I Just Don't Know
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: London England
Posts: 38
I Just Don't Know
Guys
I am getting freaked out, today was weird, day 8 sober and I am buzzing round feeling so happy and suddenly think this is not real.
I do feel better than I did when I was drinking heavily but I don’t really feel great. I am faking this. Look at me I’m not drinking this is wonderful, I go to meetings, I am becoming more spiritual life is so bloody brilliant.
Firstly I don’t get spirituality, I am talking to God, we chat, I thank him for stopping me getting drunk, I ask him to keep me sober, I tell him what I am grateful for and there is loads of stuff.
Secondly I love not being smashed out of my brains but to say I love being sober, I just don’t know.
Sorry I am trying to be positive about this but I just want a few drinks with my mates chill out and be normal again. I am an alcoholic and I can’t do that and now I am resenting myself.
Anyway just needed it off my chest. Clear head tomorrow.
Xym
I am getting freaked out, today was weird, day 8 sober and I am buzzing round feeling so happy and suddenly think this is not real.
I do feel better than I did when I was drinking heavily but I don’t really feel great. I am faking this. Look at me I’m not drinking this is wonderful, I go to meetings, I am becoming more spiritual life is so bloody brilliant.
Firstly I don’t get spirituality, I am talking to God, we chat, I thank him for stopping me getting drunk, I ask him to keep me sober, I tell him what I am grateful for and there is loads of stuff.
Secondly I love not being smashed out of my brains but to say I love being sober, I just don’t know.
Sorry I am trying to be positive about this but I just want a few drinks with my mates chill out and be normal again. I am an alcoholic and I can’t do that and now I am resenting myself.
Anyway just needed it off my chest. Clear head tomorrow.
Xym
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,035
One of our sayings in AA..... "fake it 'til ya make it". Hang in there and abstain from drinking until you "get it".
Keep talking to God, you're doing great. Remember that God will always answer your prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it's no, most of the time it's let me show you something better.
Love sobriety? It took me a long time to reach that point, but now I can't see living any other way. I had to reach that point of wanting it more than anything, because the alternative was constant misery and possible death.
Be gentle on yourself and give it time, stick with it and the rewards are endless. If it wasn't worth it, I wouldn't have stuck with it for this long.
Keep talking to God, you're doing great. Remember that God will always answer your prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it's no, most of the time it's let me show you something better.
Love sobriety? It took me a long time to reach that point, but now I can't see living any other way. I had to reach that point of wanting it more than anything, because the alternative was constant misery and possible death.
Be gentle on yourself and give it time, stick with it and the rewards are endless. If it wasn't worth it, I wouldn't have stuck with it for this long.
vicieux extraordinaire
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 205
Hey Xym, how are you doing today mate? Hope you are feeling much better about your sobriety.
I saw your thread yesterday and i wanted to reply. But the phone rang like crazy and someone was at the door. It was a very good friend of mine that came to drop off payment for one of my many jobs ("thanks whatever power for this break of money, yes!") and he wanted us to go out to grab a bite. Another friend joined the party and we went to a place nearby where i used to do some drinking. We hung around, cracked stupid jokes as usual, discussed women, all over a couple of pizza slices and drenched in Sprite. Both of them are occasional drinkers and we could have chose having some beers and they would handle it pretty well, but I personally knew that i could not manage.
I still got a chance to hang around with them without the bottle.
So, i don´t really buy in when people say "you won´t be able to stop after the first drink" as a rule of thumb, why? because that was something i had to find out by myself! It became a law in my universe. Sad but true. Last time i was doing well, with 21 days under my belt, and i said "Ok H. Let´s start slow. 6 pack of Heineken for the night". Went and bought it and started right after i finished some stuff on the computer. I clearly remember each of those bottles, but i can honestly say that the other 5-6 days were almost a blur! i mean, i just began drinking day and night again without even acknowledgment ! it was like breathing to me. So, in my experience, i already know that once i start i cannot stop! So ask yourself - can i stop after the first drink?
