ironchef85

Hi,
I'm new to this but I needed help dealing with a friends relapse. Last night I picked her up with other friends to hang out and she was acting strange, I assumed she had been smoking pot. However, when we got to our destination she acted distant and without warning got up left and went to a Korean Restaurant next door. Several minutes later I followed her in and she was drinking Saki. She looked at me and said she had all ready drank 3 beers prior to me picking her up. At this point in time I chose to say nothing, I figured that it would be pointless to say anything since she was all ready drunk. So I sat and watched her eat for the next 30 minutes and all of my friends joined us. She then told us that she would not be going home with us and that she was meeting a guy, who was not her boyfriend (a soldier leaving for Afghanistan in a month). As much as I wanted to insist that she come home with us, I decided to let her make her own decision. (It is important to note that she was raped two months ago while drunk, which was what led her to admit she had a drinking problem and get help.) I feel guilty still about her rape since that night she too was with me prior to her assault, but I figured she is an adult and I can not force her to be safe. She has all ready suffered great consequences for her actions, I don't know what else there is to show her she has a problem. She insists that AAA is not the right environment for her and she can do it on her own. Her boyfriend the soldier is a bad influence as well since he is also suffering from alcoholism (she recognizes this he doesn't). She had several relapses with him there but I was not present for them and she told me after the fact. I'm just so worried about her and not sure what to do, I want her to be safe and healthy. We are meeting after work tonight, what should I say to her?

Barbara52

I would suggest to her that she get into counseling to deal with the rape trauma if she has not already done so.

Other than that, do you think she is unaware that she is drinking again after saying she knows she has a drinking problem? Of course not!

It is indeed her choice to drink or to get sober. You cannot do a thing to bring her sobriety about. Only she can choose to do that.

You can decide to enforce boundaries and not enable her drinking. For example, you can say I cannot be around you if you choose to drink.

drained22

wow, this sounds 99% like my ex best friend..you aren't in the NYC area are you?

if she is anything like the girl I know, she is lying to you with her drinking. her drinking before your arrival is normal among alcoholics but her being a female is quite another beast. my friend got raped to but it was before I met her and it slipped out but she got very upset when I tried to talk to her about it.

I'm warning you now, they tend to be very manipulative, destructive liars.. my best friend is narcisisstic so be warned.

The last I heard from her is she said she stopped drinking but never did. there is nothing I could say or love her enough for her to change..