my AH just got lucky...update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 70
my AH just got lucky...update
Some my recall I kicked out my AH after I found out he was a heroin user.
Well now I'm alone, freaking out financially. I'm in the process of getting a legal separation.
Now I find out my husband just hit the jack-pot so to speak.
His family bought him a new truck.
AND NOW HE JUST INHERITED A HUGE BEAUTIFUL 4 BEDROOM HOME!
YEP!....
Me and the kids struggle to make ends meet...I didn't work the whole marrige (raising the little ones) now he can sit pretty, while I figure out how to put food on the table. (his family have been paying my rent.)
I have to find daycare (hard in my area) and a job.
He has NO bills now.
He has no job..."i'm trying to take care of myself and get better bla bla"
It was something we always talked about...
getting the house and start saving for the kids, a vacation one day etc....
I guess I'm just pissed that he seems to be getting the 'good' end of the deal.
he becomes an addict....get truck, house, cash....
I'm left destitute ....I'm a bit disallusioned.
life is weird
Thank God for my naranon meetings....they keep me sane.
Well now I'm alone, freaking out financially. I'm in the process of getting a legal separation.
Now I find out my husband just hit the jack-pot so to speak.
His family bought him a new truck.
AND NOW HE JUST INHERITED A HUGE BEAUTIFUL 4 BEDROOM HOME!
YEP!....
Me and the kids struggle to make ends meet...I didn't work the whole marrige (raising the little ones) now he can sit pretty, while I figure out how to put food on the table. (his family have been paying my rent.)
I have to find daycare (hard in my area) and a job.
He has NO bills now.
He has no job..."i'm trying to take care of myself and get better bla bla"
It was something we always talked about...
getting the house and start saving for the kids, a vacation one day etc....
I guess I'm just pissed that he seems to be getting the 'good' end of the deal.
he becomes an addict....get truck, house, cash....
I'm left destitute ....I'm a bit disallusioned.
life is weird
Thank God for my naranon meetings....they keep me sane.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Fabulous. He has assets. Maybe even "community property assets".
An attorney will have a field day with this one.
House needs to be sold and the money split in whatever way the courts deem fair.
And at the end of the day, he has an addiction on his back and you do not. Would you want to change places with him?
An attorney will have a field day with this one.
House needs to be sold and the money split in whatever way the courts deem fair.
And at the end of the day, he has an addiction on his back and you do not. Would you want to change places with him?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
I started my post with "ya I can relate. we, the non addicts, get left with all of the responsibility, kids, house payments, rent, food bills, clothing, EVERYTHING. And what do they get left with? Freedom. No responsibility..."
Then I really had to rethink this and say to myself NO I AM THE VICTOR HERE. I have 3 beautiful children that are happy and healthy. I have a roof over my head (yes its a struggle but it was when he was here) a nice mini van to take my kids to school, money in the bank (that I dont have to worry about) piece of mind that EVERYDAY I wake up and do the BEST that I can do for myself and my kids.
The reality of what he is left with.......An addiction that bosses him around, tells him how to feel how not to feel, a substance that is in COMPLETE control over him, no family to wake up to, no kids saying again daddy again....No love. No hope for the future the possibility of death and or jail. The possibility of contracting a horrible disease that will kill them. The inability to feel true emotions. The inability to live life to the fullest. The little things that everyday we take for granted.
That is their realty. Our future is bright and full of the unknown both good and bad. Our future is full of some of the best moments that will be real. Emotions that while may be bad at the time will serve a purpose one day.
I like to think of it that way. Atleast then I am not searching for "justice" in the pain that I feel living in reality.
I also know in my heart that I have true happiness. I dont need a little pill to make me feel good. I dont need a man to say I love you. I know need a man to raise my kids. Some of the best examples of heros we have today were raised by a single woman. I love myself enough to say that MY FUTURE IS BRIGHT.
Try not to focus so much on the negatives. You are doing the right thing and the right thing at times can feel pretty bad but keep your head up and keep going.
You and your kids will be just fine......
Then I really had to rethink this and say to myself NO I AM THE VICTOR HERE. I have 3 beautiful children that are happy and healthy. I have a roof over my head (yes its a struggle but it was when he was here) a nice mini van to take my kids to school, money in the bank (that I dont have to worry about) piece of mind that EVERYDAY I wake up and do the BEST that I can do for myself and my kids.
