How can I forget a phone number?

Old 03-04-2009, 07:05 AM
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How can I forget a phone number?

I'll apologise in advance for what might seem like a silly plea for help but any ideas would really be appreciated.

For those that know my story you'll probably figure out why I need to do this!!

Anyhow......Myself & Baby Bearfeet have been doing very well (& will have internet access at home too soon so will be less sporadic here Yay!!!) I have began my Cognitive Behavioural Counselling today which was quite tearful but I'm sure it's going to help and I've been doing well on my No-contact so far this week.

Trouble is there have been and I know there will be countless times where briefly I cave and go to text or phone him. I have removed all numbers of his family/mutual friends from my phone but have a huge problem.......

I can remember his, I know it off by heart. it's not terribly memorable but because I kept deleting him from my phone I had it written down and kept inputting it manually so it stuck.

Does anyone have any good ideas on how to unstick it? I was wondering if I spent an hour just typing incorrect versions of it would it muddle my memory?

I know this might sound stupid and trite compared to some problems and I apologise if it does but it's the one thing that's holding me back. I just don't want to know it when I know I'll cave in, I want to be strang all the time but I have to accept that I'm not!

If anyone can help........................


xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 03-04-2009, 07:13 AM
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That's a toughie. I think only time will get that number out of your head and even that is not guaranteed.. it's amazing how some information just sticks there.

Rather than look at it like you need to erase the number from your mind, maybe look at what you can do in those moments of weakness to stop you dialling or sending a text?

Is there anyone who you can call to talk when you feel the urge to contact him? Could you come on here instead and maybe post? Or write everything you want to say down in a journal?

It's hard. :ghug
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Old 03-04-2009, 07:45 AM
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I have succesfully 'talked myself out of it' in the past but I know it's only a matter of time and I'll hate myself afterwards. I'm wondering if i can bar it somehow through my phone company????

x
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Old 03-04-2009, 07:51 AM
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Originally Posted by bearfeet View Post
I have succesfully 'talked myself out of it' in the past but I know it's only a matter of time and I'll hate myself afterwards. I'm wondering if i can bar it somehow through my phone company????

x
It's worth a try.. Give them a call and see..

But there are always ways you can contact him if the urge takes you over and you don't quell it. Like an A.. they will find a way to get their fix.. and if you tried hard you could get your fix too.

When I get an urge to talk to my A and to engage with him in a way I know will only cause me hurt, I do something else instead until the 'craving' goes. I open up my laptop and just pour it all out to a blank word document. Is there anything you can do when that feeling comes?
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Old 03-04-2009, 08:03 AM
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It's usually at specific times like as soon as I walk out to get my lunch or in the evening when baby is in bed and it's just me and the empty house, of course the first sniff of alcohol on the rare occasion I actually drink and I have to have my friends take my phone off me!

I just know that if I had no access it would pass and i would eventually be distracted into doing something else.

I know I'll be so proud for doing it the hard way but if there was a way to forget it I know it'd be easier......
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Old 03-04-2009, 08:56 AM
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I think trying to forget the phone number in order to avoid the urge to call is doing it backwards. We remember things because they are important to us. Working on the urge to call, making the number less important, is the first step. If you do that, you will find over time the number will fade from memory.

L
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Old 03-04-2009, 09:11 AM
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I think you have to work on figuring out why it is so important that you want to call him.
What do you get from calling him, and find other things that are more important than calling him.

I was in the same boat as Anvil my doc was Meth and my dealers number was engrained in my brain. I couldn't remember my middle name, where I put my keys, or what I was even doing, but any time of the day I could remember his number, and as soon as I started to forget it, out of the blue it would pop up out of the blue, in a bill, on a piece of paper, he'd call, whatever.

I think just like an addict it just, best thing to do for yourself is work it out, figure out what is going on inside of us,
lol, I had forgotten it that number but writing this post, it just now popped into my head, iit's been over three years since I've called him.
In the end we have to learn to make better choices for ourselves if we want a better a life. Otherwise if I had "Just forgotten it" who knows what my decision may be.

Just my opinion and/or what worked for me.

Good luck to you with whatever ends up working!!

