I know I should be doing it.. so why is it so difficult..

Old 03-04-2009, 05:52 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
I know I should be doing it.. so why is it so difficult..

I'm procrastinating.

I should be packing my stuff.. carrying on with getting things in place to leave.. sorting out job, place to stay etc. So I'm not.

I started and have just hit a block. I'm standing still. I am at a loss as to why tbh. It's like my head knows what I have to do but the rest of me is just not doing it. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not feel guilty that I am finding this hard, or pathetic that I'm just not forging ahead.

Is my guilt at not getting things done masking another emotion? Yeah it probably is. I'm probably masking sadness and resignation.

Arrgghhh this is hard.
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:24 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
cmc
Member
 
cmc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Moving or any other major change can be both exciting and stressful. My stress alert signals can go off when things are rosy or grim- when that happens I've learned to be gentle with myself much like I would respond to a friend in the same situation.

Is my guilt at not getting things done masking another emotion? Yeah it probably is. I'm probably masking sadness and resignation.
Most of the time my emotions are telling me something about myself that I need to pay attention to but sometimes they are just fleeting thoughts and soon pass. Something that helps me when I'm overwhelmed or procrastinating is to take just a few small sure steps toward the task; instead of placing demands on myself that I'm just not ready for.

It sounds like you have a good idea of how/why and what is going on with yourself and that awareness is a gift not everyone has or takes advantage of. Take care.
cmc is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:27 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
One of my favorite things used to be picking stuff apart. I'd ask why over and over and over.

My sponsor always nailed me on that one and said it wasn't the 'why' that was important, but rather 'what am I going to do about it at this moment'. I could figure out the why later if it was that important (which it usually ended up not being).

I saw a phrase here recently at SR that really struck me-analysis paralysis. That is exactly what I used to do!

As long as I was in my head trying to analyze things, I didn't have to take action!

I understand it's not easy. There are a lot of things in life that are not easy, and have nothing to do with alcoholism either!

:ghug :ghug
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:34 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by cmc View Post
Moving or any other major change can be both exciting and stressful. My stress alert signals can go off when things are rosy or grim- when that happens I've learned to be gentle with myself much like I would respond to a friend in the same situation.



Most of the time my emotions are telling me something about myself that I need to pay attention to but sometimes they are just fleeting thoughts and soon pass. Something that helps me when I'm overwhelmed or procrastinating is to take just a few small sure steps toward the task; instead of placing demands on myself that I'm just not ready for.

It sounds like you have a good idea of how/why and what is going on with yourself and that awareness is a gift not everyone has or takes advantage of. Take care.

Thank you.. I lost sight of 'baby steps'.. easy to give that advice to others but sometimes a little harder to follow yourself.. lol

I'm focussing on the big picture and not seeing the little steps that'll get me to the end.. you are absolutely right. I promised myself I'd be gentle with me during this and I'm not. I'm being hard on me. I'm expecting something to be done in 5 minutes that took me two or three months to do when I moved in with him.
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:36 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
One of my favorite things used to be picking stuff apart. I'd ask why over and over and over.

My sponsor always nailed me on that one and said it wasn't the 'why' that was important, but rather 'what am I going to do about it at this moment'. I could figure out the why later if it was that important (which it usually ended up not being).

I saw a phrase here recently at SR that really struck me-analysis paralysis. That is exactly what I used to do!

As long as I was in my head trying to analyze things, I didn't have to take action!

I understand it's not easy. There are a lot of things in life that are not easy, and have nothing to do with alcoholism either!

:ghug :ghug
Oh that was just what I needed.. thank you. :ghug

You are absolutely right. While I'm in my head stressing about progressing I'm at a standstill.
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:51 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Analysis paralysis.......been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt!

Thank you Freedom, not a day goes by that I don't learn something here!
blessed4x is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:55 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaTeeDa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I learned about baby steps when I had babies, lol. I was a SAHM for 3 years when my daughter was little. I used to get so frustrated about keeping the house clean because my previous method was just concentrate and get it done. You can't do that with a little one around. My 'to do' lists said 'clean the bathroom,' 'clean the kitchen,' 'do the laundry,' etc. And I never got anything checked off! So, eventually I learned to break it down into 5 or 10 minute tasks that I could get done in between the needs of a small child.

My lists then said things like 'clean the toilet,' 'fold one load of laundry,' 'dust the dresser,' etc. It worked so much better. I still didn't have a completely clean house--ever, lol. But, I got things done and, best of all, I got the sense of accomplishment of checking things off my list!

L
LaTeeDa is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 06:59 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
I learned about baby steps when I had babies, lol. I was a SAHM for 3 years when my daughter was little. I used to get so frustrated about keeping the house clean because my previous method was just concentrate and get it done. You can't do that with a little one around. My 'to do' lists said 'clean the bathroom,' 'clean the kitchen,' 'do the laundry,' etc. And I never got anything checked off! So, eventually I learned to break it down into 5 or 10 minute tasks that I could get done in between the needs of a small child.

