Glenna9802

...included how I am weak and ignorant, not to mention a child abuser because I give our daughter time-outs. He stood over me for over an hour rambling and pointing his finger at me, yet he was shrinking in my eyes and I told him that.

I'm not staying here. I have no place to go, but my child and I are not living like this anymore. I will stay in a hotel if I have to. Anyplace where there is Internet is fine so I can work.

That's all. Thanks.

CatsPajamas

((( glenna )))

We each find that moment when we've had enough. When we realize that nothing we say or do is going to make him quit doing what he's doing. I remember the rages and the horrible fear that came over me... and then finally that peace as I realized that I could make changes in my life and I wouldn't live like that anymore.

I am a visual person, and the one that really helped me during the transition was this from the end of the Wizard of Oz:

I realized that my ex was NOT the Great and Powerful Oz, but rather just a small and sad man behind a curtain. It was all smoke and mirrors, something to boost his really sick and sad ego.

My children and I deserved better. I wasn't strong enough to make some of the changes for myself, but I found the strength to make changes for my sons.

Hugs. It isn't easy, but I promise there is light and life on the other side.

Rebecca4

You stand up for yourself and don't let him bully you.
If he thinks that's child abuse, what about his actions? Drunk and threatening behaviour near a child. I know which I think is worse.
I agree, go check into a hotel if you have to. You would get a bit of peace and quiet and your bed made every morning!!!

B
xxxx

catlovermi

You can't change him, but you can change you!

Many people here have made that leap of faith and are in a much better place for doing it. We're here to support you!

CLMI

Glenna9802

Thank you, I need as much support as I can get

Freedom1990

I agree! My EXAH used to do that-standing over me and bullying me. That was always the precursor to the beatings.

You take good care of yourself and your child, Glenna. We're all standing behind you here at SR! :ghug :ghug

Luka3

Glenna,

Please find a way to keep you and your child safe. Verbal and psychological abuse is insidious in its ability to drag us down, wipe away any self-esteem we may have left and if tolerated too long can actually make it harder to leave (because we internalize it and feel so bad about ourselves). Don't let happen to you!!

As I've said before about my own situation - you don't want to go down with the alcoholic ship. He's obviously threatened by your attempts at recovery and has chosed to belittle and control you. BE STRONG - YOU DESERVE BETTER.

tallulah

Glenna.. :ghug

just know... I am thinking of you..

timetogo

Hi Glenna -- I'm sorry you're in this situation -- it is so difficult. My husband has been gone for almost two weeks (we have been "separated" for a couple of months) and I can't tell you how much better I'm beginning to feel. I look different, I act different. I'm excited about possibilities that I HAVE control over. Do I miss him? yes. Do I wish it could have been different? for many years now. Was it going to change? nothing changes if nothing changes.

It has helped me to focus on the blessings that I have in my life. My daughters, my job, a vehicle that runs, family and friends, SR. It will work out for you if you continue to work your program and have faith in your HP.

You, and your child, deserve a beautiful life filled with everything life has to offer. Be strong -- it's hard but it is so worth it.

thinking of you
Laurie

Barbara52

You can do this Glenna!

LaTeeDa

Not only that, but you are wearing the ruby slippers. (((((Glenna)))))

L

blessed4x

((((Glenna)))).....If I remember correctly your past coping mechanism was to drink with him (hope I don't have you confused with someone else), and I just want to applaud you for all the progress you have made. I will be thinking about you as you take this huge step. Take care of you.

Catspajamas.....Thanks for the visual about oz. I've been thinking alot about the thread on narcissism and that helps me put a picture to it. It fits my AH to a T as well.

Bernadette

Good luck Glenna-
One Day, One Moment, At A Time!
(((((((hugs)))))))
peace,
b

GiveLove

((((Glenna)))

I know how hard this is. Keep on the right path, one small step at a time.

Consider leaving the room or the house if he does that again. There's no reason you should have to sit and take abuse.

mle-sober

Huh?

Glenna, no one can stand over you for an hour and berate you like that without you sitting there and taking it.

I am not being sarcastic here but, I mean, were you tied up?

Am I being terribly insensitive here? Am I missing part of the picture? Why would you stay in the presence of such abuse? Why would you physically remain subserviant to someone standing over you and yelling at you?

I'm probably going to have to apologize for this post for my misunderstanding the nature of your situation. So, just know I'm already sorry. I don't in any way mean to belittle your struggle and the progress you've made. I just don't understand. And I hope I'm not offending.

Glenna9802

MLE--it's okay, I understand your question. It has been my nature to take these verbal assaults whenever they come. I was in my pajamas trying to go to sleep when this particular one took place. The baby was sound asleep, and we had no place to go. So eventually I just fell asleep to the sounds of him quacking.

I know it makes no sense. None of this does. But it has to stop.

Done_With_It

It does make perfect sense, you don't need to explain yourself.
Until someone has walked in your shoes, they may not
be able to understand.


Maybe that was the safest thing for her at the time.

If it were just "that easy" there would be NO abuse issuses ever most likely..


Seriously.....





Glenna as most of the others said, you take good care of yourself and your child, we'll be thinking of you..

:ghug

Glenna9802

I would leave today if I had more than a dollar in my bank account. I have a place to go, but don't expect them to feed us and pay for the baby's milk. Also, the place I will be staying is not 100% drama free, as it's my husband's ex-wife's house with her boyfriend and AH's daughter, but it's right next to where I go for meetings and closer to where my boys live.

I'm going to have to bide my time and bite my tongue until possibly Monday when I get some cash. My BFF is a domestic violence counselor and wants me to go today, but I just don't see how that's possible.

FlwrofFrgttng

:ghug

mle-sober

I'm glad you are recognizing that it has to stop. It's so toxic for both you and the baby. I don't know how you do it. One single episode of that would make me run for the door. Okay - maybe that's a lie. My husband physically assaulted me on 2 occassions. (Once he tried to strangle me and a second time he pulled me out of the bath and dragged me down the hall and threw me into our room. I had bruises on my arms and back.) I stayed. I just drank more the next day.

The truth was - I was such an integral part of the equation that had brought us to that place. I didn't feel like I could hold him accountable without holding myself accountable also. And that would mean I had to admit I was an alcoholic, that my life was out of control, and that I needed help. I wasn't ready to do that.

Until it got so bad that one day I was.

My changes required that my husband change. He had to either leave or adjust. I feel very grateful that he chose to adjust. And we are in counseling now, still sorting it out over 1 year later.

I'm really glad you are here at SR.