:ghug
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:55 AM
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I had a similar issue with an ex, and I simply saved his # in my phone saved under the "name" entered as "DO NOT call this a#*hole" it seemed to help that I'd see that "name" if I went to dial in a moment of weakness...just a thought!
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:33 AM
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Ha! I love milenafk's suggestion above!

I have to say, though, that I think forgetting the actual number isn't important. I haven't spoken to my ex since...August? His number is still in my phone, with his actual name. (I leave it there so that I won't accidentally answer a phone call from him.) But the desire to call him, text him, talk to him, is dead.

Just give yourself some time. It takes a while.
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:42 AM
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How about wearing a rubberband on your wrist and everythime you get that urge to call, pop yourself with it.

I remember that hot cast iron frying pan I use each day. DO NOT TOUCH IT WHEN HOT OR I WILL GET BURNED. My X is just like that hot pan.

Also, what does calling him get you? What is your payback?
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:04 PM
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Milena, that's funny.

Bearfeet, I studied education and over the years and I was particularly interested in how we learn languages (I love language learning). As I learned about how we acquire our native language, and then a second language, I learned what we need to do in order to remember words, grammar, idiomatic expressions. As adults, foreign languages are filled with stuff that doesn't make sense to us because they can be completely different from our native, so there's nothing to associate anything with. (For example, in Russian, there is no verb "to be" in the present tense. You you'd say "I cold". You just have to do it, even if it doesn't make sense to an English speaker.)

The way you learn a language, or anything, is to consistently have it before you. Not just physically, but mentally. When I learned new words, I'd think of them throughout the day, put them in sentences, recognize relating objects and said the word in my head. This review was re-in...I forgot the word. I seldom use it these days. You see, it's gone. It'll bother me for the rest of the day and it'll come.

Our memory works that way, too. If we don't use words on a regular basis, they kind of fade away into the back part of our memory, so when you're looking for that word you know exists, it's on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite remember it...Most likely because you haven't used it much lately! Using the word is reinforcing it. That's the word!

Well, while words fade away because you were not consciously thinking of them, a phone number that you're thinking consciously of trying to forget it, is tricky. I'd stop myself in the middle of reciting it in my mind; so as soon as you start to think of it, sing a song, get up and say out loud, "I wonder what's on TV" or something that will completely distract you, and snap you out of it. Since it's a thought, and it can happen in a split second, you have to react quickly. Even if it's just "Nope, I'm not saying the rest of it. Let's go over what books I've read in 2008." Something that'll take brain power.

Remember Pavlov's dog? Well, we are creatures of habit and we are easily conditioned to associate things with things. So, if you condition your mind to stop saying the rest of it once you think of the area code, then you can eventually turn that into a subconscious exercise that automatically happens. You don't have to mention what you're doing to anyone, since - the more you bring it up, the more it's in front of you!

Anthony Robbins talks about doing something to break a pattern. So, when a client is talking about something difficult and starts crying, he'll throw a glass of water on him/her. Or he'll start to whistle. He'll get them to feel shocked or to laugh. The mallot idea is a cute visual. I've tried creating a rule of having to eat a pint of ice cream every time I wanted to do something, I don't remember what it was (see, I forgot it! LOL). Also calling a designated person who could empower you by brining to the forefront the reasons you are no longer with him! (Just hearing the person's voice can be an eventual association with how bad he was, you don't even have to talk about it - I've got that going with my best friend - she feels so strongly about my situation, that I don't even have to bring my ABF up! I hear her voice, and know I'm great, smart, and all the other adjectives that's she's used to describe me over the years. Hearing her voice means I deserve more in a relationship!) This afternoon, during a weak moment, while my ABF was in the shower, I pulled out a notebook I'd been using to have a "Me and my Fake Therapist" Q&A discussion in, and reviewed the questions my fake therapist asked, and the answers I'd written. Why I felt like my ABF and I didn't belong together, the things he'd done that hurt my feelings, his responses to my statements about my hurt feelings, why I feel responsible for his wellfare, etc. I felt stronger about our abrupt conversation before he walked out, and I didn't ask him when he was coming back for a change or appear needy and frightened about his "abandoning me". Having an Anchor, I think Robbins calls it, will help you change your focus from that one thing, to another. The more empowering it is, the better.

