I just need to VENT!!!!

Old 03-06-2009, 05:49 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kittycat1164's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lexington, Ky USA
Posts: 44
I just need to VENT!!!!

I go to court today to see about maintenance (KY's form of alimony). He took 70 percent of the joint income with him when he left in August so the girls and I are struggling. WAAAAYY struggling. Anyway, my attorney gets a fax yesterday stating they're objecting to the motion. He says he can't afford any more than he's paying in child support, that I'm he cause of the financial problems, and that I could earn extra money, and that it's a shame I have to be disrespectful to the father of our children when the reality is there is not enough money.



What the hell is the disrespectful crap? What's with that? I have NEVER slammed him to the girls. I have done NOTHING like that. He always kept the bills at work, WE never had a real budget. All he ever did was say I was spending too much for groceries or for the girls' school clothes or whatever they needed (" I only have 2 pairs of jeans why do they need more than me?") And yet, I'd see him go to the bar every day, I see him buy 12 packs daily. I did not buy myself anything, it was always stuff the girls needed. He had money for what HE deemed important, and always said it was MY fault we were broke. I had to "charge" the stuff I got for the kids, he had the cash and the availability to see what I was spending. I never could see what all he spent. God I hate the way alcoholics rationalize. The disrespect thing bugs the crap out of me. I have made it a point to tell the girls their father has a disease, that what he is doing and going through is the alcohol NOT who he really is, and this is what I get. Me, disrespect him? And going to strip clubs and meeting up with strippers and texting strippers, that's not disrespectful to me? Neither of the girls want to spend time with him anymore. Maybe he thinks that's my fault. It's not. I've tried not to sway them one way or another, I go out of my way to NOT say anything about him in front of them. And this is what I get? WTF????????????

<< stepping down of my podium now, I can breathe again, thank you for my moment of rage >>
kittycat1164 is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 06:01 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Curled up in a good book...
 
bookwyrm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Oh, I can empathise with you!

From my AH's behaviours I have deduced that you just cannot expect an active alcoholic to be reasonable. I have to take that into account when I'm forced to deal with him. All I can do is leave it to the lawyers to deal with, it is what they're paid for. Hope your lawyers work well for you!
bookwyrm is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 06:54 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Hopefully you can get past that anger, and to the stage of acceptance-acceptance that you can't expect anything in the way of normal behavior and attitudes from him.

:ghug :ghug
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 01:28 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kittycat1164's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lexington, Ky USA
Posts: 44
Angry no go...

Nope, no maintenence for me. He was drunk in court and no one could tell... judge says to we should file bankruptcy.....
kittycat1164 is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 02:28 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
would write a letter to the judge saying exactly what you did to us, let him know that there is a problem with the boozin
good luck
WLDKATZ is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 05:15 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jadmack25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Not the first time I have known of this happening. What gives with a judge who is supposed to be able to make a decision based on what evidence he has before him, if he CAN'T SEE when a man before him is drunk? No wonder the statues of Justice have her blindfolded.
Sorry you and your girls are at the rear of it again, but hope there is some way of getting through to boneheaded judges, what the truth is and get your fair share of help.
Jadmack25 is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 06:37 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by kittycat1164 View Post
Nope, no maintenence for me. He was drunk in court and no one could tell... judge says to we should file bankruptcy.....
Well that's unfortunate. I guess fight it if at all possible. ANd in the meantime, assume this is what you will ahve going forward and figure out how to make life better. Perhaps filing for bankruptcy would help you. Check it out with a bankruptcy attorney. It's not the end of the world to go thru it. I did and came out fine.

Figure out how to improve your financial situation. I know the job market sucks right now, but work on your resume and start looking. What other ways can you find to earn money? Can you qualify for assistance of any sort? Food stamps, etc are there for folks like you who need it.

I hope you find some ways to improve your situation.
Barbara52 is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 01:26 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Curled up in a good book...
 
bookwyrm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
That's bad. What are your options now? :ghug2
bookwyrm is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 02:13 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kittycat1164's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lexington, Ky USA
Posts: 44
Smile

Well, after I had a nice little pity party, I said the hell with it. I have my full time job, and I started today a part time at WalMart. (Even though every liberal democratic bone in my body HATES the thought of working at WalMart but... LOL) The only thing I've nervous about is I can't push myself too hard. I have a seizure disorder that has been under control since 2002. I had surgery that year to remove the part of my brain that was triggering the seizures, so since then I've been great. If I get over-tired, or too stressed, I may start the cycle over. (Seizures cause scar tissue, scar tissue causes seizures and more scar tissue etc) But so far so good. I'll be working my FT job 7-3:30 and my part time 5-9. It won't be every night of the week, just 3 or 4 and weekends. I'll still be able to get to bed at a decent hour and see my girls if we coordinate everything right. My ma is worried sick ( even though she's 80- and I'm 46 ) she's worried that I'll start seizing again, but I gotta do what I gotta do and deal with it. I'll be as careful as I can and up my meds to balance the stress and work. The minute I decided to kick STBXAH out I called my doc and upped my dose then before things got too emotional for me. So I am staying alittle ahead of that at least. And yes, Barabara, I hope that chapter 7 will be just what I need to do. I just hope I can keep the house and my car. Just like in City Slickers. I hope it will be my "do over" in life. Thank you for listening to me and thank you for UNDERSTANDING what I'm feeling. Thanks
kittycat1164 is offline  
Old 03-11-2009, 07:00 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kittycat1164's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lexington, Ky USA
Posts: 44
Uuuggghhhhh

Does anyone know if I file chapter 7 can I keep the house and car?
kittycat1164 is offline  
Old 03-11-2009, 08:23 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
ItsmeAlice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
If it's any help, I filed Chap 7 under the new rules and was able to keep my used car. There are exemptions for personal items everything from household goods to larger assets like vehicles. There are monitary limits of course to what you can keep check the book value on your vehicle. The court will want that info. Legal aid told me that the court prefers to not get involved with liquidating "yard sale" items. It's large assets that can be liquidated (stocks, second homes, extra vehicles etc). The goal is not to put you on the street with no way to get to work to support yourself.
I do know of people who have been through Chap 7 under the old rules and kept their homes, but I have no idea what the new rules say on it.

Please do go online and get all the free info that's available to you and also call your local legal aid office for more answers.

So many of us have been right where you are. Hang in there!

Alice
ItsmeAlice is offline  
Old 03-11-2009, 08:40 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kittycat1164's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lexington, Ky USA
Posts: 44
Thanks Alice. God, I'm tired of it all. just so tired of not being happy...
kittycat1164 is offline  
Old 03-11-2009, 09:13 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
ItsmeAlice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh kitty I know that feeling!

I was wondering this morning what let the wind out of my sails. I've been exercising and eating well and reaching out to friends for support, but I realized that I'm just wore out with being sad. The feeling builds up on me slowly until its all I feel no matter what positive things I focus on.

All I can do is be patient with myself and not take on too much at one time because I can easily become overwhelmed when I'm like this.

This will pass for both us. Keep moving forward and you'll find the light at the end of the tunnel. It's there for both of us. I have that faith.

Alice
ItsmeAlice is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:30 AM.