lovtolaff

OH. MY. GOD. Do you know what this was like for me to witness? Especially the first few times it happened....I was speechless and didn't know what in the world was happening...my x did ALL of those things and so many more insane behaviors.

Is there anyway to explain what all of that is about? Any way to help me understand at all? Maybe it's pointless to ask, but for some reason - reading that paragraph touched a nerve in me.

Part of me is pi$$ed to no end that he exposed me to images that I had never seen and honestly never really wanted to see. Images that were real and later on images that I would conjure up from the little that I did know and drive myself insane with!! Does that make sense? I don't know..these past couple of days, I've felt an anger that won't let go and I find myself thinking about all of the "wrong" he did to me and how could I have let it go on for 2 years??

Sorry for the ramble but I needed to get it out there.

Freedom1990

Obviously I'm not Anvilhead, but I can attest firsthand that drug-induced paranoia is some pretty insane behavior.

My ex did those things too. He kept a loaded 12 gauge behind the front door.

There were times I was so strung out I would see someone walk across the room that wasn't there.

It's insanity.

hello-kitty

I'm not anvilhead either but I've seen some really scarey stuff when I was using crack and I can tell you that when an addict does this it's because he's HIGH. It's about the drugs and its effects the neurotransmitters in your brain. You don't want it to happen but you know it's going to. In your dementia, you use more drugs to try to make it go away. You get stuck chasing the high, and the tweek is just a side effect - you wish you didn't act all freaky but you do and that's ok because you hope the next hit will be better and make it all go away.

It's very real for the addict. If he says he's hearing voices. Believe it. And he believes whatever voices or visions he's hearing. That's why the paranoia is so dangerous. Because an addict really believes that the psychosis is real. Stay far away from a person who is tweeking. They are dangerous. And you can't help. It's just about the drugs. It's like paranoid schitzophrenia. The tweek is real for the addict. And dangerous for anyone who gets in the way. In a sick kind of way, the tweek is part of the fun of the high. An addict knows that he is going to tweek when he uses. But he does it anyway. Because of the high.

It's all about the dope. And anyone standing in the way of an addict and his dope is foolishly putting themselves in dangerous.

I'm sure Anvilhead will concure...

lovtolaff

Hello-kitty -

The x would TWEEK big time! Oh my....I can remember one night after he had done coke (and actually admitted it) he followed me around like some kind of crazy person just "chatter chatter chatter" - and after the crack use - he would become so paranoid that sometimes I would get paranoid!! The blinds, the flicking on and off of the light switch, pulling the covers off of the bed like he was looking for something, but the # one way I could tell even without all of that...was the look he had in his eyes when he was high. I knew it the second I looked into them. I can't even describe it.

Thank you all for posting!!

outtolunch

This is pretty much as my daughter described the people she knew who got into crack and why she preferred the oblivion heroin, provided her.

I guess she did not see what I saw when she was desperate for a fix.

jan123

Mine never did that. Maybe mentioned that the police were driving around our building but never saw much paranoia. He did have a major fear of the police. Would drive me to the bus in the morning and take the forever long route around town. Wonder what that meant?
I guess I had a healthier addict than all of you guys! Just kidding! Please tell me exactly what does "tweak " mean. This is an honest question, I don't know what that means.

Jan

lovtolaff

Tweek Verb. A side effect of extreme over indulgence in crystal meth or crack cocaine. Tweekers typically perform OCD-like activities centered around finding small quantities of drugs that were inadvertently "misplaced". Tweekers may be seen on all fours, searching in gutters, obsessively looking under various objects and so on. In certain circumstances, extreme tweeking resembles autism or catatonia.

lovtolaff

For me - when he was "tweeking" he was a paranoid mess. Couldn't sit still for nothing, chatter chatter chatter, checking the doors/locks/windows/blinds, checking the bed/under the bed/beside the bed, etc. etc. PURE INSANITY!

I guess I just don't "get" wanting to "feel" that way every single time you get high. I hated it when he was on crack...he was a total waste of space when using. No rationalizing, no reasoning - just crazy behaviors.

canuhearme1

It's hard to understand what makes an addict "want to feel that way".

Warning: Have you ever had a friend that had a habit of twirling their hair, nail biting, lip biting or something like that? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to pick up their habit? Don't spend another minute thinking about what made him want to feel that way, there is no answer. In my opinion, addiction can be contagious and the quickest way to catch it is thinking about it too much.

lovtolaff

Boy that's an understatement of the year huh? Yes it is icky...and sometimes when I think back to some of those weird a$$ behaviors that X would show - I just cringe. Yuck.

Anvilhead - good for you for REALIZING that it is indeed icky and yucky - and I pray with all my heart that you NEVER fall victim to it again. I think your eyes have been opened - something my X never seemed able to do. He just couldn't feel/see the "icky-ness/yucky-ness" of crack.

Strength and power to you Anvil!!

k1a2t3h4r5y6n7

I don't think they want to feel that way. I think they kind of forget or downplay the bad feelings. My A used to tell me after doing coke that he hated the way he felt. While on it, and after. He would say how much he hated it and how he didn't like doing it, didn't want to do it... but then, a week later.....

I kind of think of it as when I buy a pack of cookies and I think "it's just a small box, I'm only going to eat one every now and then when I really get a sweet tooth." then, as soon as I get home i HAVE to eat just one. then, 15 minutes later its "just one more." then before you know it, you've rationalized yourself into eating the whole box and you feel HORRIBLE about yourself and you're bloated and you never want to see a cookie again for the rest of your life, but the next week you go to the grocery store and come home with a box of cookies again...

hello-kitty

The cookies is a great example. You convince yourself you'll have just one. But you can't have just one. You eat the whole pack. You hate yourself for doing it. You feel fat and bloated. But then the next time you see cookies, you buy them and go through the whole routine again.

k1a2t3h4r5y6n7

(thanks for letting me know i'm not the only one who does that.)

Chino

An old roommate of mine was always a little out there anyway, but years later she went over the edge. She moved to Cali and took up meth. She and another tweeker were constantly fighting over a guy. The old roomie tried to burn down the other woman's home and failed... that time. The next time she succeeded and the other woman died in the fire. The old roomie is in for life now with no chance of parole.

MrsMagoo

Whoa!! She burned her friend up on a fire???

Welcome back "Canuhearme"!!

Chino

The two women were rivals over a drifter and that's how it ended. My old roommate was also convicted for three counts of attempted premeditated murder because other people were in the house. The woman I knew way back when never would have done something like that, but she did. She's appealing her sentence.

I don't understand the 'canuhearme' thing?