So, it takes a lot of work, but I think it's worth it since we become more attached to addicts than we realize.

As for your desire to call him - you can change your number, burn the phone, not have a cell - but it won't take away the attachment to calling him means to you. I'm paying off my credit cards. Unfortunately, as the season come and go, there are crazy sales calling my name! The strength doesn't come from the stores closing their doors or avoiding my email, or walking down the street. The strength comes from facing it and saying "NO, it's not right for me."

When you can do that, you'll be so free. I'm almost there!

Good luck. I hope my comments will help you!

~(Almost)ReadyToMoveOn
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Old 03-06-2009, 12:40 AM
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Thank you all, and thanks Readytohelp. I've not given in so far and all of your suggestions are brilliant, I'll certainly give them a try.

x
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:04 AM
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I have exactly the same problem...

This is so ridiculous i know, but his, my scorpion's, is the only number i've ever managed to remember and it's not saved in my phone, at low moments i just text him, even subconsciously, i feel terrible afterwards, i soooo want to forget this number... desperate to in fact...love xxx
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:50 AM
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Time to...

a) Start your own thread and introduce yourself!

b) Put the damn phone away in a drawer...give it to a friend for safe-keeping...

c) Surround yourself with loved ones, get involved in other activities to break the pattern, and...

d) Go to Al-Anon
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:20 AM
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nodaybut2day, good advice that I agree with. Al-Anon can be a life saver and will give you tools you need to work your recovery and begin to heal.

When you have the urge to call or text you don't have to say no, try saying why instead. Be honest and think about all the reasons you are not together. That worked for me although sometimes I had to force my self not to call and tell her what I thought, but that's a different issue.

Your friend,
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:31 AM
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This is going to sound crazy but make a deal with yourself first!

A dear friend of mine gave me the following tip after I got dumped/broke off a relationship.

Here is the deal I made with myself. I wrote down my first and last name 500 times and then said every time "I deserve the best". If I was going to get to 500 times written I was allowed to call him if I still wanted too.

Don't know why, but I never got to 500.
Ps. This might back fire. I remember said dear friend once calling me. She had used her own advice and was already at 600. Thats's when she called me. This would be suggestion number 2. Call your friend!
The number will fade. It will. I promise.
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:38 PM
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To nodaybut2day

Hello, thanks for your reply earlier, i'll introduce myself...Elena, 36, Spanish and English teacher, and i live in France...got a 7 year old boy and since i separated have had a year and half on and off relationship with the wrong guy, wrong in every way, and my drinking has got a bit out of control and unmanageable at times... i still have an ok job and lead 'a normal life' to friends, family etc but i feel i'm at breaking point and my so called 'normal life' may end soon...got these thoughts about ending it all, but when i think about my boy...i just can't, gotta get going somehow, thanks for your advice and for caring, love x
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Old 06-19-2020, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by bearfeet View Post
I'll apologise in advance for what might seem like a silly plea for help but any ideas would really be appreciated.

For those that know my story you'll probably figure out why I need to do this!!

Anyhow......Myself & Baby Bearfeet have been doing very well (& will have internet access at home too soon so will be less sporadic here Yay!!!) I have began my Cognitive Behavioural Counselling today which was quite tearful but I'm sure it's going to help and I've been doing well on my No-contact so far this week.

Trouble is there have been and I know there will be countless times where briefly I cave and go to text or phone him. I have removed all numbers of his family/mutual friends from my phone but have a huge problem.......

I can remember his, I know it off by heart. it's not terribly memorable but because I kept deleting him from my phone I had it written down and kept inputting it manually so it stuck.

Does anyone have any good ideas on how to unstick it? I was wondering if I spent an hour just typing incorrect versions of it would it muddle my memory?

I know this might sound stupid and trite compared to some problems and I apologise if it does but it's the one thing that's holding me back. I just don't want to know it when I know I'll cave in, I want to be strang all the time but I have to accept that I'm not!

If anyone can help........................


xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I know the feeling. It's like it's tattooed into my brain, my heart, MY SOUL. Heaven help us
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Old 06-19-2020, 04:05 PM
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I know the feeling. It's like it's tattooed into my brain, my heart, MY SOUL. Heaven help us
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