooo....) people at my old high school, which i only just graduated from, put bets on who would 'amount to nothing' and who would die first. i won every one of those stupid bets, apparently. i'm not sure i physically can go a day without drinking. how do you do it? seriously, i dont know?
i feel as if i would literally die without it. i dont know how you live? how do you?
is it better, not drinking? does it help?
because right now i'm a wreck
and if not drinking stops that, then i'lltry. but i dont know that it will
sorry if this is not allowed or something. i always feel like im breaking rules. if i am im so sorry, truly. fuclk. ,

Samsonsworld

How do you do it? One day at a time. One 'just say no' at a time. Is it easy? Heck no. Is it worth it? Try to think long term. Marriage, family, career, other goals, retirement, grandkids, health. You could give up an aweful LOT for alcohol.

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

First question. None of us can answer that one.
Second question. I just live. That one is a little harder answer. But there is life after alcohol, you will have to trust me on that one.
Third question: Very easy, life is so much better.

flutter

Do you want it? I can't answer that.. but by what you're saying, I'm really not even sure.
How do I do it? I don't drink.. I see a counselor. I follow through on the committment I made to myself and people I love that I wont drink, and I haven't.
Does it help? For me personally, I can't imagine living any other way than sober, it's amazing.. it's fabulous.. it's hard, but it's real, and I'm experiencing every minute moment of it with a clear head, and building memories. Yes, for me it helps to live this way, I wasn't living at all when I was drinking.

Welcome !

tinypeach

thank you. so much. i'll think about these replies, long and hard. and think about whats best for me. really i will. thankyou.

Mariposa18

Welcome to SR =) I can't answer those questions for you, but I can tell you what's worked for me. I realized that no matter how much I was hurting, alcohol didn't make it go away. It numbed me temporarily then the pain came back ten fold. No matter how much fun I thought I was having, thinking back I don't see how vomiting and hangovers are any fun. My suggestion, sit down and write the times you drink, why you drink, what are you feeling at the time? A lot of this is learning to deal with the emotions as much as not drinking.

I hope that helps and that you stick around~There is a lot of information here and you will learn a lot, plus get a lot of support.

Take Care~

SoberforME

Do you want a full life and one that you can be proud of? It doesn't sound like drinking is giving you those things.

If you can get to an AA meeting and just get a big book and read it. There have been lots of 18 year old alcoholics that have come back from the 'dead' to make something of themselves. I'm not saying you have to do AA, but I am saying that it'll make a world of difference to know you are not some big freak of nature that doesn't deserve anything.

It's only cool to die when you're 20 in movies.


And come to SR and really read about alcoholism and see where you want to go.

Quse56

I remember my first try at sobriety... I was in my early 20's and it was wonderful. I found faith, a real life, and people who loved me for who and what I was. I found home. Then I relapsed and it all went away. Getting it back has been the hardest thing ever. My advice to you? GIVE UP. Give up yuor current way of life, give yourself whole-heartedly into AA and you will find a life full of promise and love. Then PLEASE DONT LOOK BACK. It's not better out there, and you cant hold onto the glory of life that sobriety provides if you go back out and drink. You'll learn who you are, and you'll learn to love it. Grab onto this program with both hands, and LIVE the way God intended us to live. You will find purpose and you will be an inspiration to those you help.

serenityqueen

I sure can relate to how you are feeling, but at 18, mine was drugs. I put myself into treatment for the first time 4 months after my 18th Birthday. I was supposed to be enjoying my first few months out of high school, "finding myself," discovering what I wanted to do with my life when all I could think about was using.

I was looking for an instant fix. I thought if I just stopped using, that everything else would automatically fall into place. I think many of us get discouraged when we stop drinking/using and things don't change for the better right away. Abstaining is only the beginning. I had to find and address the issues that caused me to turn to drugs and alcohol before I could begin to focus on healing the old wounds.

Have you been to any AA Meetings? There are quite a few different ones . . . newcomers and young people's Meetings (23 and under in my corner of the world) I hope you will begin to get clean and sober and into Recovery and not waste 25 years of trying to do things your way like I did.

You asked if things are really better, HELL YEAH!!!!The obsession is gone, no more lying, stealing, cheating, feeling ashamed, embarressed, trying to keep track of which lie I told to who & honestly just discovering who I am, what I like and dislike. I have so much gratitude for the people in AA/NA who helped me along the way by sharing their experience, strength and hope. Stick with the winners!

I hope you will continue to keep posting and sharing as much as you are comfortable with and welcome to our SR Family. You can always PM me if you like.

God Bless & remember, One Day at A Time,
Judy

firestorm090

Alcohol is the greatest thief I've ever known. It steals everything, and fools you while it is happening, so in that respect it even steals your trust that it will work for you this time. It never works. I speak of alcohol as if it is alive and well, not just a beverage to drink, because to me, once I drink it, I become a different person, so in effect it lives through me. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm not the same person sober as I am drunk.

Is it worth it to give up alcohol? ABSOLUTELY!! I am beginning to feel like I've just met myself, after thirty years of of being disconnected from myself, and for the most part, my life. I have a new day today, which is much better than the old hungover days that I thought were just the way life was. Funny thing I've learned, if I don't drink, I don't have hangovers. Imagine that? Geez, I'm a slow learner at times.