On the other hand, i don´t believe in happiness in sobriety, i mean ad hoc. Happiness comes attached to many other things. What sobriety does it let´s you work through the misery, the pain and the problems and reach some sort of happiness, or different states of joy: it gives you a real grip on what is going on in your life and let´s you deal with it. It does not provide that "illusion of safety" that alcohol does and of course it fails to deliver. It gives you an even clearer head to accept life with all it´s b*llsh*t and all its wonderful things. Living is hard enough and sometimes you cannot afford to make it even harder on purpose, you know?
So do what you will mate, just a little bit of ranting. We came here almost simultaneously, and you have been doing great. I will never say that you should repent or be ashamed if you fall from the grace of god (great Pogues album btw) but you can consider not drinking for the night and call it the day when you feel that way. Just follow that empty feeling of "not drinking sucks" and it will somehow became into a "hey, i am sober and it is great!"
All the strength for you and hope you come back with more updates!
I saw your thread yesterday and i wanted to reply. But the phone rang like crazy and someone was at the door. It was a very good friend of mine that came to drop off payment for one of my many jobs ("thanks whatever power for this break of money, yes!") and he wanted us to go out to grab a bite. Another friend joined the party and we went to a place nearby where i used to do some drinking. We hung around, cracked stupid jokes as usual, discussed women, all over a couple of pizza slices and drenched in Sprite. Both of them are occasional drinkers and we could have chose having some beers and they would handle it pretty well, but I personally knew that i could not manage.
I still got a chance to hang around with them without the bottle.
So, i don´t really buy in when people say "you won´t be able to stop after the first drink" as a rule of thumb, why? because that was something i had to find out by myself! It became a law in my universe. Sad but true. Last time i was doing well, with 21 days under my belt, and i said "Ok H. Let´s start slow. 6 pack of Heineken for the night". Went and bought it and started right after i finished some stuff on the computer. I clearly remember each of those bottles, but i can honestly say that the other 5-6 days were almost a blur! i mean, i just began drinking day and night again without even acknowledgment ! it was like breathing to me. So, in my experience, i already know that once i start i cannot stop! So ask yourself - can i stop after the first drink?
On the other hand, i don´t believe in happiness in sobriety, i mean ad hoc. Happiness comes attached to many other things. What sobriety does it let´s you work through the misery, the pain and the problems and reach some sort of happiness, or different states of joy: it gives you a real grip on what is going on in your life and let´s you deal with it. It does not provide that "illusion of safety" that alcohol does and of course it fails to deliver. It gives you an even clearer head to accept life with all it´s b*llsh*t and all its wonderful things. Living is hard enough and sometimes you cannot afford to make it even harder on purpose, you know?
So do what you will mate, just a little bit of ranting. We came here almost simultaneously, and you have been doing great. I will never say that you should repent or be ashamed if you fall from the grace of god (great Pogues album btw) but you can consider not drinking for the night and call it the day when you feel that way. Just follow that empty feeling of "not drinking sucks" and it will somehow became into a "hey, i am sober and it is great!"
All the strength for you and hope you come back with more updates!
Last edited by AlkalikeH; 03-05-2009 at 06:12 AM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Some great feedback there mate.....congratulations on your sobriety.
Sobriety for me took a while to feel comfortable..
Felt like i was wearing my socks in the shower for a while..lol
It does get easier.....really it does..
Leaning on god at times like this will see you through...
Try to remember where alcohol took you......was it really "a few drinks with yer mates to chill".........i doubt it my friend.
Have you tried AA?...........................trucker
Sobriety for me took a while to feel comfortable..
Felt like i was wearing my socks in the shower for a while..lol
It does get easier.....really it does..
Leaning on god at times like this will see you through...
Try to remember where alcohol took you......was it really "a few drinks with yer mates to chill".........i doubt it my friend.
Have you tried AA?...........................trucker
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