The reality of what he is left with.......An addiction that bosses him around, tells him how to feel how not to feel, a substance that is in COMPLETE control over him, no family to wake up to, no kids saying again daddy again....No love. No hope for the future the possibility of death and or jail. The possibility of contracting a horrible disease that will kill them. The inability to feel true emotions. The inability to live life to the fullest. The little things that everyday we take for granted.
That is their realty. Our future is bright and full of the unknown both good and bad. Our future is full of some of the best moments that will be real. Emotions that while may be bad at the time will serve a purpose one day.
I like to think of it that way. Atleast then I am not searching for "justice" in the pain that I feel living in reality.
I also know in my heart that I have true happiness. I dont need a little pill to make me feel good. I dont need a man to say I love you. I know need a man to raise my kids. Some of the best examples of heros we have today were raised by a single woman. I love myself enough to say that MY FUTURE IS BRIGHT.
Try not to focus so much on the negatives. You are doing the right thing and the right thing at times can feel pretty bad but keep your head up and keep going.
You and your kids will be just fine......
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
I fully agree. If you aren't yet legally separated, what's *his* is actually half *yours*. Talk to a lawyer. Get what you and your kids deserve. What a fantastic thing that this happened *before* you were legally separated or you'd be SOL.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Originally Posted by howareyounow 
I'm calling my lawyer in the morning!
Maybe this is a blessing....
Maybe this is a blessing....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by outtolunch
Fabulous. He has assets. Maybe even "community property assets".
An attorney will have a field day with this one.
House needs to be sold and the money split in whatever way the courts deem fair.
And at the end of the day, he has an addiction on his back and you do not. Would you want to change places with him?
An attorney will have a field day with this one.
House needs to be sold and the money split in whatever way the courts deem fair.
And at the end of the day, he has an addiction on his back and you do not. Would you want to change places with him?
I'm with outtolunch
Also want to add that I am so proud of you howareyounow, you should change your member name to I'mdoinggreat!
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
dont get it twisted lhowareyounow, he may have all these toys and money along with no bills etc. but hes living with a heroin addiction.
speaking as a former dope addict who had it all (lots of money, my own place, car, no debt or bills etc) i was freaking MISERABLE because of my addiction. i might have looked great on the outside but i was dying on the inside.
i would rather be living in a 1 bedroom shack barely able to make ends meat every week with no addiction problems than living in a mansion with tons of $$ and no debt but having to worry about that beast of addiction ....
hope things work out for you ~~
speaking as a former dope addict who had it all (lots of money, my own place, car, no debt or bills etc) i was freaking MISERABLE because of my addiction. i might have looked great on the outside but i was dying on the inside.
i would rather be living in a 1 bedroom shack barely able to make ends meat every week with no addiction problems than living in a mansion with tons of $$ and no debt but having to worry about that beast of addiction ....
hope things work out for you ~~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
Does the 50-50 split start when you seperate or when you are legally divorced.
I might be worng but I am pretty certian that he can argue and win the argument that anything he obtained after you walked out is his and is not part of the marriage assets to be split.
I don't think you can touch the house.
I might be worng but I am pretty certian that he can argue and win the argument that anything he obtained after you walked out is his and is not part of the marriage assets to be split.
I don't think you can touch the house.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
sometimes life kicks us down where we stand - sometimes it provides a very high ledge for us to stand on before it kicks us down. All this tells me is even though it appears in worldly standards that his life is great - his fall from this is going to be even worse.
my husband left me with all the responsibilities - had a great job, a beautiful apartment filled with brand new furniture and state of the art entertainment system. Everything was new and sparkly, including his new girlfriend and it really hurt because the kids and i were struggling so hard financially. But mine was realistic and his was a fantasy so his didnt last more than about 9 months. I dont take pleasure in his misfortune but i know that life has a way of evening things out eventually so I let my HP worry about that. I kept my honor and my dignity and stayed in reality where i belong. I really think that my HP has a plan for my ex outside of me and part of that may have been to let him have his illusion for a time so that the stark reality of his existence could be more vivid to him now that he has lost it all and is basically homeless. My rewards in life are not here and they are not judged by worldly standards. Through it all I had the love of my children and that is something that he will never really have again and that no pricetag could ever be placed.