Whether we're 18 or 50 (geez, how did I live this long, lol) the time to give up booze is when we are ready to change ourselves, thereby changing our lives. I wish I had stopped when I was 18.

robc

You are still so young and have so many amazing years ahead of you. I am guessing that because of your age that your body will be in a better shape to handle not drinking. It seems the older I get, the worse the withdrawals get. Give it a shot and see how you feel. See if you can go 7 days with out drinking and see how it feels. You will probably really like the way you feel.

least

It is hard to stop drinking. Many people need the help of medical detox, rehab, or support groups like AA, Smart, Women for Sobriety, Rational Recovery. It would be a good idea to talk to your doctor about quitting. Alcohol detox can be dangerous.

Yes, your life will be better sober. No more hangovers, no guilt, no shame, no dangers of dying from the drinking, no accidents. A whole lot of bad stuff that won't happen if you're sober. It's hard to give it up, I had six months sober and relapsed recently and now am back on the wagon. I wish I were 18 again so I could better my life while I still had so many years ahead of me.

Welcome to the family!:ghug3

Bard

Hmm...well I might sound a bit on the negative side here so I hope you don't take this the wrong way and thinking I'm being a d**k. But for me I live by the philosophy of you have got to want it. In my times of being on and off the wagon before I thought I wanted it, in fact I KNEW I wanted it, but yet I kept finding myself going back to drinking. I hated drinking but yet I couldn't seem to stop it. But then I realized why, other then the obvious answer of being an alcoholic. There was still this part of me that loved it, at least those fun warm fuzzy memories of drinking up with friends, family, and at parties. I couldn't seem to let go of that time and I was forever chasing the past when it was still "harmless good clean fun"

But in the long run all the negatives started building up and outweighing the positives. Those good old days as I referred to them were what I see now as a big waste of time that was the road that lead me to where I was. I had my head stuck in the past as the world of today kept going by. And I saw myself either being some lonely old drunk or in a early grave if I didn't change my ways around. Now I hate all things drinking related, not that I want to be some sort of crusader who believes we should bring back prohibition. But I hate what it's done to my life and the lives of those I cared about. I even lost a Brother because of it. I have no love of drinking, no more fond memories of it. AND I WANT SOBRIETY! And I believe, in my humble opinion anyway, if you don't fully want it, you're not going to have it. You can't be 50/50 on it, or 99%. You have to want it 100%. You have to realize that this is no simple walk in the park and accept anything that may come with it, no more running and hiding from your emotions or chasing after old memories of the past. Want it, strive for it, and take it! And if you're not ready I only hope you can make it back here again one day when you are fully ready to do it!

four812

it's a very difficult thing to stop the drinking at a young age when everything you've been taught is that happiness comes from things outside of you.

it's hard to let go of the ride that your friends are also on....

sometimes i wonder what my life could be like now if i had stopped drinking, AND stopped looking for happiness in a drink, drug, girlfriend, or new stuff. I could have been more....

you can change and you can do it now....

the flip side is that perhaps it is helpful to not have 30 years of drinkiing under your belt and all of the mental and physical damage, and the greater strength of "habit" that gets reinforced every time you drink

good luck

BKP

One day at a time, it is a hardship for us all

backporchpoet

I started drinking at 20. Actually made it through my first year of college sober before I gave into the party scene.

Now I'm 25, and sober for a month.

It's tough being young when the entire social scene tends to revolve around alcohol. But it's definitely worth it. I can tell you that.

I went out last night to my girlfriend's show at the House of Blues. A bunch of our friends were drinking and I watched them progressively get more and more drunk. One of them left with a guy she was all over....another one was making stupid comments.....and for once, I just sat back and thought..."Wow, that's not me for a change."

It is possible to go out and have a great sober time. And the feeling of getting home safely, waking up clear minded, recalling everything you did and said the night before...it's all worth it.

What began as a simple party scene for me turned into a lifestyle revolving around alcohol.

If you decide being sober can benefit you, getting help at a young age is the right thing to do.

As you continue to read through this board, you will find people who have hit rock bottom, lost significant others, been arrested, and have become a slave to their addiction.

You are young and you have the chance many people wish they had: fixing their lives before they lost so many years of it to addiction.

When you are ready for help, everyone here will be behind you 100%.

Anna

Hi TinyPeach,

You don't have to be what people labelled you to be, in High School. You can choose to be and do whatever you want.

I hope you choose to live a sober life. Many of us couldn't have imagined life without alcohol, but here we are.

Latte

It's worth it to me. My husband is sitting here next to me watching reruns of NCIS and my two awesome kids will be home in a few minutes from school. Today I am here for all of it. I have no idea what today holds but I get to experience all of it and it's amazing. Every day is a new challenge and I get to face it clean and sober. I have more than I ever imagined.

Do I still have problems? Oh yes. None of them can be fixed by drinking or using today though and I wouldn't want them to be. I want to fix them if I am supposed to, clean and sober.

problemchild

Sounds like you go to excess in your drinking. I wish i would have even contemplated quiting at your age . I have suffered much due to my drinking , my advice Quit, the only reason i say this is because you have questioned it?

Take care,
John,

johnsin

wow. girl. i started out drinking, marijuana, hash, lsd, cocain, well, actually anything. should i go on? ok pcp, mescaline, heroin, physilicybin, stp, angel dust (pcp), well you get the idea. i am now 57 and obviosuly am hangin in. many aren't so lucky. i almost feel God is keeping me alive because he has a plan. Now I have an alcohol addiction which is consuming me. my recomendation would be that you are young enough to where the physical adiction hasn't got a foot hold. time is on your side. use time and quit now before it gets worse. what we need is focus. Christianity really works, as well as all the wonderful help and encouragement you get here. you need to fixus on life, (career and love). don't let the drugs/alcohol slave you.