My lists then said things like 'clean the toilet,' 'fold one load of laundry,' 'dust the dresser,' etc. It worked so much better. I still didn't have a completely clean house--ever, lol. But, I got things done and, best of all, I got the sense of accomplishment of checking things off my list!

L
I've written a list... Well I say a list it's more like a life overhaul on paper..

I need to cut it down into bite size chunks.. thank you for the advice.. :ghug
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 08:35 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
Hey Lady!! Anxiety will stop me in my tracks EVERY TIME!!!! I'm trying to learn how to be "quiet" with myself during those anxious times during the day until it passes.

I'm learning that if I stop and listen, I will know what to do and when to do it without hesitation. It's a struggle for me, because I whip myself with the "have to's" on a regular basis and put myself on alert (which causes the "fight or flight" and tons of anxiety).

I just try to have faith in HP that things will get done when they are supposed to--don't want to jump ahead of the plan
Glenna9802 is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 08:47 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Glenna9802 View Post
Hey Lady!! Anxiety will stop me in my tracks EVERY TIME!!!! I'm trying to learn how to be "quiet" with myself during those anxious times during the day until it passes.

I'm learning that if I stop and listen, I will know what to do and when to do it without hesitation. It's a struggle for me, because I whip myself with the "have to's" on a regular basis and put myself on alert (which causes the "fight or flight" and tons of anxiety).

I just try to have faith in HP that things will get done when they are supposed to--don't want to jump ahead of the plan
Hi 'recovery twin'..

I'm feeling a bit better about it now. Still haven't done anything (lol) but I've made an appointment with myself to do a little bit in about an hour for an hour. Tomorrow I'm going to get up and tackle a little bit more. I'm overwhelmed is what I am: and I've done that to myself and that is probably what really hurts.
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 08:54 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
OMG---you're right!! We are recovery twins!! LMAO--how cool!!

I have spent my whole life being overwhelmed, and it's my own fault, like you said. It is smart of you to set aside that hour and not try to tackle everything at once. I have this Just For Today bookmark that says something about how you can do something for the moment that would seem appalling if you had to keep it up for 12 hours. I have to wrap my mind around that one on a daily basis.

I'm not glad about your particular situation, but I am grateful for you.
Glenna9802 is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 09:08 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Glenna9802 View Post
OMG---you're right!! We are recovery twins!! LMAO--how cool!!

I have spent my whole life being overwhelmed, and it's my own fault, like you said. It is smart of you to set aside that hour and not try to tackle everything at once. I have this Just For Today bookmark that says something about how you can do something for the moment that would seem appalling if you had to keep it up for 12 hours. I have to wrap my mind around that one on a daily basis.

I'm not glad about your particular situation, but I am grateful for you.
Oh that's a good quote.

My desire to get out of the house and away from my A (the ex) is probably what is ironically messing with my head. And you know, and this is even more crazy than thinking I am superwoman and I can sort this out with a click of the fingers, is some of my thinking like that because I don't want to be an inconvenience to him! Lordy.. lol

And, I'm grateful for you.. :ghug3
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 09:20 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I think you're doing more than you give yourself credit for. Remember - you packed an emergency suitcase and took it out? That's a baby step right there. Check.

What's another tiny, tiny one you could cross off your list today?

We're happy to help you break your list down into baby steps, btw. It's a great group activity for a gang of people who love to analyze things to death LOL

:ghug3
GiveLove is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 10:37 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by GiveLove View Post
I think you're doing more than you give yourself credit for. Remember - you packed an emergency suitcase and took it out? That's a baby step right there. Check.

What's another tiny, tiny one you could cross off your list today?

We're happy to help you break your list down into baby steps, btw. It's a great group activity for a gang of people who love to analyze things to death LOL

:ghug3
I did didn't I. I packed a suitcase. I have a couple of things to sort out with my car and I did that Monday.. I have to do something in order to facilitate that but I've now put that on the list for tomorrow and as a priority (can't go anywhere unless my car thing is done).

I've just packed some things into some vacuum storage bags and tonight I'm going to make a little list of specific things to do and get a good nights sleep. So that's more positives.

Thank you for your offer to help break it down for me.. you may live to regret that... lol :ghug
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 10:48 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
I saw a phrase here recently at SR that really struck me-analysis paralysis. That is exactly what I used to do!

As long as I was in my head trying to analyze things, I didn't have to take action!
Oh man. Last night I was talking to my counselor and I told him that as long as I'm still gathering information, I am okay. But when it comes to using that information I'm going to have a problem. Sounds like I'm heading towards a case of analysis paralysis myself!!!
justtired is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 10:58 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by tallulah View Post
Thank you for your offer to help break it down for me.. you may live to regret that... lol :ghug
Not likely! Remember: helping OTHER people is what we're good at LOL
GiveLove is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 02:52 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
LOL

Hi tallulah I am too leaving my apartment. Staying with a coworker while I find a suitable place just for me.