my husband left me with all the responsibilities - had a great job, a beautiful apartment filled with brand new furniture and state of the art entertainment system. Everything was new and sparkly, including his new girlfriend and it really hurt because the kids and i were struggling so hard financially. But mine was realistic and his was a fantasy so his didnt last more than about 9 months. I dont take pleasure in his misfortune but i know that life has a way of evening things out eventually so I let my HP worry about that. I kept my honor and my dignity and stayed in reality where i belong. I really think that my HP has a plan for my ex outside of me and part of that may have been to let him have his illusion for a time so that the stark reality of his existence could be more vivid to him now that he has lost it all and is basically homeless. My rewards in life are not here and they are not judged by worldly standards. Through it all I had the love of my children and that is something that he will never really have again and that no pricetag could ever be placed.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
Outtolunch said it best! Just think how he is thinking and how smug he is. He thinks he has it in the clear and made now. But its gonna suck when your lawyer rips his little fantasy right out from under him. Half goes to the wife!!!!! Yep. So yeah this is a blessing in disguise! Go for everything you can. Just make sure you continue with the dreams that you and exah started by putting some of that money away and investing wisely. Live on as little as you can so you can make it go far. At least now you will have a little security back. What a good feeling for you to have today.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
You should have an equitable division of your property - that's fine and that's fair to the kids. This post has nothing to do with that.
What i worry about in threads like this is that we get so sidetracked sometimes with what the addict gets that we loose focus on what we have - its the grass is greener effect. We look at the addicts life - they get to get high and forget about their problems - they dont have to work and we have to drudge away at our miserable lives taking care of everything. poor us! this builds up so much bitterness. true serenity comes when we can be happy with the life that we have without looking at someone else's life and having desire for their possessions, relationships, or situation.
When the addict tries to get clean they get sideswiped all the time with things that cause them to doubt and relapse. So do we - he got "stuff" and now you may be tempted to think that you made a mistake or that its not fair - its shiny sparkling things inticing you back into that mindset of the victim. Live for yourself and be grateful for what you have - dont envy what you think someone else has and you will find peace.
I live a very simple life - i dont have a lot of possessions. But I do have love in my life and that i wouldnt trade that love for the largest mansion or the biggest bank acct. I know that my life is easier than probably 80% of the world and when i envy others i devalue the things and the people i have in my life. I say this becuase i've been there - i envied that he got the easy way out in the beginning but i dont anymore because it does me no good, it makes me bitter, and it takes away from my joy.
What i worry about in threads like this is that we get so sidetracked sometimes with what the addict gets that we loose focus on what we have - its the grass is greener effect. We look at the addicts life - they get to get high and forget about their problems - they dont have to work and we have to drudge away at our miserable lives taking care of everything. poor us! this builds up so much bitterness. true serenity comes when we can be happy with the life that we have without looking at someone else's life and having desire for their possessions, relationships, or situation.
When the addict tries to get clean they get sideswiped all the time with things that cause them to doubt and relapse. So do we - he got "stuff" and now you may be tempted to think that you made a mistake or that its not fair - its shiny sparkling things inticing you back into that mindset of the victim. Live for yourself and be grateful for what you have - dont envy what you think someone else has and you will find peace.
I live a very simple life - i dont have a lot of possessions. But I do have love in my life and that i wouldnt trade that love for the largest mansion or the biggest bank acct. I know that my life is easier than probably 80% of the world and when i envy others i devalue the things and the people i have in my life. I say this becuase i've been there - i envied that he got the easy way out in the beginning but i dont anymore because it does me no good, it makes me bitter, and it takes away from my joy.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
From a google search:
Community property begins to accrue on the date of marriage and ends when the marriage is officially over. The date upon which a marriage is officially over is determined by your particular state laws and may occur on one of the following dates depending on which state you reside:
The date of "legal" separation
The date of "physical" separation
The day the Petition or Complaint is filed and/or assigned a case, docket or index number
The date the judge or commissioner grants your divorce, dissolution or legal separation
The day your divorce agreement or judgment is filed
The day you and your husband choose or a judge or commissioner assigns
Community property begins to accrue on the date of marriage and ends when the marriage is officially over. The date upon which a marriage is officially over is determined by your particular state laws and may occur on one of the following dates depending on which state you reside:
The date of "legal" separation
The date of "physical" separation
The day the Petition or Complaint is filed and/or assigned a case, docket or index number
The date the judge or commissioner grants your divorce, dissolution or legal separation
The day your divorce agreement or judgment is filed
The day you and your husband choose or a judge or commissioner assigns
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