Rehab Recommends

Old 03-03-2009, 05:17 PM
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Rehab Recommends

My AD's rehab counselor recommends that after her thirty days that she go to a clean and sober living environment. I agree; things didn't work out for her here at home. She just fell back into drug use. I think I found out about her drug use soon ( I know the signs), called her on it quickly and gave her options (rehab or on the street). I hope a substance free environment works as the only other choice after that is the street. She can't live with me and use.

It is just all so hard though. I cleaned her room and am preparing to paint it white. I figure white is a clean color and her room feels dirty to me (that is where I found the drug kit). I have her cell phone and she gets about a call a day from an old friend asking if she wants to come over and smoke a blunt. I am ready to shoot a text back telling these people to take their blunt and shove it up their #&^). I am sorting through her clothes, getting ready to wash and box them. I am cleaning of her.

I cry through all of this. I remember my little girl. I loved her so much. She was so wanted and so loved. Right now to me all she is just a drug addict. I hope ,someday, I see that little girl again. I think she is still there. I got a glimpse of her, briefly, when she was home for these last few weeks.

It is difficult to come to that place that we must come to; to that place where you know that you have to pull away; that place where you know that you can't help them. I spent all her life taking care of her. I was responsible for everything. Children are helpless and rely upon their parents for everything. I wish I could fix this and it breaks my heart knowing that I can't.
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Old 03-03-2009, 05:24 PM
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Ann
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(((Marlie)))

Most of us have gone through a grief process, grieving the loss of the person we have lost to addiction, loss of our dreams for their future and loss of their important role in our family.

It just leaves a big hole in our hearts, but it is valid and an important part of "acceptance".

It is not what we dreamed it would be, life sometimes turns out that way.

My prayers go out for your daughter, may rehab start her on a better path and a happier life ahead.

Hugs
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Old 03-03-2009, 05:32 PM
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Marlie, I so understand how you are feeling. I only have one child, and all the dreams for my little girl, just gone up in smoke. What helps me is to separate my daughter from my daughter on drugs. Not always easy, however to dwell on her actions, behaviors on drugs would just tear me down.

Hopefully, your daughter will go to a sober living arrangement. I'm sure that would at least ease your mind.

Praying for you & your daughter.


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Old 03-03-2009, 06:09 PM
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(((Marle)))
I find I do better with anger than sadness. When I feel sad I get weak and tempted to give in.
I once balled my eyes out when packing a bag for my son's first trip to rehab. It was then I realized that virtually everything he owned fit into a duffle bag...he was 19 and should have had more.
The grief is a natural response, just try not to stay there for too long
Keeping you and daughter in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
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Old 03-03-2009, 06:47 PM
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It took me a while to figure out that what I was feeling was grief. It helped me to just let myself have those days. I had to learn to let go of what my expectations were for my daughter's life. Today I find that I am just grateful for each day that my daughter has clean and for being able to accept her just where she is on her journey. There is joy in life no matter what our addicts are doing. You will find your joy again too. Just stick with us. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-03-2009, 07:34 PM
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Marlie,
I feel so much of you pain. My 18 yr old daughter went to rehab in december..her therapist recomended the same route for her. She did spend anoher 30 days in rehab before going to her sober house, but she is now living her sober house. She is doing well but my dreams for her have changed. I am just living one day at a time right now, but I am hoping to let those dreams come again.
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Old 03-03-2009, 08:01 PM
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MY SON graduated on Sat. from his yr. long rehab.
tODAY I DROVE HIM TO his new sober living home where he will live for 6 mos. in another town.
He also has a therapist lined up in the new town to begin this week.

He stayed at two other sober houses sev. yrs. ago that weren't as organized or structured as his new one. If you are involved in the selection process, check your choices out carefully.
One mo. of treatment is not long at all, and the more structure provided in the next phase the better. Is your daughter going to go for therapy after she leaves primary treatment?
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Old 03-03-2009, 10:27 PM
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Hugs to you, Marlie. I feel your pain and sadness. Went through the same thing when we moved son out of rental house and then again last weekend when we got his truck out of impound and had to unload all his stuff out of it. It is truly an emotional process, but it is a process, which means you'll have growth from it.

Great job for staying strong and not allowing her to stay with you and use. We are doing the same thing and it does take tremendous strength, not just daily, but minute by minute.

Prayers for you and your daughter.
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Old 03-04-2009, 07:08 AM
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Fortunately, I don't have the ability to stay sad for more than a day, maybe two. I know what I have to do (she doesn't live with me). I will continue to clean and paint and erase her presence from my home. I think it is easier for me that way.

She is struggling. She made the choice to go to rehab in December, jumped into the program, said she was going to do all the right things, and then came home and did some right things and many that were wrong. Hopefully, this time she will stick to the right things. Rehab counselors said, "don't hang with drug using friends". As they are her only friends, she went right back to them. I don't know why someone who has always been surrounded by friends thinks she has trouble making them. She went to meetings, and heard she talked at one for the first time. Following that meeting she had a great weekend spent away from the druggie friends. The next week I found cocaine in her room. I know which way she wants to go, I hope her HP helps her find the strength to do it.

Unfortunately, I do not have my husbands support with respect to her not living at home. I, actually, think my AD wants to go to sober living. She asked for it when she returned from her first thirty days in Rehab in January. My husband saw me crying while sorting through her clothes and said she could come home until college in the Fall. He jsut wants to make sad people (me) happy and is such a softie. I admire him for his compassion but wish he had more of a backbone.

I will struggle on. My husband will continue to be soft (he can't be any other way). My AD will go on her own path. I wish I could tell her which turns to take on her journey but I can't.

It was hard to get up this morning. I need more sleep now. The dreams are terrible. this board, however, is wonderful. The support, hugs, prayers, and just knowing someone is listening brings tears to my eyes and at the same time gives me additional support to continue with what I know I have to do.

P.S. Please excuse the typos! I never have been able to type without making a gazillion mistakes and I hate to proof!
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:01 PM
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When my son left home, just before he went to rehab, I totally cleaned his room and it just about killed me. But I did it I think I will always feel sad when I go in there but I felt like he needed a clean start when and if he does come home. I also had his cell phone number changed, your carrier can do that for you they just give you a new SIM card and destroy the old one. I think we grieve for the person that we always thought our child could be. I read a poem once written for parents of special needs kids and it compared having a special needs child to planning and packing for a vacation in a certian place like Spain you pack the right clothes, learn the language, buy the tourist books, learn the customs, etc and then you get off the plane in in Russia the clothes are wrong, the language is different and you have no idea how to speak it, the customs are different you don't know if you are doing the right things or not. AT the end it talks about the journey being a good one (I'm not so sure anyone could call this journey a good one) but just very different than what you had planned. I think that is a lot like having an addicted child. The journey is total hell and not at all what you wanted or expected in life but maybe we can learn from it.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:24 PM
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I have a lot of grieving periods regarding AS. I've noticed that after we have had a conversation where he has approached me for help and i have responded by saying i would help/support if and when he chooses to get help for his drug/alcohol problem. He chooses not to get that kind of help, and I then find myself going through the whole grieving process. It lasts maybe a week, and those periods are getting less intense and do not last as long.

Those who are way ahead of us say that it is possible to establish a relationship again with our addicts - but it takes a long, long time with them having long-term sobriety. Hang in here, i'm rooting for you right now.
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