I am confused because I want to be near my workplace, but its all drowned in bad memories, all this area.

During weekends I would LOVE to go out my apartment and see other part of the city that has no memories of him at all. Driving more may be worth it don't you think. Although "friends" tell me that I should act as if he does not exist. Not sure what to do, not really over triggers yet And also, for early meetings, I can join them from home.. I used to live in Mex city so half an hour or an hour drive means nothing.. LOL

Anyhow, I am moving out, and also feel emotionally overwhelmed. I just pack one bag and take it to my coworkers'. It is strange seeing less and less stuff. This coworker is the one that introduced my eX to me, spent time with us when we were together, and SHE is a trigger as well. What is NOT a trigger?????? DAMN!! LOL but there was no one else

I will be doing that the rest of the week and being gentle. It does not have to be done right away. Little steps. Easy does it!

I feel overwhelmed because I was destroyed when I arrived there, just coming out from my ExAH's home. After 5 months my progress has been very slow but steady. Letting go of that place is also somehow symbolic, because there I cried a lot and spent probably the WORST STAGE EVER so knowing there is a small place for me out there, where I can begin again is refreshing but I am afraid of it.

LET GO, WOMAN! Is what i repeat to myself over and over. BE A MAN!! lol

Hugs!!!!! We will make it... you'll see... how can you make it more comfortable for you? For me, I listen chill out music and remember all the good times when I have moved out and met wonderful people and had the time of my life. It can happen again. I CAN be happy again. Its just a matter of time and effort.. but you'll see... we are free and own our destinies !!!!!
TakingCharge999 is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 09:53 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Thank you for your post Dreamer.. I'm sorry you are going through this but grateful I am not alone.

Well... it's 5:47 a.m here.. I've been awake for an hour. I just woke up suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed and full of angst. Nothing specific, just scared and feeling very small.

I've read a little. Cried alot. Feeling my feelings..
tallulah is offline  
Old 03-04-2009, 11:55 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi tallulah,

Its OK.
Its natural to be scared. I am glad you are releasing your feelings. Do not keep anything inside tallulah. Its a tough time, but breathe, this too shall pass. You are a new tallulah in the making

How is your relation going on with your HP? I have been asking for what I need. I asked and keep asking him to take harmful people away from me, and "magically" they have been erasing themselves from my life. I asked for clarity and I got clarity.

I am asking for a safe silent place where I can relax and meditate, do yoga and recover faster. Maybe you can ask for what you want as well? Ask for peace, strength, a good job, a nice place to live, anything you need. It will be given in abundance.

Do not feel alone, because you aren't. We care very much, I'm sure you have good friends and family that wants to see you happy, radiant, rebuilding a new life and your own self. You won't just be OK, you will do GREAT !! You just have to go through the thick of the forest for now...
TakingCharge999 is offline  
Old 03-05-2009, 04:24 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Dreamer999 View Post
Hi tallulah,

Its OK.
Its natural to be scared. I am glad you are releasing your feelings. Do not keep anything inside tallulah. Its a tough time, but breathe, this too shall pass. You are a new tallulah in the making

How is your relation going on with your HP? I have been asking for what I need. I asked and keep asking him to take harmful people away from me, and "magically" they have been erasing themselves from my life. I asked for clarity and I got clarity.

I am asking for a safe silent place where I can relax and meditate, do yoga and recover faster. Maybe you can ask for what you want as well? Ask for peace, strength, a good job, a nice place to live, anything you need. It will be given in abundance.

Do not feel alone, because you aren't. We care very much, I'm sure you have good friends and family that wants to see you happy, radiant, rebuilding a new life and your own self. You won't just be OK, you will do GREAT !! You just have to go through the thick of the forest for now...
Awww thank you for your reply... :ghug3

HP is difficult for me, in the sense that I have a problem 'visualising' it. I knew if there was any step I would find challenging then it would be step 2...lol.

I was brought up in a Catholic household but my relationship with God irretrievably broke down when I approached teenage. If I am honest it was never really that strong. In some ways I envy those with 'traditional' faith as it seems to make handing over a little easier.

So at the moment I just throw it out to nothingness. The Universe I suppose. But then a little thought creeps into my mind.. did it get there?.. lol
I'm more than happy.. relieved in fact.. to hand it over.. I'm just not sure where it's going and if it got to it's destination.

I've been to an online room and chatted for OMG a few hours and I'm feeling a little more serene than when I woke. I suppose what I can do for myself today is think on my HP: find a visualisation if possible and become more at ease with it.
tallulah is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:01 AM.